I never go out anymore. I’m a mom. A wife. Working and drowning in full-time nursing school. Somewhere between everyone needing something from me, El stopped existing. Aka El, who?

So naturally, when my eternally hot, eternally child-free long-lost bestie Mari breezes into town with her narrow hips and perfect boobs fully upright, I start negotiating my release papers with my husband immediately.

I practically have to sell my soul, but he finally agrees to four full hours of uninterrupted alone time with Mari, all after sunset!!

There is only one place to go, the club. The place is packed, a sea of humans, one person on top of another, all moving to the music.

But suddenly there is only one. I see him as soon as we walk in the door.

Goddammit.

He notices me, too. That infectious grin spreads quickly across his face as he turns to face me on his barstool.

Mari picks up on it immediately, a huge toothy smile. “El, I know that look,” she purrs in my ear. She turns around, bounces to the music, and disappears into the crowd, only to be instantly surrounded by men and women clamoring for her attention.

It makes me smile. God, I miss her so much. I almost forget about the man at the bar momentarily until I see him stand up.

This man. This impossibly gorgeous man, whom I have been recklessly flirting with at the college. What I have managed to keep wrapped up in my fantasy world is suddenly here and very, very real.

The bass pulses through my chest like a heartbeat as he steps closer, crowding me until there’s nowhere left to move except into him. I stare up, holding my breath.

Fuck.

My eyes flutter shut when his hands settle at the small of my back, fingers spreading wide like he’s claiming the space there. He pulls me flush against him, my breath catches, and heat fills my veins.

“Baby,” he murmurs against my ear, voice rough enough to make my knees weak, “just breathe.”

The way he moves with the music is slow and dangerous, all control and temptation. I sway with him instinctively, caught somewhere between wanting to pull away and wanting him impossibly closer.

When I look up, his stare steals the air from my lungs. This isn’t flirting anymore. It’s hunger disguised as eye contact.

His hand trails down my arm, slow enough to give me goosebumps, before his fingers hook with mine, and he turns me in front of him. My back brushes his chest, and I glance over my shoulder just in time to catch the way his eyes drag over me.

My hands drift up his chest, feeling the hard lines beneath my fingertips, and his eyes darken instantly.

God. That look.

Not casual. Not polite.

Like he’s imagining exactly what I’d sound like if we were alone.

“You weren’t expecting me, were you?” he says, his voice low, a wicked grin tugging at the corners of his lips.

I slowly shake my head no.

“You won’t be expecting what comes next either.” His words and the way he says them send shivers down my spine.

I catch Mari out of the corner of my eye, and she mouths, Go for it! I laugh a little. She’s either the best or worst influence. I’ll have to decide afterward.

His fingers on my jaw bring my attention back to him, and he moves quickly, kissing me. I hesitate, but my body overrules my mind, and I melt into it.

I pull back, dazed, and after a moment, I find his gaze. “I’m sorry,” I breathe, shaking my head slightly, looking down, and holding up the ring on my finger.

He gives a short laugh. “I’m well aware. If you weren’t, I’d have already had you screaming my name and begging for more.”

“Wow, you’re not cocky at all.” I roll my eyes, and his grin returns.

“Come here,” he whispers loudly in my ear. Taking my hand, he weaves through the crowd and makes his way toward the stage where the DJ is mixing, giant speakers towering on either side.

People occupy nearly every inch of the space, bodies packed shoulder to shoulder beneath the flashing lights, but he slips unnoticed into the narrow pocket behind one of the speakers. Hidden in the shadows and vibrating with the bass. The thought of someone seeing us is making my chest ache.

With practiced ease, he turns me, my back to his chest, his mouth hot on my neck, his hands moving low. My eyes close heavily as my head falls back against him. His fingers tease the hem of my miniskirt.

My pulse drums loudly in my ears as his fingers find their way into my panties. My eyes snap open as I try to pull air into my lungs, but there doesn’t appear to be any left in this hot, crowded bar.

“Relax, baby, you’re safe. No one’s watching. It’s only you and me.” His deep voice in my ear instantly smooths over every frayed nerve.

And just like that, the club fades away. The music dulls, the crowd dissolves, even the dust drifting through the colored lights seems frozen in place as his fingertips move lower with no more resistance from me.

“Grey,” he whispers as he slips two fingers inside me, making me gasp and flood him with my heat. “You like that, don’t you, baby?”

“Yes,” I murmur.

His other hand quickly finds my neck, his fingers wrapping gently but firmly around my throat. “Yes, Grey.” He says, his tone is grounded and demanding.

“Yes, Grey,” I squeal breathlessly as his intensity between my legs increases.

Jesus, I can’t catch my breath or put a single thought together. I can feel his excitement, hard and imposing against my waist, and I reach behind me, wrapping my fingers around it as he squeezes my throat a little tighter, his tongue in my ear.

I can’t control myself any longer; every single nerve in my body converges low, and several small waves of pleasure overwhelm me as I push back into him while he keeps moving with maddening confidence.

Then I completely cave and shudder hard beneath his fingers, failing to keep quiet as I scream his name, begging him to move faster, harder. My body trembles and quivers as I struggle to slow my pulse and catch my breath.

His grip eases on my neck. Sliding his hand from my panties, his fingers trail up my side as he turns me slowly back to face him. I feel dizzy as he pushes them into my mouth. I gently wrap my tongue around each finger, closing my lips around them.

His forehead rests against mine for a second, both of us catching our breath in the blur of lights and bass.

“Jesus, girl,” he mutters, eyes falling shut for a beat.

Then he folds me against his chest, swaying with me softly.

I can still feel his excitement pulsing against me. I loosen his belt, and he pushes back a little, cocking his head slightly. The crowd pushes in around us, but the speaker is still providing a slight buffer. I  work with precision until I have him in the palm of my hand, my eyes never leaving his.

He inhales sharply. “That right there,” he says lowly, “is going to ruin me.”

I slide my panties to the side and adjust myself, lifting one leg to his hip as I guide him in.

With one hand on my thigh, holding my leg up and firmly in place, and the other on my waist, he steadies me. My hands wrap around his neck, helping me lift slightly and slide up and back down in rhythm with him.

The world narrows to him. The lights, the crowd, the noise all blur together until all I can feel is the heat of his hands and the way my body keeps betraying me for him.

His grip intensifies, his breath quickens.

“Oh God, fuckkkk,” he moans loudly as I feel his release, hot and deep inside me. The sensation nearly undoes me again. My body stills and relaxes into his arms.

After a few moments, he kisses me gently on the lips, smiling down at me as we both move to readjust ourselves and clothing.

He scoffs, smiling. “I don’t even know your name.”

“El,” I say, as if remembering for the first time in years.

“Well, El, that was fucking hot. Better than I could’ve imagined,” he whispers loudly in my ear. “I gotta go,” he says, backing up. He points to the ring on his finger and shrugs.

I narrow my eyes. How did I not notice that?

He moves back against me, pulling me into a tight hug. “See you at school, baby.” He pauses, then starts moving away. “I told you I’d have you screaming my name.” He raises his eyebrows up and down, a wide, wicked grin on his face as he winks and walks away.

Mari slams into the back of me as I watch him walk out the door, shaking me hard.

“That was fucking hot,” Mari squeals, pulling at my hands and taking me further into the crowd. We dance for hours, my mind on nothing but the music, Mari, and what just occurred on this dance floor.

I think the hardest part was realizing two things could exist at once. Love and loneliness. Loyalty and longing.