It's been since June 2014 that my wife and I had sex. I'm an early to bed, early to rise guy and she has turned into a night owl. In addition she is always taking on new projects that take up all of her free time. I've come to spend a lot of time here on lush and have become very intimate with my hand. I've brought up the lack of sex and she doesn't want to talk about it. Any advise from my fellow lushies? It's gotten to the point that I will probably sleep with the first person I have the chance to.
Oh well I'm still a virgin. But. I think you should have a serious conversation with her. Something must be wrong.
I think you need to find out why she won't even discuss it. There must be a reason, and you have a right to know what that reason is. Honestly, if she won't even talk about it with you, then your marriage has bigger problems than your lack of sex life. If she won't communicate, then ask her if she is willing to go to counseling. If she won't even do that, then there isn't much you can do to fix it and it's time to seriously consider filing for divorce.
I can identify with this completely, ny husband is the one who is no longer interested in sex, last year it was less than ten times. I tried all sorts, talking to him, asking him if he was happy with the marriage and asking if there was anything he would like to try to get things going again but he says now he's 51 he would rather relax and play his game on his phone and admitted that its laziness on his behalf. All you can do is sit her down and have a frank talk with her. Hope you get it sorted as I know full well how the situation can eat away at you.
Once again the same old story.
Been there, seen it, done it 'TWICE'.
Old age, ED, stopping hormone treatment on her part for fear of breast cancer, health have all done it to us. For 10 years!
The first 15 years we were married it was knockout sex. We had it 2-3 times a week after the first year's euphoria. We had both been divorced and the novelty of everyday sex was a blast.. Then it changed as I mentioned above.
6 months ago I decided it was time to do something. It was our 25th wedding anniversary. Masturbation for me provided an outlet as she totally divorced herself from sex. I started to woo her back. Because of arthritis neither of us can flop around on a bed any longer for all the acrobatic stuff. I have a vacuum pump and she encourages me to masturbate, but doesn't want any part of intercourse. But she will let me go down on her and she still has beautiful, big orgasms at age 78! I get a real kick out of it and usually masturbate the next day.
She will play with my cock and fondle me, give me massages, etc. She just does not have any interest in sexual play, except when the Big O hits her with my tongue in her.
Take what we can get folks. Yes, it requires patience and courting anew. But, damn, I love her. Cheating would never be the answer. If younger, divorce might have been for me but I went through that once and the pain still lingers.
Anything that's worth having takes work. That includes dimished sexual interest in marriage.
my wife decided 10 years ago she no longer cared for sex
I know age and hormones have a huge factor in things, BUT the fact that she will not even discuss the issue is a really big problem. It's not just her in this relationship and it's selfish of her to deny you without an explanation. Sex is not supposed to be what a marriage is all about, I get that...but the lack of it is a big deal...get to the bottom of her issue/s and don't stop until you find out, she owes you at least that much...then you can decide from there what your options are.
We have a number of issues, I think, that have kept the bedroom quiet for about a year (and not very noisy for a few years).
Different body clocks (she's an evening person who can sleep until 9 or 10 in the morning sometimes and I'm a morning person who is usually dozing off by 10 or 10:30 at night).
Different priorities (she enjoys sex but it isn't a big deal with her and she often has higher priorities)
Different approaches to sex (I want to focus on sex and pleasure, she tends to wander off and start reminiscing or talking about family during foreplay)
Different erotic interests (she seems happy with foreplay and intercourse occasionally spiced up by having it on the floor or something while I'd like to get a bit more adventurous; I love oral but she's not really into it; and so on)
So our marriage is at least partly sexless because I find it hard to work up much interest for sex with her anymore (for reasons above) and also because I'm rather submissive and retiring around her rather forceful personality and it's a struggle for me to try to nudge things in a new direction that might get my interest back. On top of that, health issues (on both our sides) keep rearing their ugly heads plus some family issues around our teenager.
Sometimes, marriage has so much going on that I wonder how others have the time and will to enjoy an active sex life, really.
I am in a sexless marriage first it was his choice then it was mine. I stay out of pity as I make more money and he would have no where to go
One of the big reasons I left my wife after ten years. Tired of begging and then feeling nothing while in the act. No sense in being tied down to someone who is nothing more than a roommate. Battling the same shit again with current relationship. I tell you, I know how to pick 'em...
Many of us go through this at different stages. Sometimes it can be worked out but only if both parties want to work it out. Based on your description, she doesn't seem to be interested in working with you to resolve it.
Confronted with several options (divorce, an affair, and living with it to name the primary three) my best friend gave me a piece of advice that still lives with me today. He said, "whatever you ultimately decide to do, the bottom line is that we are only given one life down here on Earth. Just one. And as we get older it seems to go by faster. You owe it to yourself to find happiness."
So I am in a semi sexless marriage and it sucks. There were several times I offered myself to him and was shot down. I detached after the 4th time...it was hurtful to me. Since then we have had a handful of encounters but I just don't feel that connection or much less anything else. Don't have that eagerness or lust or yearning feelings towards him. I feel empty inside. It's a sad and lonely feeling.
We are great friends and parents and marriage is good except for the lack of romance and passion. I need to be romanced in a serious way to brought back.
We have had discussions but he typically ends up with hurt feelings or feels uncomfortable because I am a little more open sexually than he is. I need some major changes or I will need out. I cannot live my life like this.
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Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
I've got several friends who choose to stay in a loveless/sexless marriage because they love their children and don't want to live without seeing them every day. They put the children's needs first. It's different if the parents are arguing or bickering all the time, but these friends of mine still live in the same houses and are respectful to each other. Sometimes it's not all about ourselves.
My wife and I are definitely going through a dry spell. When I try to initiate sex I am always rejected and it hurts. When I try to discuss sex she always changes the subject. We don't bicker or fight. We just co-exist. I tried to get her away on a romantic weekend and it was a bust.
I still love her but I can't live this way forever.
Good article [whomever posted it earlier in the thread].
I'm in the 'not sex-less but much less sex because of husband's medications'. Now - I've always enjoyed masturbation so I'm okay most of the time and handling it quite nicely. It helps I'm an erotica author and think about sex 24/7 [it helps me vent that sexual energy].
What concerns me whenever the topic comes up are the number of spouses that say "I tried to talk about it but my partner avoids the subject". To this - I'm always offended on behalf of that person. No one should be snubbed in a marriage, especially for something so essential to a person's overall sense of self and well being. If your partner doesn't want to even TALK to you about it - seek out therapy and INSIST that they go.
There's no excuse for a communication-less marriage. It's insulting. People's feelings DO matter.
If someone makes a valiant effort to repair the intimacy issues in their marriage and the partner still isn't even respectful about it - then perhaps they should consider whether or not the marriage is truly working.
Oh dear another depressing thread that describes my situation. Absolutely no sex or intimate contact for well over a year and now sleep in separate bedrooms. Prior to that perhaps 20 -25 times in 30 plus years of marriage. I gave up any hope a long time ago now. We get on ok and live like siblings running a business called a marriage.
There are two things wrong with being in a sexless relationship. Being sexless and being in a relationship.
That is not marriage to me. Except if there are medical reasons.
