It started out as a simple thought, and as all thoughts go, this one was pretty far fetched, even for me.

My name is Tom Sloane. I’m a scientist, a physicist by education, but I work in renewable energy. It’s been my passion. The last fifteen years of my life have been dedicated to alternative forms of energy creation, and I think we’ve cracked it. I truly do.

I run a pretty small business; at the moment it consists of a few well-informed colleagues who are also friends and of course my wife. It was, I have to admit, her suggestion that got me into the concepts that I shall describe.

Our other passion is sex. Not just the wife and I, but the company.

Let’s take this slowly because I really want you to understand what we do. I want you to imagine how much time you spend fucking. Got it. So, what's your answer?

Come on, don't be shy: an hour a day, three hours, once a week, occasionally, or the worst of all, if I’m lucky. For us, it’s about three times a day lasting for as long as we can, but we're on a mission, so to speak: a scientific mission.

The company I started has developed sex aids. I know what you’re thinking: what the fuck does that have to do with renewable energy?

Just think about it. What if we can change the action of thrusts into energy? What if we can take vibration and friction and produce energy from them? What if we can convert breathing into energy?

Well, we've done it. We have the technology; now all we need is the research data to estimate how much energy can be saved by using them.

Which is the point of all this, to be honest.

So what is a sexual friction device and how does it work? Well, simply put, it’s a device that gathers frictional energy from heat in order to charge mini batteries that can then discharge into a renewable energy system, for use later on. It’s a close-fitting sheath that fits around the penis, like a condom, only this is an eCondom. It contains miniature heat exchanges, so small you can't see them; they’re built into the fabric of the condom. These heat exchangers feed the miniaturized batteries in the rim of the condom that can then be removed and placed into the renewable energy device.

Initial testing shows that a nice thick cock, into a nice small arse, produces the most energy.  Okay, so it’s a small amount, less than eighteen point five percent energy conversion or eConversion as we call it. But, the more you fuck the wife up the arse, the more energy you create. We found out the best combination by accident, and anal seems to produce the most friction, so we called it the eAnal device.

We were undergoing testing, originally in our homes, but we've now created multi-purpose cubicles that have cameras (action is important to understand usability and to help the testing process) and measuring equipment linked up to various devices. Well, during one bout of testing, my wife saw that Chris, my colleague, was well endowed as he fucked his wife, Shirley. I mean, he was giving it to her hard and fast; the percentage eConversion showing on his screen was higher than normal. The women got chatting and Melissa told Evelyn how much tighter she thought her arse was. The tests that followed were purely based on scientific exploration.

The next I knew, Melissa and Chris were on the purpose-made benches with Chris fucking Melissa’s brains out. I mean, he was going for it. The eConversion reading was twenty-three percent. The maximum we have seen for that device so far. So, now we're wondering whether there are people out there that have a thicker dick for Melissa to try or whether there are women out there with tighter arses.

We can only imagine the combination if we find both people that can bring the best out in this device.

To add to the energy problem, we even measured her breath. This is a sex toy that converts breath into energy by using a two-way turbine. Let's face it; when you’re giving her one that is taking her breath away, then the amount of huffing and puffing and sudden intake of air is quite pronounced. So we've developed a device that, for now, sits over the mouth and converts all this air into energy that is stored just like the friction device. You guessed it; it’s called the ePant.

Well, her breath monitor was giving an eConversion reading of seven point four percent eConversion. You couldn't make that up. Every forceful entry of Chris' cock into her arse had a combined energy readout of thirty point four percent. That's a high percentage of converted fuck energy, but in reality, it would only run an energy-efficient light bulb for about an hour. Small gains but gains nevertheless.

The thing about scientific tests is that they have to be repeatable. I felt sorry for Chris. It took the whole week, with three sessions a day to allow time for his recovery. A blue pill was used on every test to ensure lack of hardness was not factored into the results. We even measured his horniness level to ensure he really wanted to give her one. We have found that good friction is not always created by putting a large peg into a small hole, it’s also about the need to shove that peg into the hole as well. The more need you have, the more friction you create.

