Later that morning Kal found himself in a very unexpected situation: riding piggyback on Ikuno. She was taking advantage of the natural trail that ran along the base of the mountain range. The oni surmised that it had been made over many years by herds of game animals traveling north and being turned aside by the steep mountain faces, eventually creating a decently wide path. Kal had used it a few times to get to Ikunoās but it wasnāt significantly faster for him to go north to the trail and then come across than to use his normal route straight through the forest. Since planting Eludora he hadnāt used it at all, stopping to check on his daughter each time it was light enough out to do so.
Trees whipped by from the screaming pace Ikuno had set with the help of Kalās haste rune. He could move fast with his runes but the oniās long legs were eating up the distance to their target at an impressive rate. Ikuno informed him they had a good reason to test traveling like this. An unfertilized harpyās egg started losing itās magic as soon as it was laid, meaning they will need to get from the harpy nest to the salamanderās cave in the eastern mountains as quickly as possible.
They were far beyond any lands he was familiar with when she finally slowed then stopped in front of a rocky crag on the mountainside. A fissure ran up the stone that had slowly filled with rocks, making a slope for them to start climbing.
As she caught her breath, Ikuno looked up at the fissure and the sheer stone faces on either side that stood well over the treetops. āLast test,ā she said, āclimb up then jump down. Iāll catch you if something goes wrong. Donāt forget your strength rune too before you jump.ā
Kal rolled his eyes, āYes Mom,ā he said in a voice dripping with sarcasm.
Ikuno glared at him as he set both their travel packs down and began climbing the slope of loose rocks. He appreciated her worry, but they had done this same test of his feather fall rune dozens of times already. At this point, he had to constantly push away the thought that she doubted his abilities and remember that she was only being so cautious because she loved him. On the other hand, he could understand her concern. The feather fall spell and rune were going to be their quick way back down once their business with the harpy was done. He disliked the idea of becoming a greasy smear on the side of a mountain as much as anyone else.
The strength rune brightened when he was about halfway to the top and he launched himself to the edge of the fissure, grabbing the lip and quickly pulling himself up with his enhanced muscles. He then calmly walked off the edge of the cliff as the feather fall rune began glowing white. True to all his other tests, he floated down towards Ikuno. Unlike in his other tests, a side wind knocked him off course and he had to push off a couple of tree branches before maneuvering himself into a clear spot to land.
Ikuno smiled, āI should make you do it again just for the āmomā comment,ā she said handing his pack to him. Kal laughed and checked the crystal tucked into a small pouch he had put on his vambrace for just that purpose. Observing that it was about three-quarters drained he slipped it back into its leather holder, not seeing the need to switch it out with one of the other three he had brought along.
Ikuno had also stocked up for this trip, Kal had gotten so used to seeing her horns with black tips they almost seemed odd now that they were completely golden again. After getting drunk on magic last year she made certain that there was room in her energy stores whenever Kal was around so there wouldnāt be any repeats.
As they reached the top of the fissure Kal looked over the bleak landscape. A few scraggly trees were managing to eke out the nutrients needed to live from soil that had blown into the cracks scattered about the rocks. Fauna was nearly non-existent, the only exceptions being the occasional bird flitting from tree to tree searching for seeds or bugs. Large spikes of rock that had long ago sheared off nearby stone faces jutted out at odd angles giving the area a very inhospitable atmosphere. Occasionally small patches of lichen could be seen tinting the stone green in areas protected from the biting wind.
The stiff breeze whipped Kalās cloak about now that they were above the treetops and there were no natural windbreaks besides the peak they were about to climb. Ikuno went on ahead as Kal flipped up his hood and secured the rarely used fasteners sewed into the garment. He wondered for a moment if other wizards had to deal with such issues or if they had some spell that protected them from the annoying gusts. As he started after Ikuno, Kal mulled over the concept of a protection from air spell but quickly discarded the idea. He didnāt need a rune to accidentally protect him from the air he needed to breathe.
Unlike the mountains by Ikunoās cave, there were no game trails between the northern and southern forests for them to follow. Up ahead Ikuno was carefully making her way across an area of sharp looking rubble and broken rocks. Kal looked up at the area just below where the snow covered the very top of the mount and sighed. For all of their haste in getting here, he had a feeling that this was going to be a very long and very slow climb.
