From the Log Book of HMS Ravensong
We have decided to set sail upon the morrow, satisfied that we have rescued all living survivors of the Golden Dove. We have spent the last week searching, at the insistence of Prof. W. Waites and his daughter, that one of their number still lives, lost somewhere beyond the city of serpents. With a fierce storm brewing upon the horizon, I fear that to remain would be folly. Today has been spent replenishing our supplies for the long voyage home as well as making sure the Ravensong is sea worthy. With regret, I am resigned to leave Miss Delacroix’s fate, should she still live, within God’s hands.
Captain Danial Ivers
September 29, 1827
I had been lost for days, perhaps weeks, stumbling clumsily within the maze of the caverns, bruised and naked, losing track of chronological events. Hunger and thirst wracked my delicate physiology, although I was able to sustain myself somewhat by feasting on the various fungi and pools of chilled water that I discovered in my wanderings. At first I was hesitant to partake of the toadstools and mushroom, fearing the effects, be they poisonous or merely hallucinogenic. Eventually, the choice of poisoning myself accidentally won out over a slow death by starvation. Luckily, the underground flora was either benign, or my metamorphosis had made me immune to the poisonous meat of the fungi. The other effects, however, took hold on occasion, filling my head with surreal visions and occasional madness during both waking and sleeping hours. Sometimes they were pleasant, allowing me to lose myself in a reverie of escapism. Other times, they were sexual, leaving me frustrated and longing for the touch of another being. Occasionally they were nightmarish, leaving me bathed in sweat and shaking with fear as I scrambled blindly through a myriad of divergent paths. It was a miracle I hadn’t yet wandered off the edge of one of the numerous cliffs I encountered and met my fate upon the rocks below.
“Oh, Isshu,” I lamented awaking from troubled slumbers more than once. “I am lost.”
Unlike my fevered dreams while I had been suspended in darkness, I had not grown extra appendages, or should I say, limbs. The wings that had erupted from my shoulder blades, however, were not a product of my imagination. Nor was the slow adaptation of my eyesight to see, if not perfectly, then well enough, in the total darkness beneath the surface of the island. Ah, if only I had a mirror. I pondered how they might appear. Segregated like an insect’s, would be my guess. After all, from what I could discern, my wings were identical to those of the butterflies that plagued our sanctuary upon the beach. Funny, I had thought they might be fragile, but they seemed as resilient as flesh and bone. Perhaps even more so. On the occasion that the pathway opened up to a small cavernous space, I took great delight in fluttering them slowly, the movement physically pleasing in some small way. That, and the times when the fungi prodded me into touching myself to fantasies of either Isshu or Emma, were the only times when the dark mantle of despair wasn’t hovering about my brow like a tiara.
And so, I wandered, aware that the way led deeper, sometimes alerted by a slight slope, sometimes by a natural stair that forced me to pick my way carefully over tumbled blocks of stone, leaving my knees and hands scraped and raw and me fighting for breath, dizzy and weak with exertion until finally, I could go no further.
Crying silently, the tears trickling down the filthy flesh of my sunken cheeks, I knelt at the precipice of a particularly steep stair and simply abandoned all hope. Stubborn though I had been, I’d always known the truth; that I would die, perhaps not forgotten, but lost and alone. I had finally reached the end of my rope, as my American Friend, Gavin, would say. I managed a sad smile, dredging up an image of his face, as well as my fellow castaways, my thoughts linger longest on Emma’s. Oh, sweet, beautiful Emma. The berries had opened up so many possibilities, once forbidden and scandalous to my mind. Love had truly blossomed between us and for that, if nothing else, I was thankful for being shipwrecked. If only I hadn’t been exiled…
The thought faded as did I, my eyes closing one final time as I slipped into a final slumber, somehow managing to upturn the corners of my cracked lips into a melancholic smile.
oOo
Death was not without dreams, or so I discovered. Surprisingly, they weren’t the nightmarish visions brought on by the mushrooms I’d been feasting on. There was warmth and comfort and light within them. I was being held by one of God’s Angels, and lifted into heaven. I could hear song. Not some great choir, but rather a pastoral lullaby, one I recalled fondly from my youth. Sighing softly, I murmured the words almost silently, as I ascended to my place in heaven.
Hush little sheep, the sun will rise again. Hush little darling, be still. Soon the night like smoke will fly away. Hush little darling, be still.
Hush little Livie, the cock will crow again, Hush little darling, I’m here. Soon the fear like water will wash away. Hush now my love, I’m here.
Sighing once again, I forced my lids slowly open, blinking at the soft light that illuminated a face both strange and familiar. Isshu, my alien lover. I felt his voice inside my skull, caressing my thoughts and emotions with psychic fingers, calming me with feelings of security and love. Warm waters lapped at my naked flesh and slick tentacles embraced me, the tips stroking me worriedly, urging me back from the brink of non-existence.
“Isshu,” I breathed, barely able to get the word out, yet my thoughts must have projected it like a joyous shout from his reaction.