“Well,” I said. “I don’t know what to tell him about all that? He’s my little nephew.” 

“Not so little any more, my love,” said Maya. “He’s 18. He’s gay, he’s curious, and he’s all alone up there.” By “up there,” Maya meant Mondoniedo, in North West Spain. We live in Madrid, a good six-hour drive south. “Anyway, who knows more about anal sex and taking big cocks than you do?”

“But I can’t just tell him that stuff,” I said. “If my brother finds out, he’ll kill me!”

“So, don’t sign the letters.” Maya is so practical. That’s part of why I love her, why we’ve been a happily married bisexual couple for 10 years in April. “Make it look like a printout that Alvaro might have downloaded off the internet.”

“Well then, why wouldn’t I just email him?”

“You have to be tricky about this, Esteban, my love. Emails come with email signatures. Type it up like an article, and send it to him through the post. No return address.”

I looked at her and said, “Diablo tortuosa.” It means: “You devious devil.” Then I smiled and said, “Sometimes, the way your mind works, it scares me.”

“Good!” Maya said with a wicked smile.

She had a point. I grew up with very little shame, perhaps because I was a feral child officially raised by my abuela materna--my mother’s mother--but mostly, I was left to roam the streets of Mondoniedo and learn from my mistakes. Poor Alvaro was raised by my brother, who is a good man, but determined to be a better parent to his children than our parents had been to us. Galicia is a very conservative area--that’s why Maya and I live in Madrid, which is arguably the gayest city in all of Spain. If I couldn’t get past my embarrassment and give the boy some real-world advice, well, who would? I had to embrace my role as the young man’s mentor, his street-smart bisexual uncle. I sighed and looked at my wife. 

“You can do it,” she said. “Just be honest and matter-of-fact. He’ll appreciate that.”

Below is the first “article” I sent to young Alvaro. It turns out that to cover everything I wanted to say, I needed to write three articles: this one, on getting started with back door exploration; one on beginning penetration; and one on taking big toys and cocks. Alvaro later told me that he found the information useful. I believe the information is equally beneficial for both men and women. Maya agreed and suggested I might like to share these stories here on Lush, so enjoy! If you enjoy these stories or find the series helpful, please like, comment, and share them with anyone who might benefit from them. 

***

It’s easy to get started with anal or backdoor play. You don’t need any special tools to start exploring, and even for advanced anal play, you don’t need much. It’s something that men and women can both enjoy. It’s not about biological sex, sexual orientation, or gender identification. Whether you enjoy backdoor fun or not depends mostly on how you, as an individual, are wired, and probably to some extent at least, on how you were introduced to the practice. In terms of anal fun, the biological differences between the sexes are minor. They certainly don’t make any difference in terms of getting started. So, let’s begin with your intentions. 

You will need at least a willingness to explore, if, perhaps, you are trying backdoor sex primarily for someone else's benefit.  They want you to try it, and you are willing to give it a shot. Even better, probably much better, is a great desire, a hungry curiosity, perhaps an aching need to explore your back door.  So, before you get started, do check in with your intentions. If you don't want to try anal play, you certainly don't have to. 

I felt that aching need ever since my earliest sexual awakening. For me, even as a teenage male, things have always been throbby back there. Once I started dating, I wanted to know what my girlfriends liked about penetration, so I decided to find out--and find out I did with fingers and toys, and then in college, with other young men! Now, my wife and I both enjoy that I have three ways to climax: from penile stimulation, from anal penetration, and from prostate pressure. They are all different and wonderful and amazing and even better in combination with each other! 

Here are the basic steps to getting started with backdoor play:

1. Make sure you are alone. 

2. Make sure your bottom is clean.  

3. Start touching things.  

4. Note the areas that feel the best. 

5. Finish up. 

1. Make Sure You are Alone.

I mean, you don’t absolutely have to be alone, but if the cost of getting caught is high, if you are new to this, if you are the least bit unsure, if you have mixed feelings about that area, and especially if you are uncomfortable about touching yourself back there and turning a shipping dock into a party palace, then alone is better. When I got started, I waited until everyone was out of the house. Then, I checked that the doors were locked. Even though I knew I was alone, I still locked the bathroom door. That way I could relax.

