I watch from the doorway, trying to gauge her mood. She is milling about the kitchen, seemingly happy, softly humming.

I approach her with optimism, drawing her towards me. "You're so beautiful." 

"You have to say that. You're my husband," she says, wriggling away.

"No, I mean it. I would love to show you what you mean to me," I continue, trying to kiss her.

"Hun, I have things I need to do," she replies, turning her cheek to my lips.

I move in again, coaxing, "But, the kids are gone for the afternoon. I thought we could enjoy some alone time. You know-"

"Stop! Just stop!"

"Stop? Stop what? Trying to make love to my wife? That's what couples do, you know," I respond, louder than intended. Damn, my patience wanes.  

I take a breath then continue in a softer voice, "Okay, if not now, then when. I want to know when my wife will make love with me again."

"Jesus, you are so selfish!" 

Ouch! That statement is the trigger. 

"I'm selfish? You know ... you don't get to decide all by yourself that I'm going to live a life of celibacy AT FORTY YEARS OLD!"

For a second, I think she's going to slap me. Her eyes shoot daggers before she spins on her heels and stalks away. 

Damn it to hell! I promised myself I wouldn't let this turn into another fight, and it did. I feel punched in the gut from her rejection. This is hardly the first time, but it nonetheless still hurts. A man never gets used to being turned down for sex, especially by his wife. Feeling frustrated, I head to the shower to cool off. The shower has become my safe place of late.

Once under the water stream, I grasp my rejected cock and begin stroking. Closing my eyes, I try to conjure up images to arouse myself. I can clearly picture the porn scenes I've been watching and pretend the women want me. Fuck, no response. So, I rub harder. Nothing. I pour liquid soap over my dangling dick and picture a woman on her knees, blowing me. Not even a twitch. For fuck's sake, what's happening? Dropping my unresponsive cock, I bang my fist into the tile again and again and again. I lose control of my emotions and bow my head underneath the showerhead, letting the running water hide my pouring tears. 

Make no mistake, I love my wife. However, I'm not sure I like her anymore. We are definitely not the same two people who married so many years ago. It isn't just her who changed. I changed too. There are things about me she doesn't like now. I know you're wondering why I don't just get a divorce. Well, we have two kids. I have thought about leaving many times but I don't think they would forgive me and I can't live with that. Actually, I think, for the most part, she's happy with our lives. We are financially stable, have good kids, enjoy fun times as a family. She is obviously fine with us no longer having sex. 

Honestly, I can't remember the last time we had great sex. Looking back, I see the warning signs. Oral sex stopped. When I tried to go down on her, she would just tell me she was ready to fuck. Then, she seemed to want me to speed up the fuck ... get it over with. Now, she doesn't open-mouth kiss me anymore, just quick pecks at bedtime and when we are saying good-bye to one another. And I started to panic and reacted by becoming more aggressive about having sex. The more aggressive I became, the more she pulled away. It is a vicious cycle for sure. And now, here I am struggling to get a hard-on to even masturbate. I'll admit it. My ego is tied up in my cock. I feel like less of a man when I'm not having sex. Maybe that's just me. Am I a selfish asshole for getting upset because my wife won't have sex with me? Maybe I am. All I know for sure is I'm lonely in my marriage ... incredibly lonely.

I am pretty desperate at this point - needing some kind of sexual release. I don't think I could ever cheat on my wife. Having never cheated or been cheated on, it just doesn't feel like an option. Looking for some way to feel better, I join Lush. It becomes my escape from reality and I begin reading and even writing stories about sex.

I successfully publish a few stories about some of my fantasies. To be honest, it feels good. When readers comment on my fantasies, they help rebuild my self-esteem. If a reader comments, "Sexy read," I feel sexy inside. One day, I stumble upon a female author whose writings attract my attention. She writes some D/s stuff which has been a growing fantasy of mine. However, it's really her series on a couple's journey to rekindle sex that prompts me to message her. I tell her I enjoy her writing and wish my life flowed like her story as far as rekindling sex within a marriage. I really don't expect a reply and am pleasantly surprised when I receive one.