------
About noon they found a dimple in the rock face along the tiny ledge they were traversing. It gave Ikuno and him just enough room to sit and get a bite to eat. There had only been two mishaps on their journey so far. The first where another ledge similar to the one they were sitting on crumbled beneath Ikunoās feet. She lunged forward and caught the ledge in front of her with her claws and hung there with an annoyed look on her face until Kal jumped the missing section and helped pull her up. The second was when Kal overbalanced while passing under an overhang and had to quickly anchor himself to the rock with geomancy to keep from falling.
With all of their attention on the treacherous climb, there had been no opportunity to talk until now.
āFor a couple of magic users this seems to be the slowest way we could go about this,ā Kal said.
āIf you have any ideas, Iām all ears,ā Ikuno responded, āI could probably climb straight up with a little magical help.ā She grinned at the look Kal was giving her, āI know I said earlier that we should conserve our magic since once we get the egg there wonāt be time to rest and recharge, but if Iām being honest, Iām as sick of this as you seem to be. Were you wanting to try the piggyback again? Iām worried that will be a lot of weight pulling me backwards.ā
āI have something in mind,ā he said looking over the edge and fighting off momentary vertigo. Down below them was a small rock ledge that they had crossed earlier. Kal reached out and as quickly as possible tied his will to the rock but with much smaller magic cables than he had used when practicing with Gerda. Giving a small tug Kal felt the connection was secure enough for what he planned.
āOkay, Iām curious. What have you got?ā said Ikuno as they finished up their midday meal.
Kal stood and studied the steep rocky slope above. A fair distance up he could make out a ledge big enough for them to stand on. He crouched for a moment as the strength rune shined bright then sprang high into the air well above his intended target. As the feather fall rune glowed he reached out with one of the magic cables and attached it to the wall behind the ledge. Yanking himself forward as he severed the rope he quickly drifted down onto the outcropping, anchoring himself with magic as he touched the wall. Kal checked the crystal he was pulling magic from. The entire maneuver had only taken a couple of seconds and he only saw a small drop in the crystalās level.
Looking back down he could barely make out Ikunoās smile as she cast a strength spell on herself and with the nimbleness of a cat quickly climbed up to join him, the claws on her hands and feet sinking easily into the stone. Kal kept one hand anchored as he reached out with the other and helped Ikuno onto the ledge.
Smiling up at Ikuno, Kal said, āThis feels more like how a wizard should climb a mountain.ā
āI couldnāt agree more,ā she replied. āThe harpyās nest should be off that way.ā
Kal looked in the direction she was pointing and picked out his next destination.
------
Kal sailed up over the ledge in front of the harpyās cave, then stared in shock as a human male dressed in thick furs screamed in terror and frantically scooted backwards from where he had been sitting. Kal was so surprised he forgot to pull himself forward onto the ledge. Thankfully, he was close enough to reach out and grab the lip as he slowly floated downwards and with some help from the strength rune quickly pulled himself up. The two men stared at one another until recognition dawned on both their faces.
āRone?ā asked Kal.
āKal? Kal!ā cried the man jumping to his feet with tears in his eyes and running over to wrap Kal in a big hug. āMaster Kal! Thank goodness! I didnāt know if anyone knew I had been kidnapped! I canāt believe they sent you to rescue mmph!ā
Kal had heard the scratching of claws on the rock behind him that suddenly stopped just below the ledge followed by a quiet, āDammit, dammit, dammit,ā from Ikuno when she realized there was another human there. Worse yet, a human from Telsin.
Kal had grabbed Rone by the collar and put his hand over the manās mouth. His eyes glowed followed by a menacing red light from his strength and fire resistance runes. āI am not here to rescue you and I will happily leave you here if you donāt swear that you will speak to no one of what you are about to see.ā Kal hated to scare the life out of the already distraught man but Kal knew Ikuno would not come up unless she knew her secret was safe from getting back to his mother.
Roneās eyes flicked from the glowing runes to his eyes before the man nervously nodded.
Kal removed his hand from the manās mouth and in an official manner said, āDo you swear on your life you will never speak to anyone about my companion until the time I release you from this oath.ā
āI... I swear,ā said Rone nervously. Kal saw a bit of magic snap into place between the two of them that was slightly similar to the bonding magic, Kal hoped that if Rone failed to keep his mouth shut he wouldnāt suddenly keel over dead from this.