2. Make Sure Your Bottom is Clean.

Your mileage may vary, but when I was just getting started, I was comfortable with touching every part of my body, but I still wanted to ensure that area was clean. So, how do you make sure your butt is clean? Well, poop, if you need to poop. Do the paperwork as necessary. Then use good old-fashioned soap and water. I started my back door exploration in the shower. After all, I had a perfectly good excuse for touching myself down there: “Nothing to see here, folks! Just taking a shower!” I don’t think soap belongs inside your body, but for me, it sure felt good to wash my anus really, really clean, then rinse it really, really well. I probably did that for a month. Then I started doing it in the bath and found that was just as good, maybe even better, because I could lie back and spread my legs. Cleanliness, knowing I was clean back there, and being certain I had nothing to be embarrassed about, really made anal play better for me. I suggest that if cleaning back there makes you feel uncomfortable, maybe backdoor fun isn’t for you. 

3. Start touching things. 

Once I moved out of the bathroom, my exploration became even more intentional. In the bathroom, I could pretend that washing well was just part of good hygiene, but moving into the bedroom, lying on the bed, and spreading my legs was another level. I started on my stomach, reaching back to touch my hips and buttocks. I don’t think this happens for everyone. I'm pretty sure it does not, but just touching my butt cheeks made me tingle and throb. Electric shocks went from wherever I was touching to my asshole, then up to my belly button. Is that weird? I don’t think it's weird exactly, but I’m pretty sure that most people aren’t going to get all tingly from that little bit of fun. If you do, you are a great candidate for anal sex. Maybe for you, it just feels good, like a shoulder rub. That’s okay. The purpose of exploring is to find out where you like to be touched and how. 

Maybe get started on your stomach, like I did: touch your hips, rub your bottom, slide your hand down your outer thighs, squeeze your cheeks gently, then more firmly, pull your butt cheeks apart and feel the cool air touching your anus, maybe let a fan blow on your most tender opening. Then lie on your back: rub your hands over your stomach, rub around your pubic bone, touch and squeeze your inner thighs, push hard on the front of your thighs, then spread your legs, spread your ass cheeks, pull your legs back, and touch your taint. 

In terms of back door pleasure, men have a prostate gland up underneath the taint: you know, taint quiet balls (or pussy) and taint quiet ass. It's also called the perineum. For some men, like yours truly, the prostate is very sensitive to pressure. For some men, that gland can feel pleasure just from stroking or pushing on the taint or anus. Other guys, not so much. It may even hurt to push on that area. That’s a good thing to know, if you think you might, or might not, like backdoor play. At the same time, women don’t have a prostate gland, but biologists tell me sensitive prostate-like tissue is often present in women in that same area. So, most women are not going to feel a lot of pleasure in the periumenium, but maybe your body has more prostate-like tissue there, or maybe the tissue you have is much more sensitive. The point is to play around and find out. 

Then we have the anus. You don’t even have to try, or do, anal penetration to enjoy back-door fun. To get started, it might be better if you take anal penetration off the table. Play with the feelings in your hips and thighs. See how you like to be touched on your taint and your anus. If you feel like you want to put a finger tip in, well, go ahead, but no rush. Unless you are very sure, I think you should save penetration for another day. For me, when I started touching my backdoor, I was still a little uncomfortable admitting the extent of my anal curiosity. So, I felt better touching myself while using lube. The lube was like a protective barrier. I loved the slipperiness. I loved the “safety” of the lube: I wasn’t just touching myself raw. Yes, this was a mind trick, but that’s what I felt comfortable with at that time, and I’m still okay with it. 

