And hats off to Ping, Jaded_Buddha and CuriousAnnie - great to see a story about Sydney up there.
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PhilU
3 days ago
Straight Male
0 miles · Sydney
Forum
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by GraceW
Damn, hoist on my own petard. I have a nasty habit of assuming that because I know what is going on my reader must also know.
The protagonist in my story had me write it as she told it to me, She started by letting me hear her on the phone. I never heard the other side, so I have no idea what her boss said.
I didn't mean to do any hoisting. Maybe most others weren't confused... and, actually, confusing the reader a bit early on is fine (and certainly better than spending a few paragraphs spelling out what's going on instead of launching into it).
But I think having a first-person narrator and not being told half of a conversation would offend this person: https://medium.com/@verakurian/withholding-information-is-not-a-good-writing-technique-994caf6a0761 (Sorry all, Lush doesn't seem to like that like... people might have to cut and paste it). Although, I think the last story I managed to finish on here might too...
Quote by Liz
Write in the third person.
Sure...
He answered the irresistible beckoning of the backyard. He watched brightly colored birds there frolicking in the breeze as they fluttered toward the creek. He closed his eyes and felt the warmth of the sun. He smelled the fragrance of the clover underneath his feet, a fragrance so sweet he could almost taste it. He heard fledgling robins twittering in a nearby tree.
etc
I can write badly from any point of view. :)
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Quote by GraceW
I am telling the story in the first person. It starts with a telephone conversation, of which you, the reader/listener, can only hear one side. When I write flash I do not include extra words. You do not need to know my expression. All you need is what I said, and an indication of when he was speaking.I agree the ellipses are excessive.
I am wondering if there is a better way to do it than the method I used.
Okay, flash makes everything harder. I was just suggesting that if punctuation doesn't make it clear what's going on, then words might be needed. I don't need to know any more, but I am clearly still a little confused just reading what you've written (regardless of punctuation).
Also, one thing that is often hard with first-person is - why is the narrator, who can obviously hear the other side of the conversation, not telling us about it? We're not a distant listener; we're in her head. I can understand that you (the author) don't want to tell us both sides. But... maybe third-person would work better here?
Quote by Lauradj
Excellent thread, with some great advice. It seems to have gotten a conversation started, which is always good.
Yes, and it's good to actually have a conversation about writing... this being a story site, after all.
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by GraceW
"Prague? Are you serious? ... This had better be worth my while. ... A man? You want me to fly halfway around the world to meet a man? ... If he tries to touch me I expect you to bail me out. ... Okay. Make sure there's a driver waiting for me at the airport. ... Ah go fuck yourself. ... Yes dear, I know you will." Slam!!!
My
:I love ellipses and (over)use them quite often, but this is a bit over the top. Could you space it out a bit with some description (which makes the reader pause a bit)? And/or cut down the number of different phrases?
E.g.
"Prague? Are you serious?" Her expression turned sour as she listened. "A man? You want me to fly halfway around the world to meet a man? If he tries to touch me I expect you to bail me out." She sat stony-faced for a few seconds, then sighed. "Okay. Make sure there's a driver waiting for me at the airport... Ah go fuck yourself." She managed a wry smile. "Yes dear, I know you will." Slam!!!
Not sure if that's an improvement or not, but it's maybe something to think about.
And a big thanks to Kee for the initial post - I like first person, I write in it often and I need to watch out for excessive use of 'I'.
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Quote by curvygalore
Oops - for one happy moment I thought this was a thread about swing dancing! I like both, btw.
Right, I'll clear off now and leave this thread to more cultured folk...
So what you're saying is that you swing both ways?
Sorry, not quite sure what this word "cultured" means...
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by sprite
happy bday to the man who keeps things running, the man in the white plastic armor, the sex machine from down under, the one, the only, our resident tech monkey... GAV!
Ahem... one of the sex machines from down under. But happy birthday, Gav! Sadly, it will be a few months until it's warm enough for women to get out and about in traditional national costume again, like this:
Forum Kan-Guru
I like the WA coast too...
But there is the minor issue that it's so huge (those two photos are ~2200kms/~1400 miles apart, and still nowhere near opposite ends of the state). And a long, long way from anywhere else.
The east coast is nice too, and does (for now) still have a very nice reef.
Wait, when people said WA, they didn't mean Western Australia? Ah well, guess I get out of making a decision then...