Kal called back over his shoulder, āYou can come up now, Ikuno.ā
āAre you sure?ā came a call from over the edge, the manās eyes darted towards the voice.
āHe swore an oath. Heās good,ā Kal said as the runes faded and his eyes returned to their normal color.
With a fair amount of claws scratching on stone, a large blue hand appeared on the rock ledge quickly followed by the rest of the oni as she pulled herself up. Looking at Rone, Ikuno attempted to give him a kindly smile but Kal could see the strain in her eyes. He would have to tell her about the oath and the magic that seemed to go with it.
Rone saw things very differently. At Kalās call, a blue-skinned ogre climbed up and started walking towards them, flashing her fangs and grinning hungrily. Roneās conscious mind fled in terror leaving only instinct. The man screamed at the top of his lungs, abject horror and the certainty that he was about to be killed and eaten painted upon his face. The man ripped his collar out of Kalās hands and bolted, still screaming, into the mouth of the cave. Turning off into a side tunnel he ran full bore back to the harpyās nest and curled up into a ball off to one side. With no exits besides the one he just came in, he shivered and awaited his end.
Kalās first impulse had been to run after him but he only made it a few steps before his eyes were drawn far upwards to take in the enormous cave opening before him. The arched entrance could easily hold the entire Inn back in Telsin with plenty of room to spare all around it. At the peak of the arch, you could set a second inn on top of the first and still have at least a few paces between the roof and the stone above. The cave appeared to run a good distance inside before sloping upwards and disappearing off further into the mountain peak. Like Kal, Ikuno had been too distracted by the sudden appearance of Rone to notice the gigantic opening and now stood staring in amazement next to the slack-jawed runesmith.
āHoly hell. Did a dragon live here? Or, more importantly, ādoesā a dragon live here?ā Kal said looking up at Ikuno, only to find that the oni had shaken off her momentary amazement and was looking down at long furrows in the rock beneath them.
āNot a dragon,ā said Ikuno looking confused, āIf it had been a dragon there would be a second set of claw marks up there where the front legs came down when landing. Whatever lived here landed on two feet and they were much larger than a dragonās. You go deal with your friend, Iāll see if I can figure this out.ā
Kal nodded, not bothering to correct Ikuno that he and Rone werenāt friends as it didnāt much matter at that moment. Roneās parents had been the ones to purchase his grandparentās old farm from Kalās mother. After getting things cleaned up Roneās father tended both farms until his son was old enough to take over their old farm. He and Kal had run into each other a few times in town over the years and chatted amiably but never to the point if considering the man a friend.
Kal stepped into the small tunnel just inside the cave entrance that Rone had disappeared down. It continued into the rock then made a gradual turn to the left before going back towards the center of the mountain for a few paces and finally opening up into the room Rone was huddled in.
The small cavern appeared to have been carved out of the stone specifically for a human-sized occupant. One corner on the back wall was filled with a large nest that Kal assumed had been made by the harpy they were seeking. Broken wooden shelves ran along the opposite wall next to a jutting piece of rock that looked suspiciously like Ikunoās flat-topped stone cook stove, Kal could see magic flowing through it along with feeling the heat it constantly gave off on his face. Kal could see a couple of runes he wanted to investigate further on the side but right now his priority was the man quivering in fear behind the broken shelves.
āWhy did you run Rone? Ikuno is with me. She wonāt hurt you,ā said Kal to the wide-eyed man.