She first offers words of advice, then understanding. We message back and forth about the problems within my marriage. She offers some helpful insights about my wife and how to maybe approach her in a more positive way. More than that, she seems to feel empathy for my feelings in the matter. I can't tell you how good that feels to me.

“So, what do you like to do when you aren’t counseling men with marital issues?” I ask, after messaging for several days. I'm feeling a little guilty about our conversations centering around me and my problems.

“You know, you are the first person in a long time to ask me that question. Well, I love being outside in nature. And music. I listen to music all the time.”

“I love music too. Who are you listening to?”

And so it begins. Such an innocent topic as music. We email our playlists and song suggestions back and forth. Conversation flows effortlessly getting more and more personal with each message. With her kindness, she instills trust. It isn't too long before we send real headshots to each other and disclose our first names. Her name is Cassie. I reveal my name is David.

Another couple of days of chatting pass before she sends me an email telling me about her past, disclosing some painful things she's been through as well, showing her growing trust with me. 

I reply, “I had to read and re-read what you just said. I don’t want to overstep our boundaries, but the man in me wants to comfort you … hug you, and make you feel better. I just want you to know I see you as an intelligent, amazing woman.”

I know that statement moves me closer to the line I shouldn't cross. Something inside me wants to comfort her. I can't help it.

“No one has told me something that sweet in such a long time, David. I can’t thank you enough for those words. I'm okay though. Looking back, I see my marriage was a mistake from the beginning. I was too young and inexperienced to see it.”

“I hear you. I think my wife is beautiful and I still love her. But, we are very different now. Our sexual needs are different, but also we are different in other important ways.”

“I understand. I didn't see the differences in my husband either until it was too late ... had no idea what I needed in a mate back when I married. I loved him. He said he loved me, and I thought that was enough.”

“So, hey, I love talking to you. I'm headed out of town for a conference for a week and will have more time to chat at night if you like.”

“I would like that, David. Just to be honest with you, we need to be careful as I am feeling a connection with you already. Something I haven’t felt in a very long time. I told you I was here to write and want an in-person mate, not an online one.”

“I feel a nice connection too, but I don't want to interfere in your pursuit of a mate. Please, don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, okay? If you agree, I would just love to continue talking to you and will have freedom next week. It's up to you though.”

ooOoo

The next week...

We chat every night while I'm out of town. Each night I feel more comfortable with her ... more attracted to her. We delve into our respective writings and our fantasies that ignited them. Adding to my attraction, I discover she is the submissive to my dominant personality. I am in a position at work where I am in charge, and I like it. I consider myself fair, yet stern. Another difference with my wife is she wants to be in control at home. You can't have two chiefs. Trust me, it just doesn't work well. 

Each day I am sitting at the conference, I find myself watching the clock until I can message Cassie. Her blue eyes are always in my head. She was really cute to me upon first look, but after getting to know her, her cuteness has morphed into a sexy, beautiful woman. Her interest in me builds my lagging confidence. My cock has reawakened too, causing me discomfort in my snug khakis. It's that feeling we all crave, you know?

On my last night, I message, “Warning – I've been drinking. We went out on a boat with customers and I had a few drinks and buzzing a little, feeling some things about you.”

"Would you like to call me on the phone?" she messages back. "Here's my number. No pressure, David. Up to you. I would just love to hear your voice."

I sit staring at her number. This is a big step - more personal information exchanged. Hearing each other's voices makes this very real. Do I want to go here? The alcohol in me has lowered my self-control and I dial her number.

"Hello," a lovely voice answers. There is a sexiness to it that conjures up more inappropriate thoughts in my head.

"Hi, Cassie. It's David."

"David! Oh my goodness! Okay. Okay. I am a little nervous. Bear with me."

I chuckle, "It's okay, Cassie. I am nervous too." God, she's so cute!

"I love your voice! It's deep and sounds soothing to me. Sexy too."

"Yeah, I was afraid this might feel a little awkward on the phone, but it doesn't at all. I love your voice too and you sound so vibrant."

She giggles, "I am excited, David ... like a silly school girl for some reason."

She giggles again. God, her laugh is contagious!

"So, tell me about your evening. Are you still buzzing a little?" she asks.

