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But... I wonder why they failed to remove the cucumber, ja, ja!!
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marcosurbina
Over 90 days ago
Male, 75
Mexico
Forum
Active Ink Slinger
This guy comes into a bar and orders three separate shots of Irish whiskey. He downs one, engages in casual conversation with the bartender, eventually finishing the other two. This goes on for a few days and the bartender finally says:
"You know, I can put all three shots in one glass for you."
The other gentleman replies: "No, I prefer it this way. See, I'm very close to my two brothers. They're both in Ireland now and this represents a drink for each of us. This way I can be closer to them and feel like we are all having a drink together."
The bartender agrees and continues to set them up as requested. This goes on for several months, and then one day, the guy orders two shots. Well the bartender begins to worry that maybe something has happened to one of his brothers. He's gotten to know this guy over the month and finally feels it necessary to ask:
"Is everything alright?" the bartender asked.
"What do you mean?" replied the gentleman.
"Well," the bartender said, "all these months you've ordered three drinks. Now you've only ordered two. Something didn't happen to one of your brothers, did it?"
"No," the gentleman replied. "They are okay. It's just that I quit drinking."
"You know, I can put all three shots in one glass for you."
The other gentleman replies: "No, I prefer it this way. See, I'm very close to my two brothers. They're both in Ireland now and this represents a drink for each of us. This way I can be closer to them and feel like we are all having a drink together."
The bartender agrees and continues to set them up as requested. This goes on for several months, and then one day, the guy orders two shots. Well the bartender begins to worry that maybe something has happened to one of his brothers. He's gotten to know this guy over the month and finally feels it necessary to ask:
"Is everything alright?" the bartender asked.
"What do you mean?" replied the gentleman.
"Well," the bartender said, "all these months you've ordered three drinks. Now you've only ordered two. Something didn't happen to one of your brothers, did it?"
"No," the gentleman replied. "They are okay. It's just that I quit drinking."
Active Ink Slinger
THE OLD DRUNK
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yess, Preasher Marco... I ssssure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.
"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"Nooo, I ddddidnt!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I dddid not Reverrrrend."
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone: "My God man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sssssure thhhis is where he fffffelll in?"
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yess, Preasher Marco... I ssssure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.
"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"Nooo, I ddddidnt!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I dddid not Reverrrrend."
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone: "My God man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sssssure thhhis is where he fffffelll in?"
Active Ink Slinger
THE OLD DRUNK
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yess, Preasher... I ssssure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.
"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"Nooo, I ddddidnt!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I dddid not Reverrrrend Marco."
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone: "My God man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sssssure thhhis is where he fffffelll in?"
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yess, Preasher... I ssssure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.
"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"Nooo, I ddddidnt!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I dddid not Reverrrrend Marco."
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone: "My God man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sssssure thhhis is where he fffffelll in?"
Active Ink Slinger
Three guys die and get to Saint Perter’s Gate. The first one was a fond of women, a womanly. The second one was an alcoholic, while the third one, a drog adict, specifically, he liked marijuana cigarrettes. To each one is given penalty in agreement to iniquity on earth. After this trial, all of them was granted to enter heaven.
The first one would spend one year confined in a room with thousands of women. His period is over and he says: “Oh, I can’t stand this anymore. I’m fed up.”
The alcoholic spent one year locked up in a large room filled with thousands of liquor bottles: he couldn’t take it anymore after a year, and got straight to heaven.
The third man, a drughead, spent one year locked up in a large room with thousands of pounds of pot. After a year Saint Peter asked him if he could manage quite well here. Response came up quickly, as this desperate guy complained about his inadequately status, saying:
“How in the hell would I smoke the darnit filthy grass. You guys forgot to give me a godamnit ciggarrete lighter!!"
The first one would spend one year confined in a room with thousands of women. His period is over and he says: “Oh, I can’t stand this anymore. I’m fed up.”
