Now that I have aged into my golden years, I can look back and see the events and subconscious desires that were lurking under my acquired personality of straight heterosexuality. This is the story of how I grew into my homosexuality over time.

When I was in my early twenties, homophobia at that time was rampant and firmly entrenched in my mind.

What made me horny was really just my own genitalia. Nudity and fondling my cock and balls was my turn-on, the pathway to that wonderful, hormone-driven, existential pleasure that Mother Nature gives men in her organic plan to ensure reproduction of the species.

Nature’s subtle idea was that I would find a partner who could provide these delights and raise the inevitable offspring to maturity and this I did loyally and enthusiastically.

But I am getting ahead of myself.

Unfortunately for me, my sexual pleasure emerged well ahead of the ability to form relationships with girls.

Dave and I were best friends since grade school and hung together pretty regularly right through our teenage years. Both of us were somewhat nerdy, but we enjoyed doing things together, starting with model railroading right up to working on cars and riding motorcycles.

We thought of ourselves as kind of macho, but girls were still a frightening mystery to us. As late teenage boys will do, we got horny and enjoyed masturbating. Not together, mind you, that would be ‘gay’, but we knew each other well enough to make jokes about it. We would even exchange porno magazines to jerk off to and even ogle the luscious women together sometimes.

One day, I came across a magazine from Europe that somehow escaped the censors of the day (late sixties), which showed photos of a woman sucking an erect male cock. I was so turned on by this image that I had to jerk off immediately. I had never seen anything like this before. This was new, wicked, forbidden, and probably illegal back then. It was a whole different level of eroticism. From then on, the idea of fellatio became part of my erotic fantasies.

I showed it to Dave, and he was even more mesmerized than I was. I think he even started to get hard as we sat together leafing through the magazine. There were other sex scenes depicted, but we kept returning to the erotic image of a cock being sucked by a willing mouth. I could sense a charge in the atmosphere between us.

“Wow, I’ve never seen a cock sucked before, that’s amazing, I said, but Dave didn’t answer; he just stared at the photos.

He asked if he could borrow it. I knew he wanted to jerk off to it of course, as I had, but the intensity of his interest struck me as unusual. So I teased him a bit, asking him if he liked looking at cocksucking.

“Alright, yeah, it’s horny,” he admitted and asked again if he could borrow it. I reluctantly agreed, but said that I wanted it back soon because I too wanted to masturbate to it. I ventured a thought about what it might be like for the woman in the photos to have a hard cock in her mouth.

“I bet you’d like to find out, eh?” Dave quipped. We both got embarrassed and laughed it off, but we had crossed a threshold that we weren’t aware of yet.

After that, Dave started to tease me endlessly about wanting to suck a cock. I could tell that the idea of fellatio intrigued him because he kept bringing it up. I was more interested in girls and women with big tits at that time, so I was somewhat indifferent, but Dave kept making allusions about how I was a ‘homosexual’ and my knees had callouses and so on. I just endured it.

We played word games about sex. Instead of saying hello, we would ask, “How’re they hanging?” The response would be, “Low and loose and full of juice.” Dave always added, “Just the way you like them,” looking at me with a devilish smile. I just laughed it off, chalking it up to our usual camaraderie.

But then our relationship evolved a couple of months later when my aunt and uncle invited me visit them and to see the World Fair in Montreal. They suggested that I bring a friend.

Dave and I landed at their place in a spare bedroom with two single beds, into which we usually collapsed gratefully after touring through the exhibits all day at the fair. We were both eighteen-year-old virgins and still somewhat embarrassed to be seen naked, so I was in my underwear and Dave wore a full set of pyjamas. I usually slept nude but I was modest and figured that Dave didn't want to see my package because it was too ‘gay.’

Well, was I wrong!

The third night, we were both settled in our beds but the overhead light was still on and when I turned off the small bedside lamp and said goodnight, the room was still brightly lit. Dave told me to get up and go over to the door and flick the switch.

I suggested that he should do it since he was the last one into bed. We argued back and forth until he shocked me by saying, “If you get the light, I’ll suck you off.”

I couldn’t believe my ears and assumed he was kidding, so I just played along and said, “Ok, but will you swallow?” thinking this was all part of our usual repartee.

Not to be outdone by this banter, Dave replied, “Of course, spitters are quitters.” He had a strangely sly look on his face as he said this, which unexpectedly gave me a thrill of desire. My body was suddenly on alert.