"I am definitely buzzing and my evening was okay. There were music and dancing on the boat and I couldn't help but wish a certain someone was there. Forgive me if I am being too bold, but I would love to have been holding you and dancing with you. You said you loved to dance. And I thought about kissing you too. What do you think about that?"

She is quiet then responds, "I would like that, David." She continues, talking in a low whisper. "You know dancing is great foreplay. Two bodies swaying, rubbing against one another. People are watching, so you can only tease each other. Then, you bow your head and take my lips with yours. Oh my ... sorry ... getting carried away!"

"No, don't be sorry. I love it. You're such a sensual woman. I see it in your writing. Now, I hear it in your voice."

I become emotional, thinking about how much I love talking to her. God, I've missed this spark in my life.

"David?"

"I'm here," my voice cracks.

"What is it? Tell me, please."

"I just ... just ... love talking to you. You have no idea how good you are making me feel, Cassie."

We sit in silence for a few moments.

"David, what are you wearing?"

Surprised by her question, I hesitate, then answer, "I am lying on the bed in my boxers."

We hover over the line.

“David, slide those boxers off. Put your phone on speaker and set it beside you. Don't talk, just listen."

I remove my boxers.

"David, I am there, naked, and crawling up the bed towards you. My lips mash against yours in a passionate kiss. You tongue me and I love it. You are so sexy. Our eyes lock while you decide what you want me to do. Then, you order me to suck you."

"Cassie, oh, God. I want-"

"Shhh. No talking."

My cock is hard as a fucking rock.

She continues, "I separate your legs and nestle between them. Looking up at you, my fingertips lightly graze your cock from base to tip. Now, grab your cock, David. Your hand is mine. Is your cock hard, baby?"

"Very," I answer. "But, I want to-"

"No more talking. This is all about you, baby. Please, let me do this for you. Just listen. Now, I curl my fingers around your thickness and stroke you. You are so big, baby. I love your cock ... love it. I look up at you. My goodness, you are so handsome and sexy. I love stroking your cock. Up and down. Up and down. My other hand gently cups your balls. There are so hard. I will be your good girl and empty them for you. Just relax baby. I will take good care of you. Pleasure you. Make you cum. I continue rubbing your shaft, hearing your moans increase. Your breath quickens. My hand feels so good on your sensitive skin. Like your good girl, I ask permission to taste you. I submit to your bidding. David, do you want me to lick your cock?"

"Yes, Cassie." Damn, she is killing me with the 'good girl' stuff.

"I dip my head and flick my tongue on your head, baby. Your cock jumps in response. Keep stroking baby. Are you excited?"

"Fuck, yes."

"I run my tongue up and down your shaft, feeling it pulsate. You continue to lengthen with my attentions. Hmmm, you taste good. My hand strokes your base as my mouth sucks just the tip. Just a taste, then I slide you back out. Then, I suck you back in. This time, I slowly inhale you inch by glorious inch, baby. Wet your hand and stroke harder now, baby. Feel the wetness of my mouth. I let you fuck my face, pushing in and out, a little further each time, until you hit the back of my throat. My tongue flattens. Relaxing my throat, I slide down my tight hole. Do you feel my walls hugging you, David?"

"Yes, God, yes. Don't stop, Cassie," I beg. My hand is jacking me hard now ... getting close. Fuck, I feel good.

"Oh my goodness, it feels good to you. Keep rubbing and listening. I'm here with you. My hands slide underneath you and grab your gorgeous ass. God, you are so sexy. I would love for that cock to fuck me, David. It feels so good in my mouth. I suck and suck and suck and then swallow your head-"

"Cassie!" I yell, cumming ... hard. 

"Let it out, baby. I'm here. Let it all out. Empty your cock in my mouth," she says, continuing to whisper the sexiest things to me.

When I catch my breath, I almost cry in relief. That was a long time coming ... and cumming. 

"Baby." I take a breath. "You're incredible! So sexy, baby. Thank you for doing that for me. I mean it. Been so very long ..."

"I wanted to make you feel good, David. You have no idea how attracted I am to you. No idea. I only wish I was there to pleasure you in-person."

"And Cassie, that is the last time I cum first. Now, be a good girl and slide off your shorts and panties."

Line crossed.

(To be continued...)