There are a lot of factors required to be taken into consideration for accurate testing. Needless to say, Melissa got fucked twenty-one times up her arse, probably more if I know Melissa.  I lost count of the number of orgasms she had, but the results were conclusive.

An average eConversion reading of thirty-six point two percent with his cock and her arse. That's a significant saving in anyone’s book.

The fact she felt used was an understatement, but that's the price you pay for success in this game.

I was not an innocent bystander while this was going on, of course not. I was fucking Evelyn, Chris’ wife. It was a different test that only reached seventeen point six percent which I think was partly due to tiredness on my part.  My cock was definitely stiff enough at all times, but the body was weak.  We need young blood, that's for sure.

The test was a penetration energy conversion sex toy. We called it eThrust. It’s a device that sits near the entrance to the vagina. We've made it as unobtrusive as we could and it circles the entrance. Its unique material clings unobtrusively to the walls of the opening. The other part of the device sits around the man's cock, a set of magnets this time that’s built into a condom-like material.

The brilliant thing is, is that the same circular clingy device can also sit around the woman's mouth, providing energy while giving blow jobs, though the eConversion yield is a lot less. Perhaps we haven't got the right blowjob person for the job, so to speak.

I think you may be getting the hang of this. The device I was using converts thrusting motion, hence the magnets, into energy as they move through a small electric field that flows through the clingy material.

The electric field does, in fact, stimulate the woman as well. I think it’s a desirable side effect for the woman, but the point is, the output is greater than the input.

Bingo, positive energy conversion output at the end of a good fuck. So, okay, the output is much smaller but it’s of use, not to mention her orgasms as well. I watched Evelyn squirm on many occasions while testing the product. She even had one orgasm before I stuck my cock in her.

Testing has found that a long dick is better for this, irrespective of where it’s put, purely because you can fit in more magnets. The condom-like device allows for a little insensitivity of the penis and that means more thrusts; all in all, a clever piece of technology.

Evelyn seemed to enjoy my long thick cock in her anyway, or maybe it was the tingling sensation from the current running around her entrance. I enjoyed the fuck as much as anyone would and was glad the device worked.

We have thought about combining eAnal with eThrust, getting the best of both worlds out of anal sex, but the lack of friction while having normal sex actually interferes with the energy produced from eThrust. Some you win, some you lose.

All this testing has stressed me to some degree, and I was surprised when Melissa announced that she thought the friction tests to have been inconclusive. Another week was needed, apparently.

We have taken on a few more staff recently. We have six cubicles for testing and are only using four at the moment. Melissa and Chris seem to be permanently attached to cubicle one.

We had one guy that was content to watch video feeds from the other rooms to test the eWank toy, mostly cubicle one as it happened.

The eWank device converts a gush of sperm into energy through a mini turbine that's built into the device. The electricity generated could be used to power the device's internal vibration system or it could be stored away. This was only one point eight percent efficient. It’s more of a toy than a serious energy conversion unit. But, in all honesty, you wouldn't believe the force or speed of ejaculations; we measured it on a prototype at forty-five kilometres an hour and have now built that into the device's readout. At the moment the device is similar to a sleeve or stroker but we want to miniaturise the device so that it fits just inside the rim of the penis. We shall have to see how many men buy that device.

I have to admit, my curiosity keeps getting the better of me as far as eWank goes, purely scientific of course. I keep saving myself for that moment when I get the high score.

Of course, I had to put eWank on hold during my eThrust testing sessions with Evelyn. You can’t have everything you want in life.

We have just employed another lady seeing as Melissa is still busy with those friction results. I even overheard the disappointment in Evelyn’s voice the other day when asking Melissa whether she could help out. Melissa was rather forceful in her reply, stating that a real tight arse was required with a very thick cock. She was, apparently the best person for the job.

She had a point, but I’m getting to think there's more to it than just scientific research.

So, this other woman was taken on for a specific tool. The eTrib. We have developed a device that sits on the edge of a woman's pussy, a ball-like device that is free to rotate in any direction. The brilliance of the device is that when rotated it creates energy that can be stored, a bit like the thrust device only spherical. It’s designed to sit between two pussies; actually just inside one of them with enough of the ball protruding out for the other one to latch onto.