“Well, that sounds like a good deal,” I said. I rose to the challenge, thinking I would put an end to this rather daring game by making him back away. I pulled back the covers and stood up but suddenly realized that my cock was starting to push on my underwear.

I turned on the bedside lamp and walked over to the door and stood by the switch. By then, I was becoming aroused by being almost naked in front of Dave and by his provocative offer. I wasn’t actually sure what he really meant.

The light in the room was still bright, so I decided to call his bluff. I dropped my underwear, stepped out of it and turned around, my almost erect member swinging side to side, giving Dave the full-frontal. This act of exhibitionism was extremely exciting and my cock started to rise to full mast.

Neither of us spoke; we just stared at each other. Then I saw that Dave was looking at my cock, not my eyes.

I was ready for him to renege and say, “Get outa here! I’m not sucking your cock! I was kidding!”

But he said nothing. The silence persisted. Dave just kept looking at me.

I flicked off the switch and slowly moved forward until I was at Dave’s bedside. Still no reaction. I could see his face lit up by the warm glow of the bedside lamp. He finally looked up at me and then back at my cock and nervously licked his lips, his mouth slightly open. I realized that this was a unique opportunity for us and maybe what Dave had always wanted. And to my surprise, I was also more than willing.

Dave was half sitting up in bed with his face at the same level as my genitals. I slid under him with my back to the headboard, sliding my left leg past his arm so that I had both legs on either side of him, capturing him in a way. Dave let me pass, then turned to face my open legs. He looked up at me, then down to my rigid organ.

He lowered himself to his elbows and took my cock in his mouth.

I was feeling so much tension up to this point that when I felt his lips on my shaft, I jerked involuntarily and moaned, “Oh shit, Dave, that feels so good!” We had crossed a barrier. I couldn’t believe it. Dave was actually sucking my cock!

So I decided I would lie back and enjoy it.

Dave must have felt the same threshold being passed as he started sucking me with enthusiasm, fondling my balls and jerking me rhythmically. I couldn’t resist very long and as my internal muscles deep inside my pelvis prepared to contract and shoot my hot semen, I moaned, “Ohh! Shit, Dave, you’re making me cum. Ohh! Yes! Suck me off! Aaahh god! Don’t stop.”

As he sucked, I felt a surprising need to feed the fire and in a burst of confessed desire and breathing hard, I said, “You know, I have always wanted to suck your cock. Oh god, keep doing that!”

Dave stopped and looked up at me. “Really? Do you mean that?” I had to admit that I wasn’t at all sure if I meant it, but my cock was in charge. So I stopped thinking and did what seemed natural.

“Let me take a turn,” I said and reached under Dave’s elastic pyjama waistband and felt his erection slide into my palm. I leaned forward, pushed his pyjamas down to his knees and quickly took his cock in my mouth and circled his loose scrotum with my hand.

“Oh my god, I’ve wondered what this would be like,” I heard myself admit. I didn’t care at this point what Dave might think of me.

Dave moaned softly and reached for my straining member between my legs. We stroked and sucked and fondled each other for what seemed a long time, but was maybe a couple of minutes. Finally, I sat back and we both looked at each other and we knew without speaking what was next. “Do you want to cum in my mouth?” said Dave, his cheeks and chest starting to redden with desire.

“Yes, you can cum in mine next time.” I couldn’t believe I could say that. I might have been carried away by the charged atmosphere, or was it an admission of my lust for sexual union with another man? Or was I a homosexual?

I put those thoughts aside.

“Oh god! I’m so close to cumming! Take me before I make a mess,” I begged.

Dave took my aching, rock-hard member in his mouth with genuine enthusiasm and I could feel my orgasm rising up higher and higher and then even higher than I had ever experienced. A small part of me was curious about what was happening to my body but most of me was moaning at top volume, almost shouting with pleasure. My head went back and my hips lifted as I ejaculated once, and again, and then a third spurt into Dave’s warm mouth.

I kept looking at the ceiling and I could feel Dave’s lips and tongue still sucking on my now tender organ. My moans diminished to soft, quiet groans of, “Ohhh, ohhh, god!”

Dave slowly withdrew, his lips closing over my glans to capture the last drop of cum. I looked down and he was grinning up at me.

“That was pretty cool, eh? Did you like that?” he said. There was no sign of my cum anywhere; he had obviously swallowed it all and seemed quite pleased with himself.

