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unless you find the perfect woman
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sprite
1 hour ago
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Fluid Female
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Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by FtLMale
I have read these post, as well as BDSM 101 and other informative posts regarding BDSM; yet I still question aspects of the lifestyle, from the outside looking in.
To be generally considered a BDSM lifestyle , must it be based upon some standardized set of rules? Or, are the participants free to create their own lifestyle version that they pick and choose aspects, such a collaring, whips, part-time verses full-time, etc?
Is punishment/pain a part of the lifestyle? I understood Mistress S to say it is not only about pain, that pain is only used by a minority; and Sprite to say that it is not about pain. I believe they were referring to physical pain (please correct me if I misunderstood); but what about the pain felt by depravation or punishment by denial? This can cause greater distress then simple physical pain. Is pain or punishment in the BDSM codex for teaching, or is this an issue that is decided within individual relationships?
I apologize if my next question is considered inflammatory by some, but...
The surrender of will to the Dom is a decision made by the Sub, and yet following the orders of the Dom remains within the control of the Sub, thus would it not follow that the Sub retains the power in this equation? The Sub can walk out at any moment leaving the Dom as a powerless Puppet King. What mechanism in the relationship prevents this, trust? Or do I misunderstand this basic concept of the relationship?
i can, obviously, only talk about my experiences, both good and bad. btw, while being into bdsm i don't consider myself part of the 'lifestyle' it's not a 24/7 thing for me - when i am with my Mistress, i am totally devoted and into it, but it doesn't bleed over into ALL aspects of my life (some, though, it does, and it's helpful in my every day living - it keeps me focused and organized - it's a positive influence on me).
So, that all being said, bdsm is consensual. i consent to give up my power, to put my welfare and my needs into the hands of someone i trust. i actually enjoy physical pain, and we make that part of our play. as for psychological pain, yes, a bad Dom/me could submit their sub to harm that way, just like a part partner in a non bdsm relationship could. a good one doesn't. One VERY IMPORTANT thing to remember. a sub, that personality type usually wants to be punished for stepping outside the bounds - it's the same as apologizing and having it accepted. i know that, when i mess up, i feel pretty bad, and when i am punished, i feel forgiven. it's not all that different from any other relationship save that the method are different - instead of getting a hug i have to stand in the corner with my nose pressed against the wall and think about what i did - once the punishment is over i get that hug and all is right in my world. i feel absolved. i feel good, i feel loved, i feel special that my Mistress cares enough about me to punish me, because i KNOW it's not something that she enjoys doing either.
hope that helps a bit? i can expand if need be
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by CuriousKitty
With the right kitty, I MEAN person!!!!it is,,,, quite an experience. Sheaksjfhr THEY!!! Can uhm,,, spark your imagination with their amazing use of words. It's sort of like reading one of the stories here except better because you're a part of it (ya I'm not good with words =/)
funny, you always seem to be plenty good... with words, i mean, when... umm... *giggles* it really kind of can be an interactive story, but yeah, it takes imagination and creativity and a desire to make it... real? sexy? intimate... and yeah, if the spark isn't already there, it's just words, but if you have that spark, it's really so much more.
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by HighDesert
I am a little shocked at the level of open mindedness, but it was me who asked so... shame on me.
the way you presented your question led to the answers you got. now, you're back peddaling on the scenario and telling us we're not open minded? sorry, but next time, get it right the first time. ;)
Her Royal Spriteness
Just what is says. a place for funny pics and jokes, cause after all, sex is funny, no matter if you're doing it missionary style or tying up your sub and doing 'bad' things to her. just a place to be silly - please, it's not about belittling something that people feel strongly about, but really, i have heard comments like 'those guys into bdsm, are way too serious' lately, so i guess it's up to me to prove them wrong.
