There’s nothing better than an ice-cold mug of good beer, except maybe a pitcher and a full pretzel bowl. Here’s my story, and I don’t give a flying fuck if you believe me or not. An angel fucked me, and I fucked him right back. You might-a seen us going at it if you looked up, ‘cause sometimes we were a-swoopin’ pretty close to the ground.

No, Dan didn’t see nothing. He was in the house watching porn. I told him to be a man and get on the roof to fix the TV antenna. He said he was afraid of heights, but I knew he was just being lazy ‘cause he’s a lazy fucker and a lazy fuck, too.

I’d have kicked him out a long time ago, but his cock, well, you all seen it the other night before the sheriff took him away.

After a six-pack and a shower, I’m ready for you-know-what, even when he says he’s too tired, and I have to do all the work. I don’t know how he does it, but I can squirm on that big ol’ thing of his as long as I want. He’s only good for once a night, but when he’s good, he’s good until I say so. Usually, I take his load in the puss kinda like a reward, you know, for the both of us, ‘cause it’s like an out-of-control fire hose in there.

Sometimes, I’ll be bad and hop off at the last second and aim it at his face. He don’t like that much ‘cause sometimes it can get that far. Tough titties, I say.

Yeah, yeah, the angel—I’m getting to that.

That morning, I fixed me and Dan breakfast: eggs, with diced pepperoni for him (don’t get me started) and mushrooms for me. The way to a man’s heart might be through his stomach, but that didn’t get him off his ass, so I was the one who had to get out the ladder.

There was a slight breeze out, and my wind chimes were tinkling nicely. Now, I’m not one of those kinds of wind chime ladies. I only got the one set. Clara down the street from me? She’s got her a shit ton of ‘em. I’d hate to live next door to that racket. But mine were especially sing-songy that day, and I kinda zoned out for a while, watchin’ ‘em.

I put my tools in a plastic bag and got up on the roof. The ladder only took me so far, so I had to zigzag my way up and over and up to the second story, where the antenna was. Sure enough, the wind had twisted it away from where it shoulda been pointing.

Here’s when things got weird. The chalk “X” that marked where to aim the antenna had faded, but I didn’t need it ‘cause I knew where to point it. I could feel the TV signal in my head like I was some kind of TV compass, and I could see a big “X” made of clouds off in the distance.

You’d think that I shoulda been afraid, but I was not, and soon, I knew it was all because of the angel.

Normally, I’m as sure-footed as a mountain goat, but I slipped. I slipped and fell, but I did not fall to the ground because the angel caught me before I knew it. He stood me back up at the very tippy-top of my roof and hugged me with his feathery wings.

He took a step back and grasped my shoulders, and then he said unto me, “How ya doin’?”

Well, I had damn near died, and Dan wouldn’t have found me for a couple of days because, well, porn, but I was strangely at peace and didn’t care about what a stupid question it was. “I’m good, thanks, considering.” I didn’t know if I shoulda curtsied, so I didn’t. “How ‘bout you?”

“I’m good, too.”

Let me tell you—he wasn’t just good. He was fine. If a man can be pretty, this man was pretty. He was virile and masculine, too; don’t get me wrong. Maybe it was that his eyelashes were so friggin’ long, like store-bought long.

Where should I start? Besides the big wings and the halo, he had really long, wavy, jet-black hair. His eyes were the color of the sky, and I mean exactly the color of the sky, even when the blue of the sky changed.

He had a perfectly groomed stubbly beard, but below that, there wasn’t a hair on him: not his arms, not his chest, not his legs. Nada. He was practically yummily naked except for a long loincloth that I think was made from the same material as my sheer curtains. It even had a pretty design sewn in, like paisley or something. I couldn’t exactly see his cock, but I saw enough to know that his loincloth was tailor-fit, for sure.

As for the rest of his body, well, grrr! I have two words for you: Beef. Cake. He was all lean muscle, like an eighteen-year-old quarterback.

“Like what you see, Birdie?” he asked.

That’s right. He knew my name! “How do you know my name?” I asked.

“I know everything about you, Birdie. I’m your guardian angel.”

You could have knocked me over with the same breeze that made my wind chimes jangle. I said, “For real?” And that’s when I noticed that his feet weren’t touching the roof. He was just hanging there. And then I said it again, I said, “For real?”

He took my hands in his and smiled a heavenly smile. “For sure, for real.”

I told myself to stop acting like a schoolgirl hanging around the janitor. “Yeah, I do. I like what I see a lot.” He seemed to like that, so I got bold and said, “I’d spread my legs for you in a heartbeat, and wider than those wings of yours. We could fuck right now, if you want.”

