Brian is a highly intelligent and educated man. His high-level job at the bank requires him to make decisions quickly and decisively. He has a gentle authority which made others accept his requests and decisions without question. His humor is quietly made but always on target. Others might take a second to understand but then laugh heartily at the joke.
At forty-two, appearance-wise, Brian always is well-dressed and appropriate for all occasions. His clothes are perfectly pressed. Hours into the day, he still looks fresh and kempt. He is tall in stature and gives off the feeling that he is well built under his suit.
Kind and caring, he amasses many friends and followers from diverse parts of his life. On meeting, Brian quickly put people at ease, making them feel confident sharing things they would never have considered telling anyone before. People feel safe knowing Brian will not betray the confidences they share.
Brian knew he was gay since turning sixteen, once puberty kicked in. Grasping the part about gym he enjoyed most was looking at the other adolescent boys coming into manhood in the shower. Brian never acted on those feeling until he was in college.
Brian’s looks and appearance never set anyone’s gaydar off. He never hides his preference, nor does he openly flaunt it either. During his second year at university, Brian had his first relationship with another male. It was somewhat accidental how they came together, but they were happy together for the remaining three years.
When Brian was accepted into a graduate program, they went their separate ways. They had liked each other, but it was nothing really serious. It was more or less training camp between them: an opportunity to discover, fumble, and practice for future partners.
For the next five years, Brian dated occasionally but was focused on his career for the most part. At thirty, Brian began his first real relationship, falling in love for the first time, head over heels. Gary was around Brian’s age, and they had much in common. Gary was attractive and charismatic
It started casually, but soon Brian was infatuated, and things moved quickly forward. Shortly after meeting, they were inseparable, moving in together after knowing each other only a couple of weeks.
Brian and Gary were together for eight years when it all came shattering down. Since then, Brian has just been with a few men casually now and then, never getting emotionally attached. Being blindsided by Gary, Brian took the break-up hard, even though he was the one to end things.
Everything had been good for the first four years or so, Brian thought. Then Gary’s job changed. Gary explained that with the new position, he would have to be out of town most weeks. They still had wonderful weekends of unstoppable sex. But the separation, with Gary hardly calling or texting while gone, began to take its toll.
This lifestyle went on for four more years. Brian, while wrapped up in his job, was getting more and more depressed. It never showed as Brian did not wear his heart on his sleeve, but on many evenings alone, he would succumb to tears.
The finale began when Brian discovered something that he could not tolerate. Gary had a side piece when he was out of town. Not just a side piece, but a relatively young one. Gary was supporting this man/boy whose only occupation seemed to be making himself available for Gary to meet wherever he was working a given week. And who knows what the slut was up to on weekends when Gary was with Brian.
Brian confronted Gary about it, and there were several rounds of Gary promising it was over and how sorry he was. Gary would work from home for a couple of weeks after each promise, but then back on the road, the boy toy was with him again.
The final straw was when Brian, by chance, learned that Gary had not been made to take the out-of-town position but had asked for it, even taking a cut in salary to do so. The whole affair Gary was having had started almost a year before his job change. Doing the numbers, Brian realized this runt with Gary had only been nineteen when it all began.
The ending was quick and thorough. Brian found a house to purchase and moved out of the flat he and Gary shared. He cut all ties with him and began a single life for himself.
Realizing his inner anger, which he could not shake, Brian began counseling with James. Their regular session helped Brian come to terms with his sorrow and resentment. Besides coming to terms with his relationship with Gary, Brian also learned not to be afraid to be close with someone again but to take time to get to know the person first.
After a couple of years of counseling, Brian concluded seeing James. He is now more stable, open to taking the time needed to get to know someone before going ‘all in,’ and ready to find someone who would be suitable for him.
James is who Brian called to set up an appointment at Pathways for Mark. When Brian saw James, Abbie and he never saw or interacted due to Brian’s sessions being in the early evening. It was only after the sessions ended that Brian began to frequent the Wilde Peacock. Putting himself out there to perhaps meet someone. He and Abbie would often chat over drinks and became friendly, but there were no sparks of attraction between them.
oOo
Then this last winter, an evening at the sports pub happened. Often, Brian thought of that night as a miracle bringing Mark into his life. Brian sometimes frequented the pub beside the Wilde Peacock. He liked the sports attitude and enthusiasm of the place.
That night had been a pivotal game between two rivals, Brian’s team against what he learned was Mark’s favorite. He had heard Mark getting more and more vocal as his team made mistakes or allowed the other team to score. Mark had peppered his comment with mentions of pansies and nancies.
By fate, perhaps, Mark, ordering another pint, was next to Brian at the bar when he made his loud comment about his team being a bunch of queers and fairies, playing so miserably tripping over their feet all the time.
Brian saw the humor in Mark’s statement, as Brian was accustomed to when amused, turned to Mark and calmly said in a clear voice for all to hear, “Actually, tripping over your feet is more a hetero thing, isn’t it? I thought fairies and queers were graceful and danced around.”
As soon as Brian said that, followed by the hush in the bar, he worried he was about to get punched. Never would Brian have imagined Mark’s reaction to his joke. Or that he would suddenly become Brian’s bosom-buddy. The first time right after the joke, when Mark flung his arm around Brian laughing, Brian froze for a minute, feeling this electrical charge crash through his body.
No, he could not be aroused by this more or less Neanderthal. And in the same manner, this guy could never be attracted to him in that way. But Mark kept coming back, and in the end, sat next to Brian and chatted long after his friends left.
As they talked and introduced themselves, Brian began to realize that outside of Mark’s crude comments, he was an interesting and funny guy. Brian started calling Mark, buddy, as they chatted, a reaction to Mark’s calling him the same. Then in the car outside Mark’s flat, when Mark initiated a kiss between them, Brian was surprised and rather ecstatic.
The kiss, short as it was, sent the electrodes on overload through Brian’s body. Brian knew Mark was very drunk. Was Mark just someone who was gaysted? That was the last thing Brian needed. Hooking up with gay poison was not an option Brian would ever participate in.
Brian’s compassion won out, and he helped Mark to his flat. After getting him comfortable on his couch, looking down on Mark fast asleep, Brian felt that incredible sensation running through his body. Brian felt the goosebumps on his skin as he brushed aside Mark’s hair.
Maybe.
Brian wrote the note with his phone number for Mark to call him if needing a ride back to his car. ‘If he calls, and we meet sober, perhaps it could be something,’ Brian thought as he drove home.
Brian never told Mark, but that Saturday morning, he was on pins and needles, wondering if Mark would call for a ride. Brian hoped he had not been too forward with the note, but he wanted to know what Mark’s motives were for kissing him. Was Mark gay or not? And was he really that attracted to Mark from just one kiss? Well, the kiss, and an enjoyable evening of conversation.
Mark was the first person Brian felt attracted to in years. The few he had been with since Gary was more from physical needs than a feeling of kinship.
The next day, learning that Mark now comprehended his true inclinations and desire for Brian, but just stepping over the fence, Brian warned himself that they would need to go slow. ‘Don’t get attached to him until he is sure about this. Just think of it as a bit of fun helping him learn the ropes,’ Brian counseled himself.