But there is the minor issue that it's so huge (those two photos are ~2200kms/~1400 miles apart, and still nowhere near opposite ends of the state). And a long, long way from anywhere else.
The east coast is nice too, and does (for now) still have a very nice reef.
Wait, when people said WA, they didn't mean Western Australia? Ah well, guess I get out of making a decision then...
Forum Kan-Guru
I thought Americans all loved the tipping system. I learn things on this site (and they don't all involves things that can be inserted into orifices...)
I've never liked tipping - I will do it in Australia for exceptional service, but the minimum wage is around AU$19 per hour, which has dipped to be equivalent to around US$13, but can actually keep someone with one job alive. I'll tip in the US because it seems to be expected, but I hate the mad rush of people wanting to carry my bag or do whatever other task I'm happy to do myself. And the service in restaurants always seems to come across to me as desperation for tips rather than actually wanting to help (some of this is cultural - I want to be served a meal and then left alone and I hate being treated differently based on the perceived size of my wallet). And I always wonder why I'm supposed to tip someone more for carrying a Wagyu steak than a salad...
But lots of Aussies say that service would be better here if tipping was more of a thing - service staff get paid roughly the same amount whether they do their job really well or not. But, in my experience, most are happy to work as part of a team, help out customers and, you know, do their job, without hoping that some generous tippers are in so that they can make their rent payment. Kind of like most jobs, poor performers don't get kept on too long...
I've never liked tipping - I will do it in Australia for exceptional service, but the minimum wage is around AU$19 per hour, which has dipped to be equivalent to around US$13, but can actually keep someone with one job alive. I'll tip in the US because it seems to be expected, but I hate the mad rush of people wanting to carry my bag or do whatever other task I'm happy to do myself. And the service in restaurants always seems to come across to me as desperation for tips rather than actually wanting to help (some of this is cultural - I want to be served a meal and then left alone and I hate being treated differently based on the perceived size of my wallet). And I always wonder why I'm supposed to tip someone more for carrying a Wagyu steak than a salad...
But lots of Aussies say that service would be better here if tipping was more of a thing - service staff get paid roughly the same amount whether they do their job really well or not. But, in my experience, most are happy to work as part of a team, help out customers and, you know, do their job, without hoping that some generous tippers are in so that they can make their rent payment. Kind of like most jobs, poor performers don't get kept on too long...
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Quote by seeker4
Most of the time on here, we're trying to get things shorter, not longer.
I have an urge to make a joke about getting things longer, but...
What I was going to say is that there are some writers here who try to keep things short and cut out stuff that doesn't advance the plot or explain the characters, and isn't sexy or entertaining.
Then there are others who have an urge to say exactly what the characters did at every second of the day e.g. mentioning every shower or exactly how they travelled from A to B ready for the next interesting bit. And every mundane thing they said all day.
I like the first sort of writer more...
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Quote by kiteares
I'd post a link to it, but for some reason everytime I post it drops everything after the https://
You should only need one more post until you're allowed to post links (the system blocks them until the poster has 20 posts to make life a little more difficult for spammers).
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Quote by browncoffee
I actually had no idea Ribena came from GSK until I just googled it. That's interesting. Buz, it's basically a fruit cordial made from blackcurrants. You guys should try it!
Tea, please.
I guess GSK were originally trying to make a vitamin drink... although their claims about vitamin content were totally debunked by two NZ schoolgirls doing a science project (seriously): see link
Anyway, I know Big Bertha's products contain lots of caffeine (who knows what else, but I'll risk that) and it's Monday morning here, so something resembling coffee, please.
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Good evening/morning, Mr Foreskin
I've meaning to swing by this establishment for a while, but real life gets in the way sometimes. It's just as I remember it, but I suppose that can't be helped...
Anyway, yes, much to my surprise, I seem to have picked up one of them EP thingies. I was just happy to actually finish a story for a change. I've also added a few letters to my forum rank...
So, to celebrate, I'll buy a round of beers, and while I drink all of those, I guess everyone else is probably going to be coffeeing (except for those who prefer koffeeing...)
I've meaning to swing by this establishment for a while, but real life gets in the way sometimes. It's just as I remember it, but I suppose that can't be helped...
Anyway, yes, much to my surprise, I seem to have picked up one of them EP thingies. I was just happy to actually finish a story for a change. I've also added a few letters to my forum rank...