He took me in his arms and kissed me, right then and there. I’d never swooned before, but that kiss made me swoon. His lips were soft like a girl’s, not that I knew what a girl’s lips were like. Forget I said that part. And it was like his tongue knew where my tongue was headed before it did. And his breath was like a bowl of Lucky Charms.

Since we were going to do it, I figured I should find out his name. I imagined it would be something biblical.

“I am…Bruce.”

I told him it was a fine name, but it wasn’t, not really. Then I suggested that we sneak in the back door so Dan wouldn’t catch us.

“Oh, Birdie, Birdie, Birdie,” he said. He wasn’t being mean, but I still got the feeling I said something stupid. “Angels don’t fuck on beds.”

“They don’t?” I was confused but relieved because it had been a while since I last washed the sheets.

He lifted an arm up over our heads. “Angels fuck up there.” He paused for a second, looking all serious with those charming eyes of his, and said, “In the sky!”

I was glad he finished his sentence, because for a second there I thought he meant we’d be doin’ it in a tree. “But how?”

My angel flapped his great wings once, and he lifted himself up so that his crotch was right in front of my face. “How about you get me started?” I pulled the curtain aside. Hung like an angel, ain’t an expression I ever heard, but it should be. I almost blasphemed. He was blaspheme big!

I grabbed him by the base, and I needed my other hand, too, to lift it up. I have a funny thing I do when I give a guy a blow job. I literally blow on it.

Yeah, I see all you guys nodding. It’s a cute bit, right? And then the wind chimes tinkled again when I did it. I kissed the tip, and right before I was going to put his big ol’ cock in my mouth, the little slit and the end smiled at me. It did! Then it grew lips and blew me a kiss, and little tiny hearts popped around it.

Awww…

Angels, I imagined, and especially angels as gorgeous as this one probably get a lot of blow jobs, so I was bound and determined to give him the best blow job he ever had. I stuffed the whole thing in my mouth from cheek to cheek, and I shook my head real fast like a dog with a chew toy. That’s another cute thing I like to do.

This cock tasted as good as it looked. It was even better than a clean cock in the shower. It was kinda sweet-tasting, and I had to smack my lips around it and lick it a while before it came to me that his cock, honest-to-heaven, tasted like honey. “Do you know what your cock tastes like?” I asked him.

I gave his cock a love-tug and licked the tiny bead from the tip, and that bead was as sweet as hummingbird water, which was kind of appropriate, seeing as how he was still hovering in the air and telling me how good I was at giving hummers.

“Ooo, Birdie. Yeah, Birdie. That’s it, Birdie.” Then he laid his hand on my head. Those wind chimes tinkled again, his halo glowed, and my throat, I swear, my throat opened up like magically super open, and he jammed that monster past my lungs. “Breathe through your nose,” he told me.

Breathing through my nose worked, and I didn’t gag at all. Angels are wise like that.

Well, his cock swelled up so much that it pushed my cheeks out, and before I knew it, my belly was filled with—are you ready—sweet tea! Even my burps tasted like sweet tea. He said I had cute, girly burps, and I do. You’ve all heard them.

That’s one angel who was confident in his masculinity, because he hovered down and kissed me, and he didn’t care at all about all of the leftover cum. There was no way I was gonna let him fly away before he gave me a good fucking, so I grabbed his cock to get him hard again. Only, he wasn’t soft, like, at all. If anything, it was harder.

“Ready for some sky fucking?” he asked. I sure was and started to strip. “Allow me,” he said like a real gentleman angel. His halo glowed, and the wind chimes tinkled and, all of a sudden, I was practically naked except for a see-through loincloth just like his, only mine was a pleated, mini loincloth, with plaid-patterned stitching.

Get this: my legs and pits were miraculously shaved, and closer than a new razor could do. My pussy was, too, and I had a perfect landing strip down there. I know, right?

Do you want to know what the angel said then? He said, “Nice tits.” One of God’s messengers to us here on Earth said I had a nice rack. I felt blessed.

“What kind of wings do you want?”

Wings! Never in my life had I thought about getting wings. My angel told me to take my time, but screw that. “Gossamer wings!” I had no idea what a gossamer was, but poets are always writing about them. They were there on my back before I blinked, and I flapped them a few times like I always had them.

I had to twist around to see them, but they were so delicate and colorful like springtime watercolor pastels. “They’re wonderful!” I said and kissed him all over his face.

