Once up a time there lived a pirate by the name of Long John Thomas. A bloodthirsty fiend who terrorised the kingdom of Albion, he sailed the seven seas on his trusty galleon the Randy Badger. Any man who dared to take to the sea would find themselves on the end of his sword and any woman who dared to take to the sea would find herself on the end of his cock. This is the story of how Long John Thomas humped the oldest dau...