So, to celebrate, I'll buy a round of beers, and while I drink all of those, I guess everyone else is probably going to be coffeeing (except for those who prefer koffeeing...)
Forum Kan-Guru
Quote by seeker4
You're assuming they use their butt to poop. These are aliens. Maybe the waste exits by a different route.w58iBL1H1bsHc38S
You're assuming that there's waste. Maybe they've found a way to consume only what their bodies need while flying across the universe?
As for the nudity, I assume it's because many (if not all) reports are dreams and/or fantasies and people like the idea of the aliens being naked and probing their butts (seriously, if some advanced species really wanted to know more about us, wouldn't they think of a better approach than sticking stuff where the sun don't shine?) But if that's what they're into, then who am I to judge?
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Congrats to Hannah and congrats to the rest of the top 10 who really deserved to be up there (except that PhilU guy... how'd he sneak in there?). And congrats to all those who submitted great stories and could easily have been on that list... apologies to those that I haven't got to yet. It was a fun comp to participate in!
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Quote by Katherine
dearest, remember this is only for Thursdays! You're a day too early!
To be fair, it was well and truly Thursday here by the time he posted. It's not any more, but since I'm here, and it's definitely Thursday somewhere, I guess I could be talked into blowing my own trumpet...
I wouldn't say I was ever 100% happy with anything I've written (probably never will be either...), but I was fairly happy with this one:
https://www.lushstories.com/stories/threesomes/do-friends-do-that.aspx
It was written a bit over a year ago, although it's very loosely based on a story I started decades ago (and then accidentally deleted). I reckon it's possibly my best hope of ever getting a famous story (probably sometime around 2030). It's also the only time the title has been more than an after-thought (it appears exactly once in the story...)
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Quote by sprite
i've had a few published under the pen-name of George R.R. Martin
Firstly, hurry up and finish "Winds of Winter".
Secondly, could I borrow a million dollars?
Getting published seems a bit too much like hard work to me... and even if I did, i don't imagine I'll be giving up my day job any time soon...
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Motivations, like character backgrounds, are something that the author should know more about than actually goes into the story (or so I've read - do as I say, not as I do). It's good that you're thinking about them, but don't drag the story down with too much detail. And if you really don't think that the character would do what you want them to do (e.g. why is this shy virgin suddenly demanding a gangbang from 27 bikers?), then you either need some intermediate scenes (to show her journey from shy virgin to gangbang queen) or a different plot or different characters.1aLP7ZXAkZYbCaFi
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I've still got some catching up to do on these stories, but huge congratulations to those that made that list, and especially WW, TangerineSky and CURVY! Oops, sorry for shouting... just got a bit excited there.
And well done too all those who pushed themselves and managed to get a story in before the deadline... maybe next time...
And well done too all those who pushed themselves and managed to get a story in before the deadline... maybe next time...
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Quote by Kee
Arlene Prunkl does am an extremely comprehensive job of explaining the ins and outs of dialogue. This may be more than you want to know but a read through will leave even the most experienced authors with new ideas to employ in their writing.
Part 1 http://penultimateword.com/fiction/dialect-in-dialogue-how-to-write-authentic-dialect-and-foreign-accents/
Part 2 http://penultimateword.com/fiction/dialogue-in-fiction-part-2-the-essentials/
Part 3 http://penultimateword.com/editing-blogs/dialogue-in-fiction-part-iii-the-nuts-and-bolts/
Part 4 http://penultimateword.com/editing-blogs/dialogue-in-fiction-part-iv-nuts-and-bolts-contd/
Part 5 http://penultimateword.com/editing-blogs/dialogue-in-fiction-part-v-writing-your-characters-thoughts/
Thanks for that, Kee! Although I'd recommend maybe starting with Part 2 (Part 1 is quite specific and I can fairly easily dodge dialect... but from Part 2 onward is really good stuff).
Although some newbies might also want to look at:
https://www.lushstories.com/Resources/formatting-dialogue.aspx
I know I got that hopelessly wrong on my first story submission here...
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Quote by Beffer
Atticus Finch. I'd run his campaign for President. The only 100% decent man I'd trust to save this country.
He said some pretty racist things in "Go Set a Watchman" though. Might derail your campaign... or not.
As for me... maybe Hercule Poirot, because there are lots of mysteries to be neatly wrapped up, and I'm sure he'd have them all figured out (as long as it was the least likely suspect who did it...)