“One more thing,” he said, and my hair piled itself up, held in place with ribbons and a fucking tiara! I was every girl’s dream: a fucking fairy princess slutty schoolgirl angel! “Fly your ass up here and let me taste that pussy,” he demanded.

Normally, I’d tell a guy to fuck off if he got bossy like that, but he was an angel, and I was a fucking fairy princess slutty schoolgirl angel, so I figured what the hell. I fluttered my butt up, and he grabbed it with the softest, strongest hands ever.

I don’t know how many tongues an angel has, but at least two of them were lovin’ on my clit. Maybe it was just one. I only ever saw one, but, my oh my oh my, that angel knew how to eat pussy. I kept flying away, out of control, and he kept pulling me back down.

Best. Cunt-licking. Ever. I was trembling all over, and thank goodness my new wings knew enough not to let me fall. I saw how big that tongue of his was when he licked my juices from around his mouth. I’ll say, “Wow,” and leave it at that.

“Now what?”

“Now this.” He didn’t look or nothing, he just flew that cock of his right into my wide-open pussy. He was about halfway in, as we hung there in the air, before I got worried if it would fit. Every nerve fired one after the other and, maybe it was angelic tongue magic or cock magic, but I had never felt so full in my life, and I think it vibrated. Maybe it was me. I don’t know, but it was amazing!

I could feel and see his cock poking inside my belly, practically up to my belly button! The lump was so big and long that I could almost squeeze it.

“Pretty impressive, huh?” he said. He flapped his great wings and carried me with him by the hook. My new wings, thank goodness, instinctively fluttered to keep up. The house got smaller and smaller, and some birds flew around us.

“Ready?” He started to thrust, and I kinda humped back. It was the strangest feeling, fucking and tumbling with nothing holding us up but the wind and our wings. That was cool enough, but then when he fucked me doggy style, we picked up speed with every thrust and zoomed like you wouldn’t believe. We out-flew the birds, and the ground raced below us.

We didn’t break the sound barrier, but we sure broke the cum barrier a few times. His cum and mine dripped down my legs, and their trails got cold on my skin as they dried. Back-to-front, front-to-front, we teased the clouds, dove close to the ground, and swooped up over the trees again.

My angel was impressed with my sky-fucking prowess and told me I was ready to really give my wings a workout. He held me close, and I held him and wrapped my legs over that tight ass of his.

We went up, straight up, still fucking all the way. The air grew cooler on my skin, but I didn’t feel cold, because we left the clouds behind and got nearer to the sun.

The air got real thin up there, and it got kinda hard to breathe. He made sure I was alright, and rolled so I was on top. I was gulping in what little air there was, and my petite wings struggled to carry my own weight. His sturdier wings carried us along, though, while I ground against him, hip-to-hip.

I was feeling light-headed, like passing out light-headed, and the only thing I could wrap my head around was the way my cunt was wrapped around my angel’s cock. I could hardly hear myself when I came and screamed, but my throat still got hoarse from it.

After that, we spiraled slowly down to where it was easier to breathe.

“Birdie,” he said. “You were my best fuck ever. I have one more adventure for you, if you want. It will be thrilling, but perilous.”

“Fuck, yeah, baby,” I said with my sexiest voice. I still hadn’t called him by his name. I just couldn’t do it. Who would name an angel that?” Then again, who names the angels?

Now that I think about it, my pussy should have been fucked raw by then, but it still felt really, really good. That’s the miracle of angel cum, I guess.

Then he wrapped his angel wings around me like a cocoon. It was snug and completely dark. I couldn’t move my wings, but by God, I could move my hips. He began to fuck me again, and I fucked him back.

“Here we go!” With those words, he tipped us upside-down, and we fucking plummeted. “Trust me,” he said and kissed me. He was right. Falling and fucking sure was exciting and not a little scary. I mean, I didn’t know if I was gonna cum or puke, but with his tongue down my throat like that, I had no choice but to cum.

“I hope we can pull up before we hit the earth,” he said.

Wait. What?

“I get distracted when I’m fucking. If I don’t cum before we get there…”

Well, I’m tellin’ you that I hadn’t fucked anyone as hard as I fucked that angel. I don’t know if we were a foot or a mile up when he jetted inside me, but the second after he did, we swooped up in the middle of the best fucking orgasm of my life.

We touched down, and he gently laid me on the ground. “You’re the best, Birdie,” he whispered as I fell asleep. I woke up, wingless and clothed, to my chiming wind chimes.

That’s my true fucked-by-an-angel story, believe it or not.

I don’t remember where I got the mushrooms. Why do you ask?