He sat up beside me and said, “I guess we’re homosexuals now, eh?” I wasn’t sure I agreed with him but I didn’t say anything. I was feeling too good. Then I remembered how I had confessed to wanting to suck him off. That thought drifted in my mind until Dave brought me back to earth.

“Do you feel like helping me with this?” Dave was sitting beside me, gently stroking his 7-inch cock. I looked down and saw that his slit was oozing a drop of pre-cum.

I definitely didn’t feel like helping him. I was somewhere else, my body still tingling, my breathing just returning to normal. But I noticed that my erection had not fully subsided. My cock was still full of blood and lay on my thigh like a soft sausage. I wondered if my body wanted more, even if my mind was freaking out at this homosexual event which had happened so unexpectedly.

I took my cock in my hand and it still felt good! It wanted to be touched!

It dawned on me that I wasn’t actually feeling the usual letdown and dismay and even regret that accompanied my masturbation sessions. I was still in a major sexual event, in the same bed as Dave, our bodies touching. I realized I was feeling afterglow.

What a relief! And I wanted it to last.

So I took Dave’s rigid cock and squeezed it gently, slowly stroking up and down, feeling more in charge now. As I squeezed the head, more pre-cum oozed out. I had always enjoyed the taste of my own pre-cum while masturbating, so out of curiosity, I thought I would try Dave’s juicy effluent. I bent down and licked his purple slit and the clear liquid was just like mine, same viscosity, same salty taste. It reminded me of that feeling of submission that I sometimes imagined when masturbating, of taking another man’s fluid in my mouth.

Since my mouth was right at Dave’s cock I figured what the hell and slipped my lips over and down his rigid meat. I wasn’t as horny as before, so sucking him was strangely ordinary, but Dave moaned in appreciation and I knew that I really should make him cum if only to show gratitude to him for those most intense sexual feelings.

And also to keep this shared sexual intimacy alive.

In some of my masturbation fantasies, I had tried to eat my own semen but couldn’t do it after ejaculation; it tasted vile. One time, I had saved some ejaculate by freezing it in the fridge, then thawing it in warm water for the next time. I really enjoyed swirling it in my mouth, then swallowing just as I came. It was really a turn-on to imagine that I had sucked a cock to completion.

So I knew Dave’s load would be difficult to taste, let alone swallow, but I decided to make the effort. I hoped it wouldn’t be too bad even if I weren’t as aroused.

Then I realized that my best friend had sucked me off! What was ‘normal’ about that?

Another thought entered: what would it be like to have another man’s sperm in my mouth!

I reached for my cock and found it was swelling. It still felt alive and I was getting a little bit horny.

I continued my up and down sucking feeling a sense of subservience, of abandonment of ego. And a feeling of delight, even, in performing this forbidden yet somehow sacred worship of the essential sexual drive of all men: to empty their balls of their highest juices from deep inside the body into the outside world. Yes, I knew this was a good thing to do.

It didn’t take long for Dave to tense up and start breathing in gasps. I could sense the tension building up in both of us as we knew what was coming. Then everything stopped for a brief second. Dave’s whole body seemed to spasm and the air in his lungs rushed out as his warm juice spurted into my mouth. I could feel his genital muscles pulse from his anus to the tip of his cock with each stream. Three big ropes of warm goo, then a bit of slow oozing. The pool of cum slid off my tongue and mixed with my saliva.

And it tasted like sex. I easily swallowed it down. I wanted Dave’s bodily fluids inside of me. All I could hear was the heavy breathing of the man I had just sucked off.

Dave didn’t say anything. We lay back together on the bed, our bodies touching, a whole new world ahead of us.

But remember this was the late sixties and homophobia was the norm. In fact, what Dave and I had done was illegal until shortly after this time. So I was genuinely conflicted, feeling good and feeling that I shouldn’t feel good.

After a while, I got up and climbed back into my own bed. I slept like a log.

When we got home, we didn’t see each other for a couple of days. I was processing my guilt about the ‘dirty’ thing we had done, but it reminded me of my occasional sexual fantasies of cock sucking and my dismay at how ‘perverted’ I felt slowly turned into a pleasurable memory. I started to think about masturbating again very quickly.

This was the first time I had been sucked off and I wanted more. And significantly, although I didn’t realize it at the time, I now knew what it was like to have another man cum in my mouth. I thought of what might happen the next time I saw Dave with an anticipation that had curiously displaced all my doubts and regrets.

All these things happened before I turned nineteen. I was starting my journey into homosexuality.