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Quote by fuzzy1954
swans mate for life
Usually... although they do sometimes split up when under stress. And a study found that 1 in 7 black swan cygnets are not related to their mother's "husband".
http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20141204-the-truth-about-swans
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A kangaroo hops into a bar and says, "G'day, I hear you were looking for a bouncer."
Can i grab a quick coffee? I may need to hop out again before someone suggests kangaroo steaks for dinner...
PS: Is the bar here tender? (It's awful and not improved by explanation...)
Can i grab a quick coffee? I may need to hop out again before someone suggests kangaroo steaks for dinner...
PS: Is the bar here tender? (It's awful and not improved by explanation...)
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Quote by Buz
The Rams played nervous, like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. So they got beat. I had a good time, but l'm a football purist and like watching defenses in a slobber knocker.
I saw some of the game, but didn't see you, Buz. I can't say I really understand the sport, but if there's a chance for some slobbering on knockers, then I could get interested!
Quote by CuriousAnnie
Of course if we really want to sow sporting confusion Susie and I could start a conversation about Gaelic football and Australian Rules football (AFL) which, though slightly similar, are unique to Ireland and Australia respectively and the most popular of the football codes. I dare say we can call the West Coast Eagles (out of Perth) the world champions, in the same way the the New England Patriots are now the world champions.
Please don't mention that... I'd almost managed to forget that West Coast won.
Perhaps we could just mention that Australia are world champions at International Rules (which is a strange hybrid of two quite strange games...) having beaten Ireland in the final (okay, well, technically, there were no other teams).Oh, and hi Annie. Don't think we've met
And I don't think I ever got back to reading your comp entry... 
one day... And hi everyone else... been a while between drinks here for me, so time to rectify that situation.
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Quote by nicola
Approved policy. Our story queue will dissipate and I’m sure our readers will appreciate the new shorter format.
I think you're dreaming. I've written the first 17 parts of what will probably be a 300 part epic (I've barely finished the laundry-list descriptions...) Author 100 badge here I come!
Although I'm a bit torn about where to split parts mid-sentence and confused about whether "to be continued" counts as 13% of my word count for each part?
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I rarely if ever find the time to read poetry, which is probably my loss. I'd just rather spend what spare time I find appreciating music and novels and painting. I guess if I gave poetry more time then I'd find stuff I liked and get to appreciate more of the subtleties... but yes, I was probably a bit turned off the area at school.
And, with many apologies to friends who write poetry... well, I didn't really go hunting out a sex stories site in order to read poems...
And, with many apologies to friends who write poetry... well, I didn't really go hunting out a sex stories site in order to read poems...
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Quote by cumbichance
Thanks a lot for the feedback! Maybe the queue is longer or less people available to review at this time of year. Wondering how I will be messaged i.e. through the site or via email. This is the first story I have written so excited to have it published!
You'll get a message through the site's mail message. You can set it up so that you get an email to your private email when you receive a lush mail (go to your avatar in the menu bar -> Settings -> Settings/Privacy then look for "Email Notifications").
Quote by sprite
1) how long does it take to get published? depends. if you're a gold member, the usual turn around is less than 24 hours ideally. if you're not, depends on how big the que is and what else is going on at the time. at present, it's the holidays and a lot of the mods have stuff going on with families etc, plus there's a competiton about to end, so we're green lighting all comp entries. usually, with non-members, i'm guessing the turn around time averages 3 days, give or take.
Plus, there's an awful lot of cricket to watch at this time of year...
Note that the mods are volunteers. Some (like sprite) do a lot; some... umm, somewhat less...
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Quote by seeker4
Doesn't being unaware of rugby get you exiled or something in Australia? Or are you so caught up in Aussie-rules Football that no one bothers with rugby?
A glass of vino, s'il vous plait. (that's "please" for those who don't hang out with francophones).
Rugby union (which is what we'd call what Curvy calls rugby) is mostly played at private boys schools and is probably our fourth most popular football code. My understanding of the rules is limited, which is acceptable. Saying, "I like the team in black because the haka is cool," is, on the other hand, likely grounds for deportation (so, if anyone asks, I didn't say it). But I didn't care about rugby long before recent results... honest.
And I have nothing to say about cricket...
Un caffay, sill vouse plate (I had a francophone teacher for a couple of years... he was unimpressed by my accent... )
