I used to publish under the profile Klaus B. Renner. That profile is gone, as are all the stories (well, from this platform, anyway).

English is not my first language. I was born and raised right here, in Norway. Jeg er norsk. My accent carries the traces of my somewhat nomadic life. We learned British English in school, and I spoke a bastardized version of that until I moved to Canada. I say 'um' and 'eh' a lot, trying to lose the first, refine the last. Foreign speakers are often accused of sounding unnatural. Generated. It's the most common flaw of the AI scare, right after having actual talent. I refuse to change my voice, although I would love to lose the Norwegian/Canadian accent.

I am in love. According to her, I have a handsome cock. I think I'm lucky. In that she thinks so, I mean.

I don't do sex chats, and no...I'm not submissive. I'm sure I got at least one laugh out of that.

Even though my old profile is gone, there are a few of those stories floating around the internet.

The insanely talented Alissa Palmer did the narration of one of those stories. Riding the Ghost Train received an Editor's Pick, and we wanted to post the finished audio on here, but site limitations made that impossible. If you've heard Alissa's audios, you know this one is going to be good. The first time I heard her, I knew. That's Holly's voice. If you have an hour to spare and a good set of headphones, turn out the lights, follow the link. It's well worth it.

Another piece close to my heart is Beneath the Noise, now published on my co-writer, Alissa's, Substack. That piece is too good not to be published somewhere. It was the first collaboration I did, the only collab I’ve done where I’ve shared the page with another talent. It’s a piece that is very near and dear to my heart. Oh, I say co-writer, which is right in this context, but Jesus...she's so much more...

Beneath the Noise used to be published here, but was lost when I deleted my old account. It's a strange thing that they delete co-written material when one author leaves. When we tried to resubmit it, it was downright refused. Policies over matter. I get it.

I mentioned above that I am Norwegian. That means I'm horrible with small talk by nature. I've been labeled crude and rude, but trust me, I'm just being honest. It's a value we hold in high regard in Scandinavia. I say aluminium, not aluminum.

If you're venturing into reading my stories, here's how I think you should approach it:

She Calls Me Daddy is a true story of my first meeting with Alissa.
"I honestly do not think I have the words to describe what I have just read."
"I've liked, favorited, and added this back to my reading queue."
"Simply said, you grabbed me by the heart and various other body parts."

I Am Need is the result of a late-night talk. She was being cheeky, and my frustration was: "How do I even punish you?" It turned into a filthy story, and Alissa was kind enough to narrate the whole thing.
"Very well written and loved the narration."
"I felt her need...I felt her need. Great writing!"

The Girl in the Blue Dress, Maybe Next Year, and To Hold You Near aren't just poems. They are love songs, in the true tradition of love songs. They're about seeing, witnessing, and never doubting. Your loss if you don't visit them at least once.

The Lost Files

When I deleted my old account, a lot of my stories were lost to the world. Some of them may resurface here, but not all of them. I don't even like all of them. All of these stories were previously published on this site, but will not be allowed to resurface here. I don't see why it would be a problem to link to them.

Beneath the Noise - what happens when the heart, at last, speaks louder than the noise.
This story was shared between two people. The idea was all his, but we built it tandem—voice by voice, scene by scene. Not to define each other’s characters, but to find them in the space between. What remains is a collision neither of us could have written alone. Thank you for reading our story. We hope that for a moment, you heard it too.—Alissa and Klaus.

Riding the Ghost Train
I saw the rise, the fall, and the damage of the grunge era. I had people who lived it, people who died it, and people who survived it. I lived on the edge of it, looking in. This story came to me sometime last year and has stayed with me ever since. It’s a story of loss, grief, and survival. But also of hope and strength. The audio is narrated by the insanely talented Alissa Palmer. The music is written and performed by me.

My October - It's centered around love and loss, and received a RR on this site. It is not the typical one-handed read you expect to find on this site; it's something so much more. So much better.

What? You've read all the way down here? I'm impressed. Thank you for your attention.