4. Note the Areas that Feel the Best

If you haven’t noticed, I’m suggesting that you start with outer-play or outer-course rather than trying to rush into putting fingers, toys, or cocks inside your ass. Anal penetration, inner-play, or intercourse are all wonderful, but you don’t need to jump into that. If your hips love to be touched, if squeezing your butt cheeks feels great, if feeling the air on your asshole makes you throb, I highly recommend you enjoy every bit of that. Enjoy it. Revel in it. Why not? You have time. Or maybe you only like some of that stuff. Enjoy what you enjoy. That is information you can use to play on your own, and share with your partner. I am a big fan of one or two-word communication during sex: more, harder, not there, squeeze me, yes, no, God, yes! All of that information is good. So learn what you might want to say to your lover, but maybe ease into the anal penetration. Start to run circles around your asshole, push on the outside of your hole with three fingers, two fingers, one finger. Maybe just put the fingerprint of one digit barely inside your ass, and see how that feels. Assholes are like beautiful ponies: they can be skittish and easily scared. I’ll have some suggestions for penetration in the next story, but maybe, for now, just note what feels good on the outside. 

5. Finish up.

For you, “finishing up” might mean easing off the ass play and focusing on stroking your cock or rubbing your clit. Even if you never become a real Anal Queen, don’t be surprised if touching all over down there makes your clitoral or penile orgasm more intense. It’s rare, but you may find that just pushing on your taint or the outside of your asshole is enough to bring you to climax. If so, welcome to the club! There is lots of room here, and a future full of multiple anal and prostate orgasms. Guys, if you have a prostate-focused climax, you may or may not squirt sperm. The way male plumbing works, the more you focus on your prostate or anus, the more likely it is to shut off the flow of liquid sperm. It’s almost the same with the ladies: The more you enjoy back door fun, the less you may need a regular clitoral orgasm. Or not. It’s all very subtle, connected, and mixed up down there. It is certainly fine to leave the back alone and move around front to finish things off. At the same time, I have had lots of anal play sessions that were wonderfully satisfying without a penile or anal orgasm of any sort. Some folks may find just touching back there is kind and fun, relaxing and pleasant. It's okay to just let yourself feel all glowy and warm, then drift off to sleep. I’ve enjoyed it both ways. If you find you like ass play, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it in lots of ways over the years to come. 

***

Maya finished reading, set the story down on the kitchen table, and smiled.

"Is it terrible?" I asked. "You don't have to sugar coat it for me."

"No," she said. "Es excelente! It makes me want to go into the bedroom and see how many fingers I can slide inside your back door."

"All of them," I said dismissively. "But is that what we want for my little nephew?"

"Yes," Maya said with a frown. "Isn't it? Aren't you trying to help Alvaro learn to enjoy his body and explore his sexuality?" She took my hand. "What is wrong with you, Esteban? I've never seen you hesitate or doubt your sexuality before. Not once."

I pulled away from her, crossed over to the stove, and stirred the carnitas. "I don't know," I said. "I just feel suddenly so full of doubts."

"Yes, I can see that," said Maya with a note of disdain. Then her voice softened. "Maybe showing so much of yourself makes you feel vulnerable."

"Maybe," I allowed. "I mean, yes, it's an open secret in the family that I'm bisexual and married to a beautiful, bisexual woman, but the operative word there is still 'secret.' Nobody wants to talk about it or confront it. What if my nephew blabs all about it, or reads it and judges me harshly? What if Alvaro goes totally gay, and the family blames me? What if talking openly about my experiences makes him uncomfortable, makes him doubt who he is, and pushes him back into the closet?"

Maya said, "Madre de Dios! You don't need to drown yourself in a glass of water!"

I slapped the wooden spoon against the frying pan and scowled at her. Then I nodded my head and smiled. "No," I said. "If I'm going to drown myself, it should at least be in Estrella Galicia." That's a popular beer from back home.

***

Correos, the Spanish postal service, operates yellow mailboxes throughout Spain. So, after dinner, Maya and I took a walk around the corner and mailed my letter to Alvaro.

"There!" I said.

"Don't you feel better now?" asked Maya.

"Yes, actually, I feel much better," I said. "My good deed for the day. Are you okay with this? My secret is our secret."

"No!" said Maya.

"No?" I said, gesturing at the mailbox. "It's a little late for no!"

"No," she insisted. "I still don't know, for a fact, how many fingers I can put up your ass."

"Is this strictly for research purposes?" I asked. "For the next letter?"

"Exactly!" said my beautiful bride.

I took her arm in mine. We turned and walked quickly back to our apartment.

The End