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marcosurbina
Over 90 days ago
Male, 75
Mexico
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marcosurbina
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A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"

&&&&&&&&&&&

One of his beautiful women was sentenced too, for stealing a credit card.
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marcosurbina
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An instructor was sitting in his office one afternoon when an attractive, sexy-looking lady knocked on his door.

Yes?, he replied, how may I help you? The lady said "I need to talk to you about my grade in your class."

"Come in and have a seat," said the instructor.

Is there anything I can do to get an "A" in your class?

"What do you mean by 'anything'," he replied.

She said "Anything!"

Anything??

She said, in her best sultry voice "I mean ANYTHING."

The instructor got up from behind his desk, sat down beside her and whispered in her ear, "Would you study?"



"I mean, anything but to study!!"
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marcosurbina
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To her little head, is that what you said, Sahmeless009?

I believe you coz there's something regarding the engorgement of the clitoris. The clitoris is similar in structure to the penis and has a little bulb at the end like the head of the penis. This becomes erect when a woman is sexually excited, swelled. The size of the clitoris is very variable and, like the penis, size bears no relation to the extent of satisfaction obtained during orgasm.

The presence of nitric oxide increases the blood flow to her clitoris!!
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marcosurbina
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I wish I were the pilot here to show you into the cockpit, nice girl!!


Ultra modern avionic equippments, impressived at first sight! (Camera EOS450D, Tokina 10-17mm Fisheye)

Yes, nice girl. This has been a nice landing, of course. Thank you for your letter. Are you Shameless009's grandchildren aboard here?
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marcosurbina
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Accident

There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control. Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.

They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed. The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution."

The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it."

The programmer said "I think you're both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

%%%%%%%%%%

Computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
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marcosurbina
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I'm wishing Merry Christmas to Mr. Rocco, Mr. Sahmeless, Miss. Techgodess, Miss. Chef. By Cristina Aguilera.
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marcosurbina
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She decided to sing Marry Christmas for Rocco and Shameless009 instead. I'd wish more action than a carol singing.
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marcosurbina
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Well, budies: she's just my girl friend. This is another gorgeous brunette (my wife) waiting for some action at the door step as I was about to fetch some beers. Fortunately, no one was around, no janitors as I took my chance for a shot of her. She's my wife, buddies.
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marcosurbina
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A fraction (from the Latin fractus, broken) is a number that can represent part of a whole, Mr. Shameless009. The earliest fractions were reciprocals of integers, symbols representing one half, one third, one quarter, and so on.

A much later development were the common or "vulgar" fractions which are still used today, and which consist of a numerator and a denominator, the numerator representing a number of equal parts and the denominator telling how many of those parts make up a whole.

An example is 3/4, in which the numerator, 3, tells us that the fraction represents 3 equal parts, and the denominator, 4, tells us that 4 parts make up a whole.

In case Shameless009 won't understand this, here is an example below of how it works:






Trigonometry (from Greek trigōnon "triangle" + metron "measure") is a branch of mathematics that studies triangles, particularly right triangles. Trigonometry deals with relationships between the sides and the angles of triangles and with the trigonometric functions.
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marcosurbina
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All American Girl

She's all, but certainly not a beauty.



Car Washing Cutie
I just love these types of car washes.

The Bikini Carwash Company.

A car washing cutie decides to help out at the local carwash. To attract more customers and increase profits she opts for a simple uniform... the bikini. Cars queue up for miles, but the authorities aren't happy with the way women are operating. I was surprised at seeing Rocco and Shameless' cars there, the first in the line to get washed by the beautiful cutie.
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marcosurbina
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Three couples (friends) travel together to a resort hotel, only to find that their reservations have been screwed up, and they all have to stay in one room. There are 2 king-sized beds, and it is decided that the men will all sleep in one, and the women in the other.

In the middle of the night, the guy in the middle wakes up, and says to the man next to him "let me out. I have GOT to get to my wife! I have the biggest hard-on I have ever had, and I've got to get to her NOW!"

The other guy says "O.K. Do you want me to come with you?" "What the hell for?" asks the other. "Because that's MY dick you're holding!" says he.


%%%%%%%%%

1. My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.
2. My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.
3. My dick is so big, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow.
4. My dick is so big, it lives next door.



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marcosurbina
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LOL!! Again mathematics: means his dick was only 4 inches long, I suppose? 4 multiplyed by 3 equals 12. Am I right?

"My dick is so big, when I broke my leg, they didn't put a cast on it, they just strapped it to my dick."

Marcos Urbina
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marcosurbina
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A bottle opener is a device that enables the removal of metal bottle caps from bottles. More generally, it might be thought to include corkscrews used to remove cork or plastic stoppers from wine bottles.or... well I still have doubts about to which can opener she might turn to here.



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marcosurbina
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Logic is the study of the process of reason. It is concerned with the form of argument. Take the syllogism, for a concrete and rather hackneyed example:


All men are mortal.
Socrates is a man.
_____________________________
Therefore Socrates is mortal.


This can be stripped of its content and generalized to:

All x are y.
a is x.
_________________
Therefore a is y.


You can then substitute what you like for a, x and y:


All cats are carnivores.
Muddypaws is a cat.
___________________________________
Therefore Muddypaws is a carnivore.


Mathematician Shameless009 is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours.

Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "Don't worry - we're safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine."

A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "But don't worry - we're still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours."

Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers: "Don't worry - even with one engine, we're still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt."

Mathematician Shameless009 remarks to his fellow passengers:

"If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!"

&&&&&&&&&&&

Yeah, you're right, I believe you, Shameless!!
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marcosurbina
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He did study, Rocco -Italian name. Shahmeless009 just made a mistake somewhere here:
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marcosurbina
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Shameless009 test is back!! These are real shameless answers to college tests. Shameless excuse for not answering correctly: Test is in Spanish!!
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marcosurbina
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A new study published in the British Journal of Urology International found that 85% of women are satisfied with the size and proportion of their partner's penis. Yet, 45% of men are convinced that they have a small penis. The article also reports that actual small penis size is a relatively rare phenomenon.

The doctors who did the research cautioned that male complaints about the size of their penis are to be taken seriously. These men experience a lot of shame, embarrassment and anxiety.

Well, most women claim it's not just the size what counts... but...

I think the woman in the pic is just kidding, she's not serious at all, just moking at the man.
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marcosurbina
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Judge Jude Joke 1

Cross eyed judge Shameless009 looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one: “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. “I never said a word” the third defendant replied.


Judge Jude Joke 2

Judge Jude said to his dentist: “Pull my tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.”


&&&&&&&&&&&&&Judge Jude joke 3

At night court, a man named Shameless009, was brought in and set before the judge. Judge Jude said:

“State your name, occupation, and the charge.”

The defendant said, “I m Sparks, I m an electrician, charged with battery.”

Judge Jude winced and said, “Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!”


Not this one...


Put him in this one!!
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marcosurbina
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Three ducks are in a court room. The first duck comes up to the bench and judge Jude asks what is your name, the duck says quack...then he asks, what are you in for? the duck answers I was blowing bubbles in the pond.

Judge Jude gives him 4 months. The second duck walks in and judge asks whats your name?

The duck answers quack quack...then she asks and what are you in for... the duck then answers I was blowing bubbles in the pond.

The judge gives him 4 months. Then the last duck walks in... the judge says let me guess...quack quack quack? the duck then replies:

"No, I'm bubbles".

&&&&&&&&&&&&

7 year old Lebron was in english class when his teacher asked him to use dictate in a sentence so he says....... Lasss night I heard Daddy askin Momma "How do my dictate"?




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