The alcoholic spent one year locked up in a large room filled with thousands of liquor bottles: he couldn’t take it anymore after a year, and got straight to heaven.
The third man, a drughead, spent one year locked up in a large room with thousands of pounds of pot. After a year Saint Peter asked him if he could manage quite well here. Response came up quickly, as this desperate guy complained about his inadequately status, saying:
“How in the hell would I smoke the darnit filthy grass. You guys forgot to give me a godamnit ciggarrete lighter!!"
Active Ink Slinger
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists... 2 men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another, eight in a row. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Moral: Never put a woman to the test.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another, eight in a row. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Moral: Never put a woman to the test.
Active Ink Slinger
A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the tv, eat dinner, and sit some more; would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit.
One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, "Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?"
Her husband snarled, "What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?" and sat down on the sofa.
The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, "Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?" Once again, he growled, "What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?"
The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, "Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?" And again was met with a snarl, "What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?"
Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer. When her husband got home, she said:
"Honey, I had the repairmen out today."
He frowned, "Well, how much is that going to cost?"
"Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having sex with them."
"Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?" he asked.
She smiled. "What do I look like? Betty Crocker?"
Well, at least he's giving her a hand here, helping her to lift her heavy load.
One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, "Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?"
Her husband snarled, "What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?" and sat down on the sofa.
The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, "Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?" Once again, he growled, "What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?"
The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, "Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?" And again was met with a snarl, "What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?"
Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer. When her husband got home, she said:
"Honey, I had the repairmen out today."
He frowned, "Well, how much is that going to cost?"
"Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having sex with them."
"Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?" he asked.
She smiled. "What do I look like? Betty Crocker?"
Well, at least he's giving her a hand here, helping her to lift her heavy load.
Active Ink Slinger
Three prostitutes, a mother, daughter and grandmother, lived together. One night the daughter came home looking very down.
"How did you do tonight, dear?" asked her mother.
"Not too good. I got only 20 dollars for a blow job."
"Wow!" said the mother. "In my day we gave a blow job for 5 dollars."
"Good God!" said Grandma. "In my day we were just happy to get something warm in our stomachs!"
%%%%%%%%%%%
Q. What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it but can't eat it.
"How did you do tonight, dear?" asked her mother.
"Not too good. I got only 20 dollars for a blow job."
"Wow!" said the mother. "In my day we gave a blow job for 5 dollars."
"Good God!" said Grandma. "In my day we were just happy to get something warm in our stomachs!"
%%%%%%%%%%%
Q. What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it but can't eat it.
Active Ink Slinger
Before You Meet With God
A man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said:
"Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you we've looked at your life, and you really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision, like if reading Lush stories, for example?
The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied:
"Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!"
"I'm impressed," St. Peter responded, "When did this happen?"
"About two minutes ago," came the reply.
A man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said:
"Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you we've looked at your life, and you really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision, like if reading Lush stories, for example?
The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied:
"Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!"
"I'm impressed," St. Peter responded, "When did this happen?"
"About two minutes ago," came the reply.
Active Ink Slinger
The Gerber baby is perhaps the most recognized baby face in the world.
Active Ink Slinger
I'll dope that all out myself:
Not exactly a pimp: Marcos Urbina is a leader, an authority, also a computer expert. He's charismatic, a spiritual figure. I like to turn for guidance to such gurus as Marcos. I'm so annoyed with Rocco -Italian name- that I'm turning over -see photo.
Not exactly a pimp: Marcos Urbina is a leader, an authority, also a computer expert. He's charismatic, a spiritual figure. I like to turn for guidance to such gurus as Marcos. I'm so annoyed with Rocco -Italian name- that I'm turning over -see photo.
Active Ink Slinger
Mine isn't permanently rigid as these ones, so I'm not happy with it.
Active Ink Slinger
One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in an interesting manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.
Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
”Why are you stopping darling?” she whispered.
He whispered back, “I found the remote.”
Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
”Why are you stopping darling?” she whispered.
