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LOL!! 'Stay away from Uncle Buck when he's been drinking."
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marcosurbina
Over 90 days ago
Male, 75
Mexico
Forum
Active Ink Slinger
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?"
"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"
"Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question."
"I object!" the defense said again.
"No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."
The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."
So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?"
The blonde replied brightly, "I don't know."
"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"
"Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question."
"I object!" the defense said again.
"No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."
The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."
So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?"
The blonde replied brightly, "I don't know."
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This opening clip will help Rocco introduce his students to the Road Runner (Accelleratii Incredibus) and his perpetually hungry nemesis, Coyote (Carnivorous Vulgaris). Doesn’t ACME sell coyote food?
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Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence... a life sentence.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind (maths).
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters (It's happened to me).
Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.
%%%%%%%
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
%%%%%%%%%
There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.
$$$$$$$$$$
A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. Marcos.
%%%%%%%%%%
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind (maths).
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters (It's happened to me).
Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.
%%%%%%%
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
%%%%%%%%%
There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.
$$$$$$$$$$
A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. Marcos.
%%%%%%%%%%
Active Ink Slinger
In sewing and fashion design, a pattern is an original garment from which other garments of a similar style are copied, or the paper or cardboard templates from which the parts of a garment are traced onto fabric before cutting out and assembling (sometimes called paper patterns).
Patternmaking, pattern making or pattern cutting is the art of designing patterns.
Patternmaking, pattern making or pattern cutting is the art of designing patterns.
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Johny
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.
"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story about the car going into the woods, the undressing, Aunt Jane laying down on the back seat. Then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Moral Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.
XXXXXXXX
That's correct, rxtales. Sorry for Aunt Jane: she isn't a moralist at all.
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.
"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story about the car going into the woods, the undressing, Aunt Jane laying down on the back seat. Then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Moral Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.
XXXXXXXX
That's correct, rxtales. Sorry for Aunt Jane: she isn't a moralist at all.
Active Ink Slinger
An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."
So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.
Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Darn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."
So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.
Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Darn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"
Active Ink Slinger
A young Blonde Woman had given birth in the elevator of a Hospital near English lake. She was embarrassed about it.
Doctor: Don't feel bad. Two years back, a Blonde lady delivered in the lawn of this hospital.
The blonde burst out crying and said:
I know..., that was me, too.
&&&&&&&
There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups. The doctor asked the first woman “in what position was the baby conceived ?”
“He was on top “, she replied.
“You will have a boy !” the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
“I was on top “, was the reply.
“you will have a baby girl. ” said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears.
“What’s the matter ?” asked the doc.
“Am I going to have puppies ?”…..
Doctor: Don't feel bad. Two years back, a Blonde lady delivered in the lawn of this hospital.
The blonde burst out crying and said:
I know..., that was me, too.
&&&&&&&
There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups. The doctor asked the first woman “in what position was the baby conceived ?”
“He was on top “, she replied.
“You will have a boy !” the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
“I was on top “, was the reply.
“you will have a baby girl. ” said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears.
“What’s the matter ?” asked the doc.
“Am I going to have puppies ?”…..
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The Florida peninsula is a diverse collection of islands, marshes, springs, swamps and hundreds of small lakes, rivers and ponds. The land is divided into four main regions; the Gulf Coast/Atlantic Ocean coastal plains, the upland (hilly area) of the north and northwest, the swampy Everglades of the far south, and the Florida Keys.
The coastal plains generally consist of flat land, fronted by barrier islands, sandy beaches, coral reefs and sandbars. The low rolling-hills of the uplands area stretch across the Florida Panhandle. Here, the state's highest point, Britton Hill, rises to 345 ft.
Well, as seeing this cute girl I feel like if observing Florida from outer space.
The coastal plains generally consist of flat land, fronted by barrier islands, sandy beaches, coral reefs and sandbars. The low rolling-hills of the uplands area stretch across the Florida Panhandle. Here, the state's highest point, Britton Hill, rises to 345 ft.
Well, as seeing this cute girl I feel like if observing Florida from outer space.
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The other guy is happy coz it's his turn now... to take advantage of this pretty girl.
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Ok, mrplow, here comes another chance for you. Can you guess what this girl is doing here?
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Bubba and Clem found three hand grenades and they decided that they better take them to the police station. "What if one of them explodes before we get there?" asks Clem.
"Don't worry about it," says Bubba. "We'll just lie and tell them we only found two."
Well, these two guys were indeed taking the hand granades to the police station, actually didn't make it there!!
"Don't worry about it," says Bubba. "We'll just lie and tell them we only found two."
Well, these two guys were indeed taking the hand granades to the police station, actually didn't make it there!!
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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's **** near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's **** near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
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Motto: When my son was a cub scout, he was asked what the motto was. He'd say:
"I dunno. What's a-motto with you?"
I still laugh about it to this day.
Well, Rocco, I figure out this is how it was in the beggining with your son.
"I dunno. What's a-motto with you?"
I still laugh about it to this day.
Well, Rocco, I figure out this is how it was in the beggining with your son.
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Ah, DaisyChain, you live in a cozy apartment, of course.
I'm not judging you for having such smal apartment -probably a bathroom with this problem?. You know, I'm not an English judge who use wigs as in ancient times. I like shower heads in the bath room.
I'm not judging you for having such smal apartment -probably a bathroom with this problem?. You know, I'm not an English judge who use wigs as in ancient times. I like shower heads in the bath room.
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Thank you, Rocco -Italian name. Here, artist Marcos is working on a new project.
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Oh, Marcos, is it too icy outside? probably will need some hot coffee with me?
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Rocco's question to the general public: "Marcos-Spanish name, do you mean to tell me you're married to Sunny Leone? I'm going to YOUR place for a dinner party!"
Marcos reply: Well, yes, Rocco and Nicola. If you wish to go to my apartment for dinner paty, it's ok with me but... you listen to my sad story first:
I had been married to Julia Bond in my early years -see picture. I divorced her, was too ungly -good shaped body though- and married Sunny Leone. The problem is she became successful porn star and has pictures around the house like these ones.
Leone -born from Italian inmigrants.
Marcos reply: Well, yes, Rocco and Nicola. If you wish to go to my apartment for dinner paty, it's ok with me but... you listen to my sad story first:
I had been married to Julia Bond in my early years -see picture. I divorced her, was too ungly -good shaped body though- and married Sunny Leone. The problem is she became successful porn star and has pictures around the house like these ones.
Leone -born from Italian inmigrants.
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Irresistible Julia Bond appears in her sexy pants and starts striping right in front of the camera. She simply hypnotizes Rocco -Italian name- with those natural and perfectly shaped boobs that she likes to touch and squeeze. By turning around she reveals large tattoo across her back, as well as smaller one on her left arm.
Males stare at her see sexy ass appearing underneath her pants. Poor Julia now just wants a good old friend to give her a ride in his motorcycle on old U.S. route 69 position.
Males stare at her see sexy ass appearing underneath her pants. Poor Julia now just wants a good old friend to give her a ride in his motorcycle on old U.S. route 69 position.