Evelyn tested it out for the first time the other day with our newest recruit, Debby. You should have seen them go at it. Once the device was positioned on Debby, Evelyn got on and started rocking her pussy over it. The ball rolled; the device racked up a two-point four percent eConversion rate, better than eWank.

Still, it’s not going to power your microwave while you sit on the sofa with eWank while watching your two favourite women using eTrib at the same time. You need eThrust and possibly eAnal as well to get your microwave meal even lukewarm. But, we’re working on it.

I guess you're asking what next? Well, the sex world is our oyster. We've developed all these tools, but we have to be careful with the marketing hype that's attached to them.  That's why we’re recruiting heavily. We have the plans for a sixty-cubicle building ready to go. There will be no closed doors, there will be video feeds in every cubicle; we believe testers should be turned on to the best of their ability, be horny, up for it, release all the potential they have. We need them to hear and in some cases see everything that is going on. We have found that watching eAnal in action actually improves the eThrust’s results, only marginally though. It’s not a large enough difference to put on the packaging, not yet anyway.

We need to be scientific, which is why we need measurements. Cock sizes: lengths for eThrust, thickness for eAnal to be matched to the tightness of the female anal opening. We need people that love and live for sex.

 We have created some great products and we want to promote them. Our efforts from this phase of testing will be used to publish data that will predict the reusable energy you will achieve by using our products. So that someone can say with pussy A and cock B, you will achieve a thirty percent eConversion rate if you fuck like rabbits for one hour using device C.

That's the power of marketing.

Of course, we expect that some people will ultimately be disappointed. They will read the brochures, they will smile, they will ignore the minimum requirements, and they will complain and return the products and give us a zero-rating. Well, fuck them, that’s all I can say. Every package will clearly state its limitations, maybe in small print admittedly.

For instance, we have had to put the following limitations on eThrust:

Will not work with penises of less than 3 inches in length or vaginas too wide for a cock of 6 inches in girth.
The company takes no responsibility for excessive orgasms from electrical feedback.

We have had some issues with electrical feedback, but only because one tester squirted over the pilot devices which were, at that time, hard-wired to the storage converters. It was the early days. Needless to say, the backflow of electricity brought her off in seconds.

On eAnal we have had to use the following:

Anus sizes should be relative to the size of intrusion.
eAnal is not suitable for large cock blowjobs and the company accepts no liability for medical bills such as lockjaw.

Seriously, these are all the things you have to put into the disclaimer section. It’s as long as your arm. Can you imagine the eConversion rate that twenty-four inches of frictional power can create from anal fisting? Now, that may well power a microwave oven. It brings a smile to my face just thinking about it. It won’t be me that tests it though. I’m thinking Melissa for reasons I shall state below.

Other products are also being considered, such as eSpank. Bottoms ripple when they get spanked or caned; we’ve all seen it, right. We are looking to develop a substance that can coat the bottom, like a paint-on product that is wired to our charging units. Then when spanked or caned, the ripple effect will convert the vibrations into energy. We just need testers. We’re on the lookout for females for this because the fabric adheres to younger smooth bottoms better than older spotty ones.

Which is where you come in…

Why don’t you come along to our recruitment drive, and please, if you like our products, then be brave and suggest further items in the comments below? You never know; we may invite you in as a partner. Though I will say this now, Melissa is off-limits for any further testing. After four weeks of tests, we found the results of eAnal plummeted. There was a distinctive downturn. We put it down to her bottom being, how shall I put this delicately, not as tight as it used to be.

And that leaves us with somewhat of a dilemma as to the longevity of these products. They will last a lifetime, physically, but will you be tight enough, long enough or eager enough to drive them to destruction, and will you get your money back in time? They won’t be cheap.

If you want to be a tester, please leave your details in the comments below: length and girth for men and tightness for women. Please state what sort of testing you would enjoy the most and why. And if any men want to try and get that all-important high score – come along and give it a go at the next erotic exhibition at Olympia, London. We will have a closed cubicle there with your name on it, but don’t be surprised if you over-fifties can’t get anywhere near the high score.

If you just want to buy our products, then please say which one. At the moment, the cost is optional – we just want people to feel happy, so get yours as quickly as you can.