He whispered back, “I found the remote.”
Active Ink Slinger
You almost certainly mean my leader Marcos will find a black conscience, a sense of right and wrong on me? It’s a matter of ethics, not black panties here, Rocco -Italian name. I maintain I’m a pure.
Red is meant for evil.
Red is meant for evil.
Active Ink Slinger
Sorry, chefkathleen: I made a mistake. It would only work at landing aircraft by crew so special. Well, passengers at window seats would scream on arrival to airport -runway?
Active Ink Slinger
A man walks up to the bartender and says, "I bet you $100 dollars that I can stand on your bar and leak into a jar without spilling a drop."
The bartender laughs and tells him that is it such an impossible bet, he'll take it. So the man stands up on the bar, and cheering to his friends in the back, begins to leak.
He not only misses the jar, but doesn't even get a single drop in. He pisses all over the bar and floor and over the bartender. When he is done the bartender is still laughing and asks the man to give him the hundred bucks. The man hands over the money and smiles at the bartender.
The bartender asks him what is so funny when he just obviously lost so badly. The man replies, " I just bet my friends $1000 that I could leak all over you and your bar and not only would you not mind, but you would find it hilariously funny!".
%%%%%%%%%%%%
Horse walks into a bar, orders a beer, sits down at one of the tables, and starts reading his paper. The bartender is a bit shocked by all this, but pours the beer, and brings it over to the horse, who proffers a ten dollar bill for it. Now the barman figures the horse isn't that bright, so he decides to pull the old 'short-change' trick on him. He duly goes back to the horse with 1 dollar. The horse doesn't say a word.
The horse eventually finishes his beer and goes up to the bar to order another. Says the bartender to him, "Y'know, we don't get many horses in here." To which the horse replies:
"At nine dollars a beer, I'm not surprised!"
The bartender laughs and tells him that is it such an impossible bet, he'll take it. So the man stands up on the bar, and cheering to his friends in the back, begins to leak.
He not only misses the jar, but doesn't even get a single drop in. He pisses all over the bar and floor and over the bartender. When he is done the bartender is still laughing and asks the man to give him the hundred bucks. The man hands over the money and smiles at the bartender.
The bartender asks him what is so funny when he just obviously lost so badly. The man replies, " I just bet my friends $1000 that I could leak all over you and your bar and not only would you not mind, but you would find it hilariously funny!".
%%%%%%%%%%%%
Horse walks into a bar, orders a beer, sits down at one of the tables, and starts reading his paper. The bartender is a bit shocked by all this, but pours the beer, and brings it over to the horse, who proffers a ten dollar bill for it. Now the barman figures the horse isn't that bright, so he decides to pull the old 'short-change' trick on him. He duly goes back to the horse with 1 dollar. The horse doesn't say a word.
The horse eventually finishes his beer and goes up to the bar to order another. Says the bartender to him, "Y'know, we don't get many horses in here." To which the horse replies:
"At nine dollars a beer, I'm not surprised!"
Active Ink Slinger
Whiteness means purity -not white panty- so no need to call fire fighters now for hot pussy in flames.
Active Ink Slinger
Two friends, Bill and Bob, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Bill throws up all over himself. “Oh, no… Now my wife will kill me!”
Bob says, “Don’t worry, pal. Just stick a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.”
So they stay for another couple of hours and get totally plastered.
Eventually Bill stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. “You reek of drink and you’ve puked all over yourself! You are disgusting!”
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Bill says, “Now wainaminit, I can eshplain everythin. It’snot wha you think. I only had a couple drinks. But this other guy puked all over me. He was reeling and he juss could’n hold his liquor. He said he was very sorry an’ gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!”
His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, “But this is forty bucks…”
“Oh, yeah… I almos’ forgot, he crapped in my pants, too.
Bob says, “Don’t worry, pal. Just stick a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.”
So they stay for another couple of hours and get totally plastered.