None of what Kal had just said registered with the terrified man, āIām sorry Master Kal! When I get home, Iāll ask my parents to give you your grandparentās farm back! They can come live with me and Marda, I wonāt mind! Just donāt let her eat mā¦ā
āRONE!ā bellowed Kal making the man shut up with a startled whimper. Roneās voice had been getting more hysterical as he went on and Kal could see the man was on the verge of passing out from hyperventilating. Kal held up a finger, āNumber one: Ikuno does not eat humans. Two: If I wanted your parentās farm I could easily buy it from them, many times over. Three,ā Kal took a moment to pull a small stone stool out of the middle of the room and sit down, āHow the hell did a farmer like you manage to land as fine a woman as Marda?ā

The wonder of seeing Kal use magic right in front of him immediately followed by such a mundane question seemed to derail Roneās terror and he sputtered for a moment before answering. āDad got sick this last winter, I was making trips into town to pick up his medicine. We started talking a bit and suddenly she showed up at my farm one day. Watched me all day as I worked, asking questions the whole time.ā
Rone visibly relaxed as he told more of his story, āShe spent the night with me,ā the man blushed, āthen got up and left the next morning. Two days later she showed up with a cart full of her belongings and moved in, it never occurred to me to turn her away. At the beginning of this spring, her dad and the Tanner made it official. The womanās been a godsend and sheās pretty sure we have a little one on the way already.ā Roneās face fell, āI hope she doesnāt think Iāve run off on her.ā
The apothecaryās second daughter had been the star of quite a few of Kalās fantasies just before he met Ikuno. The woman was the definition of voluptuous and was not ashamed to flaunt it by wearing low cut dresses to show off her ample cleavage. She was also the center of attention for some time when her eldest sister visited from the capital, where she was studying to be a cleric, and brought a new fashion that was popular there called a corset. More than once Kal walked into the apothecaryās store to find it filled with young men buying silly things just for the chance to ogle the woman.
He also knew that she was very strong-willed, having seen her get into arguments with her father behind the counter numerous times as he went to pick up medicine for his mother. This was also the reason, according to the townās gossip circle, that she hadnāt seen much for suitors. Roneās story didnāt surprise him much.
āIād be more worried that she thinks youāre dead, Rone. How long have you been here?ā Kal said quietly wishing for a moment that he had been able to form a bond with Perra the same as the rest of his women, so he could at least get a message to the family that the man was alive.
Roneās eyes widened in horror at the thought until he mentally conceded that Kal had a point. āFour days,ā he said, āIs there any way you could get word to her that Iām alive? Felli picked me up when I was out in one of the back fields, away from the house. I doubt she could have seen me get taken.ā
āFelli?ā asked Kal.
āThe harpy, her name is Felli. Disgusting thing she is, eats her own young. She laid an egg yesterday then cut the top off and slurped half of it down like it was a fine ale. Worse yet she offered the other half to me. I ran outside and emptied my stomach on the ledge. Then when I come back she turns around and acts all sweet and loving towards me like she didnāt just kill and eat her own child! I canāt figure out how something so warm and caring, even if she is forgetful, can be so horrible at the same time. Now that you are here to take me home I wonāt have to worry about it.ā
Now who was being forgetful, thought Kal. āRone Iām not here to rescue you, I have business with the harpy. Felli? Is that correct?ā
Roneās face fell, āYou did say that outside, didnāt you.ā
āIām sorry, but we didnāt bring anything with to get you down the mountain safely. Had we known you were here things would have been different. As things stand, between Ikuno and I, we might be able to figure out a way to get you down, but I won't risk either myself or her dying for you. Your best bet is to make a deal with Felli and get her to take you back or you will have to wait a few days until we can mount a proper rescue with the correct gear.ā
āMake a deal? How do you mean?ā asked Rone.
āHave you had sex with her?ā
Rone looked appalled, āOf course not!ā
āGood, thereās your bargaining chit. Agree that you wonāt sleep with her until she promises to take you home.
āWhy on earth would I sleep with that monster?!ā
āWhy not? Itās your quickest way home.ā
āOnly to watch her eat my child in a couple of days?ā Rone stood up, furious that Kal would even ask him to consider the idea.
Kal waved off the manās ire, āI would never suggest such a thing. A harpy will defend a fertilized egg with her life, the one she ate was unfertilized. Iām sure you have chickens back at home and know as well as I do that theyāll keep laying eggs without a rooster, only those eggs will never hatch. Itās the same concept.ā
āIāve never seen a chicken eat its own eggs,ā Rone growled.
āOf course not, you take care of your livestock. Starve them or deprive them of water and you may see a different side to them before they stop laying completely. Harpies donāt have that luxury, they wonāt stop laying and it takes a lot out of them to make each of those eggs, both from their bodies and from their magic. Which brings me to why Iām here, I need one of her unfertilized eggs for some magic Iām working on. If she agrees then I have to leave the moment itās laid,ā Kal said calmly.
Rone bit off his retort when he heard Ikunoās voice from the tunnelās entrance.
āIs it safe for me to come in, Kal?ā she called.
