Literally lived on Lush for 10+ years. Used to be my way to control the beast inside... to tame the tendencies I have had all my life. But about 6 months ago, I became lazy and careless. My wife found one of my 'extra' social profiles and that was it.

I deleted everything including my much loved lifetime membership here. It had taken 6 months to bring the fire I had lit in my house to manageable embers smoldering away.

I have started to get those pulls. Those tugs inside. That fire that is always burning but I had ignored for the last 6 months. And I knew... if I didn't come back to Lush I would end up doing something worse.

So here I am...

Lessons I had learnt:-

1. What happens in Lush stays in Lush - I used to let my friendships (and some more deeper connections) come outside outside of Lush. This is what caused the problems for me so I won't be doing that anymore. For those of you knew me (D33pD4rkn3ss), my bottle fetish is still there!!!!

2. The version of me here is the version of me irl - people used to think I was all words, no action. If only you knew... so just clarifying that what you see here is what you would see irl too.

3. Lush friendships are just as solid as those irl - I miss some of my friends here. I really do. And I miss chatting but the reality is that I have 2 lives. The one irl which I am committed to even if every fibre in my body screams for something else, and the one here which is so satisfying and so much fun. But I have to balance the 2. That was another problem for me. I let Lush take over too much.

4. Writing keeps one's mind active - I will continue writing. So many of you commented on my writing and I wish I had kept the stories and poems but I deleted EVERYTHING thinking I would never come back to this. There is a reason the say 'never say never!'

I think I'll stop here for now.

There is more to me than meets the eye... so turn the cover and have a peek inside!