Eventually Bill stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. “You reek of drink and you’ve puked all over yourself! You are disgusting!”
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Bill says, “Now wainaminit, I can eshplain everythin. It’snot wha you think. I only had a couple drinks. But this other guy puked all over me. He was reeling and he juss could’n hold his liquor. He said he was very sorry an’ gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!”
His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, “But this is forty bucks…”
“Oh, yeah… I almos’ forgot, he crapped in my pants, too.
Active Ink Slinger
A drunk orders himself a beer.
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink–he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely–but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries “Man! How many bars do you work at?”
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink–he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely–but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries “Man! How many bars do you work at?”
Active Ink Slinger
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, “And get me a whiskey you cow.”
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whiskey for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls, “And get me another whiskey you bitch.”
Quite upset,the girl comes back shaking with another whiskey but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach:
“I've asked you twice for coffee. Go and get it now, or I'll give you a slap.”
Next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says:
“For someone who can't fly, you're a cheeky bastard.”
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whiskey for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls, “And get me another whiskey you bitch.”
Quite upset,the girl comes back shaking with another whiskey but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach:
“I've asked you twice for coffee. Go and get it now, or I'll give you a slap.”
Next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says:
“For someone who can't fly, you're a cheeky bastard.”
Active Ink Slinger
CONTROLLER : Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two houres ago?
PILOT : Negativ, Sir. It's only the same pilot.
$$$$$
TOWER : Lufthansa 893, number one, checkcar on the runway.
PILOT : Roger, weïll check the car on the runway.
%%%%%%%%%
CONTROLLER : Delta Romeo Zulu, confirm you are inbound to Sulz NDB?
PILOT : Affirm, but we donït receive it!
%%%%%%%%%%
TOWER: PH-ABC, check you have the gear down?
PILOT: Sir, it has been down since this aircraft was built.
%%%%%%
PILOT: Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please.
GROUND: KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.
PILOT: Please confirm, two hours delay?
GROUND: Affirmative.
PILOT: In that case, cancel the good morning!
$$$$$$$$$
PILOT: Tower, request permission to enter zone XY.
TOWER: Negative!
PILOT: Did you say negative ?
TOWER: Affirmative
PILOT: Understood affirmative.I will call you leaving the zone.
$$$$$$$$$$
PILOT : Does the enemy F-16 come from east or west?
TOWER : Yes.
PILOT : Yes,what?
TOWER : Yes,SIR!
%%%%%%%%
(Transmission as a DC-10 rolls out long after a fast landing...)
San Jose Tower: American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport.
PILOT : Negativ, Sir. It's only the same pilot.
$$$$$
TOWER : Lufthansa 893, number one, checkcar on the runway.
PILOT : Roger, weïll check the car on the runway.
%%%%%%%%%
CONTROLLER : Delta Romeo Zulu, confirm you are inbound to Sulz NDB?
PILOT : Affirm, but we donït receive it!
%%%%%%%%%%
TOWER: PH-ABC, check you have the gear down?
PILOT: Sir, it has been down since this aircraft was built.
%%%%%%
PILOT: Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please.
GROUND: KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.
PILOT: Please confirm, two hours delay?
GROUND: Affirmative.
PILOT: In that case, cancel the good morning!
$$$$$$$$$
PILOT: Tower, request permission to enter zone XY.
TOWER: Negative!
PILOT: Did you say negative ?
TOWER: Affirmative
PILOT: Understood affirmative.I will call you leaving the zone.
$$$$$$$$$$
PILOT : Does the enemy F-16 come from east or west?
TOWER : Yes.
PILOT : Yes,what?
TOWER : Yes,SIR!
%%%%%%%%
(Transmission as a DC-10 rolls out long after a fast landing...)
San Jose Tower: American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport.
Active Ink Slinger
This warning system in the cabin really worked in their case, as crew could tell the aircraft was going to hit water, intead of ¡TERRAIN, TERRAIN! warning voice.