Her Royal Spriteness
btw? bdsm IS funny. it's a little weird, it's not something everyone is going to get, and dammit, it's ok to show a little humor. that said, laughing at it and those 'in the lifestyle' is not the same as laughing about it, if that makes sense? i think that bdsm people get a little bit edgy cause of all the misunderstanding and i think that Mistress S's bdsm 101 post should be read if people want to really understand the subject.
that said, there's often misunderstanding on both sides, like, when someone just wants to be funny, and doesn't mean any harm, or is trying to work stuff out, yeah, we tend to get a little defensive and go on the attack - honestly, as i told someone earlier - everything in life is funny, not always, but sometimes - that i like dressing up as a kitty and being tried up is hilarious! that doesn't mean i want to be laughed at, but dammit, if you smile at that thought and think i'm a bit silly, i won't be offended. i am, after all
if peep are truly curious, listen. if peep are just taking shots, knock it off and you'll find that bdsm peep will chill out too and sit and chat about it (probably until you wish they'd shut up).
mew! =^.^=
that said, there's often misunderstanding on both sides, like, when someone just wants to be funny, and doesn't mean any harm, or is trying to work stuff out, yeah, we tend to get a little defensive and go on the attack - honestly, as i told someone earlier - everything in life is funny, not always, but sometimes - that i like dressing up as a kitty and being tried up is hilarious! that doesn't mean i want to be laughed at, but dammit, if you smile at that thought and think i'm a bit silly, i won't be offended. i am, after all
if peep are truly curious, listen. if peep are just taking shots, knock it off and you'll find that bdsm peep will chill out too and sit and chat about it (probably until you wish they'd shut up).
mew! =^.^=
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by latinfoxy
Do we really need to turn this into yet another thread of i hate you, you hate me lets wait till a mod sense a warning before we both stop?
Seriously guys we get it, you both hate each others guts! for all of you that have been living under a lush rock This 2 hate each other!! There now everyone knows it!! lets move on!!
quite being the voice of reason! jeez! *giggles*
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by latinfoxy
Do we really need to turn this into yet another thread of i hate you, you hate me lets wait till a mod sense a warning before we both stop?
Seriously guys we get it, you both hate each others guts! for all of you that have been living under a lush rock This 2 hate each other!! There now everyone knows it!! lets move on!!
quit being the voice of reason! jeez! *giggles*
Her Royal Spriteness
i have said it before, and it seems it bears repeating. in MY experience, the sub is usually the one with a need for control. most of the really good Dom/mes i have experience with are NOT control freaks - they are confident and giving and very caring men and woman who are able to look at a subs needs and act upon them. i know that, i my case, my Mistress tailors her actions to a large degree upon what i need, translating my actions and words or even my unspoken words, and acting upon them. she pays attention and gives me what i need - it's a lot of work, and she does it with a great degree of patience and she is GOOD at it. she's never abusive and she is careful with me.
the control comes in that i choose to give myself to her, i dictate, to a degree, what goes on in the relationship, and i KNOW that i can slow things down or put a halt to them at ANY time i so choose. in a sense, i am the one who controls what happens during our sessions, be it overtly or subltly - i give her power of me - and i do that because she has earned my trust. That is what defines a good Dom/me. Trustworthiness, NOT control. i call total Bullshit on the 'addicted to control' line - that's not how a good Master/Mistress operates.
the control comes in that i choose to give myself to her, i dictate, to a degree, what goes on in the relationship, and i KNOW that i can slow things down or put a halt to them at ANY time i so choose. in a sense, i am the one who controls what happens during our sessions, be it overtly or subltly - i give her power of me - and i do that because she has earned my trust. That is what defines a good Dom/me. Trustworthiness, NOT control. i call total Bullshit on the 'addicted to control' line - that's not how a good Master/Mistress operates.
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by JesseS
I think that is an excellent suggestion! Perhaps volunteer with a group like Habitat for Humanity or, if you're a racing fan [any form], get involved with one of the teams. If you're into kinky things, spend a long weekend at a 'Lifestyle' resort or find a local club; those are FUN people!
i used to do Meals on Wheels and met a LOT of cool folk that way - still do some off and on stuff, and yeah, you totally end up meeting folks - great idea
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by Shylass
I don't want to be a chatterbox. I want to be somebody who says little but amazingly brilliantly. I think I just need to be a whole different person, really. I annoy myself with all my posts, let alone everybody else, and I just can't stop. I need a new hobby to stop me typing all the time. I tried knitting, but I was crap at it. Any suggestions?
Dammit, my next post will be 500. I might just keep editing this one.
so, in other words, you want to be me. *gigglefit* i love me right now!
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by CuriousKitty
I think that the amount of freedom a submissive has is related to the degree of trust in them by their domme/dome to be loyal. *thinks for a moment then sighs* I must not be very trusting then o.o,
i think you are just the exact amount of trusting, Mistress - of course, i am biased.
