"Res firma mitescere nescit"

"Once you've got it up, keep it up."

For Michael, at seventy-five years old, it was easier said than done.

That's where the "Wankerator 6000" came in.

When the plain wrapped package arrived on his doorstep, Michael couldn't wait to take it out for a test drive.

Wiping it down with a damp cloth and adding a fresh set of AA batteries, Michael admired the sleek design and realistically colored pink lining of his newly purchased male masturbation machine. He stripped naked, logged in to his PornHub account, and clicked on his "Saved Videos" folder.

Who would be his first partner? There was Allie, the hot blonde who loved a double facial cum bath after getting slammed DP. Or maybe Esmerelda, the brunette MILF who always wanted it in the ass.

No, wait! Michael decided it had to be Fiona, the cute redhead who wanted five black cocks filling every hole at once. Yeah, that's who he'd join in with for his first e-fuck!

Shifting his laptop to full-screen mode, Michael clicked "Play." The image of ginger and chocolate got his mind revved up in an instant. His pride and joy was another matter.

Michael poured a generous helping of his favorite pineapple-flavored lubricant into the Wankerator 6000 and placed his long-dead appendage inside the "lifelike silicone lips".

It was like trying to stuff a marshmallow into a piggy bank, but through sheer will and determination, Michael managed it.

Turning his attention back to the redhead and her friends, he hit the Wankerator's start button.

VROOOM!

The device began swirling around his flaccid twinkie and thrusting up and down. Even at its lowest setting, Michael had to hang on with both hands to keep the beast at bay.

As the Wankerator's "advanced suction feature" began to work its magic, Michael couldn't believe what he was feeling. Suddenly, for the first time in many years, "Little Mikey" was transforming into "Big Mike!" Michael felt the years slipping back! He was fifty-five again!!

Just as the redhead in the PornHub video was taking her fifth load of hot cum on her face, Michael made HIS contribution via the Wankerator!

Sitting back with the most satisfying afterglow he'd felt since the Clinton Administration, Michael knew it was the best $89 investment he'd ever made.

He removed the silicone insert from the Wankerator and carefully cleaned it with warm, soapy water and a lint-free towel. Lovingly storing it back in its box, Michael knew he'd be using it again as soon as his long-neglected testicles were ready to shoulder the load.

Five days later, the time to cum had come.

It felt like a good day for a field trip to Michael's favorite mall. It was the middle of July, and he knew the mall would be overrun with hot teenage girls and young MILFs wearing their sexy little sundresses and short-shorts.

Packing up the Wankerator 6000 in his fanny pack, Michael set out. He chose his favorite seat in the food court; the one where the morning sun would backlight those pretty dresses and give him a full view of what lay beneath.

Starbucks was busy that morning, and the long line of caramel macchiato-seeking honeys gave Michael all the inspiration he needed. Of course, no one suspected a thing, since without the Wankerator, he looked for all the world like a kindly old grandfather whiling away a summer's day.

As he slipped stealthily into the food court men's room, Michael lovingly removed his beloved device from his fanny pack. Choosing the largest handicap stall for its extra room, Michael felt his manhood beginning to rise. Well, not actually rise, but try to rise.

Once again, lubricant met silicone, and marshmallow met piggy bank.

VROOOM!

The advanced suction feature began working its magic! The swirling, thrusting, pumping action, along with thoughts of those beautiful, overly caffeinated ladies, sent Michael into an erotic frenzy.

He raised the Wankerator's power level up a notch. Waves of carnal pleasure washed over his entire body.

Visions of Fiona, the PornHub redhead in a threesome with Esmerelda and Allie drove him even further over the edge. Michael felt his heart racing as he turned up the power again.

He hadn't noticed before just how much noise the Wankerator 6000's powerful turbines and vacuums generated, but NOISE BE DAMNED!! Michael turned up his salvation machine to full power!

He was careening closer and closer to his goal. Suddenly, the vibrations and suction sent him over the edge! Michael felt himself being enveloped by a blinding whiteness. He could see all of those beautiful girls, bathed in the backlight of the brilliant white light. They were beckoning him!

"YESSS!" Michael screamed! "I'M COMING! I'M COMING!" and he shot out a heavenly load.

--------------------------------------

"CLEAR!!"

ZAP!!

The defibrillator shot a jolt of electricity into Michael's chest.

"NO PULSE! TRY AGAIN!!"

ZAP!!

"Okay, I've got a pulse!" said one of the paramedics. Let's get some oxygen going."

Michael opened his eyes hazily. Seeing the paramedics, he mumbled, "You're not Fiona!"

"Take it easy old timer," the lead paramedic told him. "We're gonna get you to the hospital. Let me just get this thing off of you."

As he reached in, Michael grabbed his beloved Wankerator and refused to let go. The paramedic was all too happy to let him keep it. Even with a mask and sanitary gloves, he had no desire to touch it.

As the siren wailed, Michael drifted in and out of consciousness in the back of the ambulance. But when the paramedic looked away for a moment, using what little strength he had left, Michael attempted to restart the Wankerator.

"NO!!" shouted the paramedic.

He grabbed away the device, but it was too late.

"I'M READY FIONA!! TAKE ME, ESMERELDA!!"

Those were the last words Michael uttered in this world. He flatlined. The paramedics pronounced him dead in the ambulance.

Michael's eyes stared blankly at the heavens and there was a satisfied smile etched on his face for all eternity.

"I guess if you're gonna check out, this is as good a way as any to go," the lead paramedic observed. "Happy trails, old timer."

Thanks to his heavenly Wankerator 6000, and no longer burdened with a care in the world, Michael was well on his way to Kingdom Cum.