āYes!ā he yelled back. Rone had already shrunk back into the corner by the time Ikunoās large blue form entered the room, partially bent over so she didnāt scrape her horns on the ceiling of the passageway. āI think Iāve convinced Rone you arenāt going to eat him. Find out anything interesting?ā he asked.
Ikunoās eyes flicked to Roneās frightened visage, then directly to Kalās eyes. She dropped to her knees by the doorway and slowly crawled over to Kal, āThe only man in danger of being eaten is you, Master,ā she said with a sly grin while shooting lustful glances at his groin.
Kal knew the display was for Roneās sake but that didnāt stop the front of his trousers start to rise. Ikuno laid her head on his leg and Kal gently ran his fingers through her hair, getting a very honest purr from the oni. He looked up at Rone who had started to relax at the unexpectedly tender display, āIkuno belongs to me, Rone. As I said before you have no need to fear her.ā
āHow on earth did you tame an ogre?ā the man said staring wide-eyed at the large blue woman.
Ikuno grunted in annoyance but Kal answered, āSheās not an ogre. Sheās from the far east and called an oni. How she became mine is a story for another time.ā Kal looked down at her, āDid you find anything interesting?ā
Ikuno sighed in disappointment, she had been enjoying the feeling of Kalās fingers through her hair. Sitting back on her feet with her knees out in front she said, āI think I have, and it may mean that we need to explore these caves some more. Iām beginning to think that this may have been a rocās nest.ā
Kal looked dubious, āA rockās nest? Iām pretty sure stones donāt need nests.ā
Ikuno giggled, Kal knew it was for the kidnapped farmerās sake yet again, but it felt very out of place coming from her. āNo, not like stones. Like the legendary bird, sounds the same but itās spelled differently. Imagine a bird that can make those scratches outside.ā Kal and even Rone nodded after a moment, āThose were made by a baby roc, barely out of its shell.ā Both menās faces showed their shock as Ikuno continued, āRocs were known to have attendants, usually an elf for their long lives, whose main duty was to deal with the ālesser racesā on the rocās behalf. Where we are now would have likely been the attendantās quarters. Rocs are also known to be extremely magical, far beyond dragons even, as well as being master stone shapers, able to hide massive caves like this from those not worthy of being able to fly.ā
Kal sat quietly for a moment and processed everything Ikuno had said. āThat must be why we never saw the cave entrance as we were climbing. You said we should explore the cave some?ā
Ikuno gave him a beaming smile and nodded a little too vigorously, āYes, Master!ā
Kal sighed and looked at Rone who seemed to be completely at ease with Ikunoās presence. āSorry, Rone,ā the man gave Kal a questioning look as he turned back to Ikuno. āDrop the act please, itās just too strange seeing you behaving like that.ā
Ikuno sighed as the look of adoration left her face and took on a more normal smile. āFine then,ā she said. Rone seemed to be getting very agitated about the deception until the oni leaned forward and put her head back on Kalās leg then reached up and directed his hand to play with her hair again. āThatās better,ā she said contentedly, then continued with her explanation. āI think we should see if there is any chance of even a tiny shard of the egg left or, if we got really lucky, a feather. Even after thousands of years, either one should still have far more magical potential than the harpyās egg.ā
āThen perhaps we should do that while Felli is still away,ā Kal looked over at Rone, āAny idea when she will be back?ā he asked.
Rone stared at the oni seeming unsure of what to make of her, āShe usually takes a few hours to hunt each time she leaves,ā he answered only paying partial attention to his words. āShe left not too long before you two showed up.ā Rone looked up at Kal, āIf you find something will you come back here or leave right away?ā
Ikuno looked up at him, āIf we find an egg shard then the next half of our journey wonāt be necessary, so we wouldnāt need to leave right away.ā
āHe is hoping that we might be able to rescue him. He was kidnapped a few days ago by the harpy that lives here,ā said Kal.
āI thought that may have been the case. If we find something in the nest, rescue could be a possibility. Unfortunately, feather fall wastes too much magic for me to guarantee a second person would be able to make it down the mountain and still have enough left for the trip east.ā Ikuno raised her head up and gave Kal a kiss on the cheek before standing, āThat felt wonderful Kal. If he needs rescuing, it would be easiest to wait a couple of days and come back with Gerda once she returns.ā
āGerda?ā asked Rone nervously. He liked the oni better when she wasnāt towering over him.
