Traditional monogamy is a commitment (both emotionally and sexually) to another person, exclusive to anyone else.
Now, is that a natural state for most human beings? No.
In the animal world, strict monogamy is almost unheard of... even pair-bonded animals have flings on the side. And there are only 3-5% of mammals who 'pair bond' at all.
And yes, I know we are not animals (most of us anyways).
But I don't understand why many people cannot get over the difference between love and sex. Yes, sex is an intimate act, but there are sexual urges and desire for variety that have nothing to do with a real emotional and psychological connection that you can have with one person that supersedes all others (ie. love).
Like LadyX, I don't know a lot of couples that are exceptionally happy when they are confined by the limitations of traditional monogamy. At least not after 2 years of the same thing. Eventually sexual boredom does set in for most couples, unless they venture outside the box.
I know a lot of cheaters (more than monogamous types to be honest), and I'm not a proponent of deception... after all, how can you have that authentic emotional connection with someone if you're constantly sneaking around?
My ideal kind of relationship is non-traditional monogamy where you have the emotional/psychological commitment to one person, but you are both free to experiment in a kind of open sexual relationship (where you create your own rules as a couple beforehand). Once you remove the "deceptive" element of sex outside your marriage/relationship, then it just becomes an extension of your connection to each other. And I think that can make for a healthy and realistic long-term relationship! We just have to get beyond the traditional confines of what our society says is the ideal promise to be 'faithful' and 'forsaking all others'. What that really amounts to for most couples is setting yourself up for total failure.
For those who say "I have never cheated"... I think you just haven't had the "right" opportunity. If given the opportunity to be with someone you were sexually attracted to and no chance of getting caught, how many could honestly say they would never do it. And maybe not now if you're in the beginnings of a new, thrilling, "idealistic" relationship... but never say never.
I do think women tend to be more inclined to "traditional monogamy" than men, but we also have all that indoctrination and brainwashing early on from fairytales, white-picket fences, and general social messaging. But those type of women are more likely to cheat for the emotional/psychological experience, rather than for the sexual.
I just think society needs to "reprogram" the whole concept of monogamy... Maybe that would help keep the divorce rate down, and create longer lasting (and happier and more fulfilling) relationships!
No, oral sex skills alone are not going to convince me.
If I'm not at least somewhat attracted to him, I'm not interested.
Yeah, I could probably just keep my eyes closed and imagine it was someone else, but that's pretty much what I do with my vibrators and sex-toys now.
For me, half the pleasure is in seeing someone that you're already hot for, in between your thighs, tonguing you into ecstasy.
It really depends...
If I've just met him, I typically wait until the 2nd or 3rd date. I do like the anticipation of knowing what's ahead, and the build-up...
I also have better sex when I'm feeling that vibe and stimulated on all levels (the mind as well)... it usually takes a second meeting before that happens unless you're on a marathon first date and the chemistry is just too intense to deny. I've done it on the first as well, but that's more the exception to the rule for me.
I have set up exes a few times. In those cases it was because I had broken up with them, and I felt some residual guilt over how I handled it, and felt like they were not getting on with their lives and still trying to linger in mine.
These set ups have never worked out , of course, but I have done it. I think this sort of thing is ok when you're dealing with exes from casual dating relationships, or relationships that never went into serious emotional connections or actually falling in love.
When things are less emotional, and the break-up ended on good terms, then I don't think there's anything that wrong with setting them up if you think they'd be a good fit for someone you know. If you have any lingering feelings for them, however, it does have the potential to become awkward to have them dating your friend, and potentially re-entering your social circle as someone else's boyfriend.
People that leave you a voicemail, and then go into stalker-mode and continue calling you every single hour, hoping to catch you 'live'...
Don't they know that I 'call screen'???
"You have it all wrong... You see, that girl that just tried to run us over in the street with her SUV is my ex-girlfriend ... she's crazy."
... As it turned out, she was his "ex"-girlfriend of only 2 hours, and had yet to move her things out of his house at the time of our "date".
House music... anything by Tiesto, Deep Dish, David Guetta, Armin van Buuren, Paul van Dyk or Hed Kandi.
The heart-rate keeps in time with the beats and I can really get into 'the zone' with a cardio-heavy workout.
Like Xuani, I have tried sex on various recreational drugs during my party days. Drugs do cause an altered psychological state and can cause you to experience sex in a completely different way... whether it be enhancing the physical sensations or intensifying the connection between you and your partner (although sometimes on an artificial level). But overall, yes, I've enjoyed experimenting and having sex. It's a different kind of sexual experience, and I'm a naturally curious girl and have enjoyed the heightened physical sensations of certain recreational drugs. In fact, sex is way better on some of those drugs, than it will ever be on alcohol. Drunk sex is messy and unsatisfying a lot of the time. My favourite drug/sex combo would be pot or MDMA (a more pure form of ecstasy). I also enjoy sex if you're rolling on some good X, although as Xuani says, it's hard for a guy to come while on X... which is not such a bad thing.. it just gives you more time to play.
The best sex is sober and with a partner you are connected to obviously... the rest is just experimenting and exploring some new physical and sexual sensations. These drugs mentioned tend to keep you more alert and focused on the moment (and the person) and IMO are in a different class of experience than getting drunk and having sex (which still seems to be rather socially acceptable).
I also tried it twice and got H.G. Wells and then Stephen King...
It seems a bit random?
