Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login
marcosurbina
Over 90 days ago
Male, 75
Mexico
Forum
Active Ink Slinger
A cyclist was stopped by customs. "What's in the bags?", asked the officer, pointing to his panniers. "Sand," said the cyclist. "let me take a look", said the cop. The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, refilled the bags, and continued across the border.
A week later, the same thing happened, and continued every week for a year, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.
A few months later, the cop saw the cyclist living it up downtown. "You sure had us foxed", said the cop. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what was it you were smuggling? ..... "Bicycles!"
&&&&&&&&&&&
The pedestrian (lemming) stepped off the kerb into the road without looking and gets knocked down by a passing cyclist:
"You were lucky" said the cyclist. "What are you on about! That really hurt!" said the pedestrian "Usually I drive a bus!" the cyclist replied.
A week later, the same thing happened, and continued every week for a year, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.
A few months later, the cop saw the cyclist living it up downtown. "You sure had us foxed", said the cop. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what was it you were smuggling? ..... "Bicycles!"
&&&&&&&&&&&
The pedestrian (lemming) stepped off the kerb into the road without looking and gets knocked down by a passing cyclist:
"You were lucky" said the cyclist. "What are you on about! That really hurt!" said the pedestrian "Usually I drive a bus!" the cyclist replied.
Active Ink Slinger
Why don't we do it the other way around: to follow a road path at the bottom of cliff. Helmets are necessary here. No bycicle riders plummeting down such height.
Ah, leave it to the goats!!
Ah, leave it to the goats!!
Active Ink Slinger
A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa tattoo with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good, too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"
So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa tattoo with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good, too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"
Active Ink Slinger
A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: 'keep off the grass.'
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: 'keep off the grass.'
Active Ink Slinger
Well, Needed, and Rocco: too easy to get to a hot wife; you just read my story "My Spanish neighbor" and find out how it works. This is my neighbor's pic -notice the lamp in problems, attached to the ceiling.
Active Ink Slinger
I desagree, mrplow.
You at least could spank them. Let's listen to how they sound as spanked!!
You at least could spank them. Let's listen to how they sound as spanked!!
Active Ink Slinger
Plastic surgery is a medical specialty concerned with the correction or restoration of form and function. While famous for aesthetic surgery, plastic surgery also includes two main fields: face and buttocks.
Active Ink Slinger
Talking on the phone booth
More talking on the phone booth
Yeah, she, herself
To finally... striking beauty
...and the most intriguing...
More talking on the phone booth
Yeah, she, herself
To finally... striking beauty
...and the most intriguing...
Active Ink Slinger
Samuel Colt created the 19th-century handgun, and the successful gun company, which bore his name. Colt was 16 years old and sailing on a ship to India when he carved a model of a single-barrelled pistol with automatically revolving chambers.
My gift to O0ziiomara0O
My gift to O0ziiomara0O
Active Ink Slinger
You mean some ointment for the rush, O0ziiomara0O?
I think she has an intensely itchy rash and it appeared on her buttocks. This may be DERMATITIS HERPETIFORMIS, a rash associated with a sensitivity to gluten, a protein found in cereal grains such as corn and wheat. See doctor Rocco at once. Antibiotics can help control symptoms. Avoid foods that contain gluten.
I think she has an intensely itchy rash and it appeared on her buttocks. This may be DERMATITIS HERPETIFORMIS, a rash associated with a sensitivity to gluten, a protein found in cereal grains such as corn and wheat. See doctor Rocco at once. Antibiotics can help control symptoms. Avoid foods that contain gluten.
Active Ink Slinger
Oh, here are the missing ones to finish my bridge... or I'd rather turn to witchcraft for less suffering
Active Ink Slinger
Means, a brand for ladies underwear. White spot referring to the sewing or tailoring, I think.
Active Ink Slinger
Everybody goes crazy about this chick and would enquire about her address.
Active Ink Slinger
Well, my teacher thinks she's still beautiful, despite her age. Anyway, was it necessary her climb on the desk? Would you comment, please?
Active Ink Slinger
Thank you, Nicola. I've Put another photo for your making it look like vintage, please. I've resized it on line -was too large.
Active Ink Slinger
Well she just stumbled on the stairs, rushing to get dressed.
Active Ink Slinger
Road runner rules. The simple but strict rules for Road Runner cartoons.
1. Road Runner cannot harm the Coyote except by going "beep, beep".
2. No outside force can harm the Coyote -- only his own ineptitude or the failure of Acme products.
3. The Coyote could stop anytime -- IF he was not a fanatic. (Repeat: "A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim."
4. No dialogue ever, except "beep, beep".
5. Road Runner must stay on the road -- for no other reason than that he's a roadrunner.
6. All action must be confined to the natural environment of the two characters -- the southwest American desert.
7. All tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the Acme Corporation.
8. Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyote's greatest enemy.
9. The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by his failures.
10. The audience's sympathy must remain with the Coyote.
1. Road Runner cannot harm the Coyote except by going "beep, beep".
2. No outside force can harm the Coyote -- only his own ineptitude or the failure of Acme products.
3. The Coyote could stop anytime -- IF he was not a fanatic. (Repeat: "A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim."
4. No dialogue ever, except "beep, beep".
5. Road Runner must stay on the road -- for no other reason than that he's a roadrunner.
6. All action must be confined to the natural environment of the two characters -- the southwest American desert.
7. All tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the Acme Corporation.
8. Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyote's greatest enemy.
9. The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by his failures.
10. The audience's sympathy must remain with the Coyote.
Active Ink Slinger
There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said,
"Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Take seven lemons and
squeeze them into a glass and then drink it."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said "NO, but it will wipe the smile off of your face."
%%%%%%%%%%
Patient: Doctor I'm having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I get sick to my stomach.
Doctor: Hmmmm, that does sound serious. Let me see it.
Patient sticks out his tongue...
%%%%%%%%%%
A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient. "Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?" asked the psychiatrist. "As a matter of fact, I do," said the patient. "And when does this happen?" asked the psychiatrist. "Oh," said the patient, "when I answer the telephone."
"Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Take seven lemons and
squeeze them into a glass and then drink it."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said "NO, but it will wipe the smile off of your face."
%%%%%%%%%%
Patient: Doctor I'm having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I get sick to my stomach.
Doctor: Hmmmm, that does sound serious. Let me see it.
Patient sticks out his tongue...
%%%%%%%%%%
A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient. "Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?" asked the psychiatrist. "As a matter of fact, I do," said the patient. "And when does this happen?" asked the psychiatrist. "Oh," said the patient, "when I answer the telephone."
Active Ink Slinger
One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in Rocco's house. He picked up the phone and a woman asked, "Is this 555-1111?"
"No, this is 555-1112." replied.
"Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you." The woman said.
"That's alright," Rocco said. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
"No, this is 555-1112." replied.
"Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you." The woman said.
"That's alright," Rocco said. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
Active Ink Slinger
You mean the BEEP - BEEP noise, relaxandrelease? Well it looks like a car horn. It occurred to me it resembles a Mercedez bus horn, as they narrowly used to cross each other at midnight in the middle of the road travelling a long distance. Though It was a bus, it's horn warned other incoming cars, buses and trucks just when passing by, like that of a Luxurious Mercedes car. Probably got me?