āAnother one of Kalās women,ā said Ikuno, āSheās an earth elemental and can move through rock like swimming in water. She can also take people with her. She canāt get you home, but she can get you to the bottom of the mountain safely and quickly.ā
Kal stood as well, āLet's worry about that later. Iām curious to see what this rocās nest looks like.ā
Ikuno nodded and ducked as she entered the tunnel outside. Kal turned to Rone, āThink about what I said. Felli isnāt dumb, she can be bargained with. She just wants you to give her a child, agree to that and you may be home as soon as tonight,ā he said before turning and following the oni.
Kal caught up with Ikuno as she started up the slope towards the nest. When she felt they were out of earshot of anyone standing inside the tunnel they just came out of she stopped and rounded on Kal.
āWhat are you up to Kal? When we started this journey, you were ready and willing to fuck this harpy, Felli or whatever her name is. Now you seem to be dead set on letting your friend in there do your dirty work for you.ā
āRone is an acquaintance at best, not a friend. He may not be the most assertive guy but from what I know heās a decent man. Takes care of his animals and his woman too, his wife wouldnāt put up with any mistreatment for even a second. Iād rather give Felliās chick a chance at having a father nearby than someone like me who will only be around every so often.ā
Ikuno seemed taken aback by his answer, āI must say Iām impressed. I was a little worried that your change of attitude might make you feel like you had free reign to put your cock in any hole that was available.ā
āTechnically I could do just that,ā he said stepping up to the oni and slipping a hand underneath the leather flap to cup her pussy, making her gasp. āHowever, I have plenty of options already and sometimes have a hard time keeping up with those. I donāt plan on adding any more to this little harem unless necessary.ā
āHmm, maybe I should teach you that rejuvenation spell sooner rather than later if just the five of us are getting to be too much for you.ā
āāJust the five of you,āā Kal snorted and continued walking up the slope, āif I ran into another woman with yours and Perraās sex drive I think someone would just find an empty husk that used to be me fluttering in the breeze.ā
Ikuno followed him, āHey now, that was Aradelle that tried to suck you dry, not me and Perra.ā
Kal laughed, āTrue, but you both have certainly have been trying your hardest to match what āDell did.ā
āDo you want us to stop?ā
Kal smiled, āNot on your life.ā
------
It was late afternoon when a very confused Perra walked into Master Jurienās store. The normally jolly man had a dour look on his face.
āHow can I help ya, Lady Perra,ā he said in an uncharacteristically exasperated tone.
āUm⦠Master Jurien is your daughter here?ā she asked.
The apothecary looked surprised for a moment, āAye she is, but she just lost her man a few days ago and is in no mood ta be talking ta customers.ā
āMy apologies Master Jurien but Iām not here as a customer I came to see her specifically.ā
Jurienās eyes narrowed as he glared at Perra, āMarda! Lady Perra is here ta see you. Nina, youād better come too,ā he yelled without turning. āNow donāt be going and upsetting my girl sheās had a hard couple of days.ā
Perra nodded nervously under the manās gaze as they waited. Moments later Marda pushed aside the leather curtain that covered the door to the back area soon followed by her mother.
It was plain from Mardaās eyes she had been crying, āCan I help ya, Lady Perra?ā
Perra struggled for a few seconds to find the right words before suddenly blurting out, āYour husband is alive!ā
Hope was tempered by disbelief on all three faces in front of the young woman.
āPlease donāt be lying to me, Lady Perra.ā
āIād almost bet my life on it that he was talking with Kal not long ago. Whatās more confusing is that Kal is hours away, getting spell components from a harpy in the northeastern mountains. I believe he is upset but unharmed.ā
Mardaās eyes lit up, āA harpy! That would explain why his tracks just stopped in the middle of the field!ā
Nina nodded at Mardaās assessment having seen the tracks herself and readily accepted Perraās words. Knowing Rone was safe, she quickly reverted to her profession saying āBlast it, wish I had known that Kal was going to a harpyās nest. I could use a few feathers.ā
Jurien was more skeptical, āHow on earth would you know that, Lady Perra.ā
Perra shook her head, the look of confusion evident on her face, āIn all honesty Master Jurien⦠I donāt know.ā
Her pendant glinted as the setting sun touched the treetops.
~~Edited by: Old Fart~~
