I phoned Clare on Sunday afternoon, the day after our safari, as I wanted to check that she was alright. I knew she was going to break up with Alan that very morning and if need be, I fully intended to drive over to see her and give her my full support.
“Hi,” I said once Clare had got to the phone, “I am phoning to check if you are alright.”
“Thank you and yes, I am okay, but it was not as easy as I thought. I have never broken up with anyone before.”
That was a surprise to hear. I then thought about it and realised that everyone she had mentioned in her, still not fully told, sexual history had always broken up with her.
“Do you want me to come over?” I offered.
“That would be nice, but I am okay, and I am going out for a drive this evening as I got the use of my mum’s car.”
“Where are you going?” I innocently asked, thinking she just needed some time on her own. I knew there was not much privacy at Clare’s parent’s home.
“Karen phoned earlier, and I have arranged to go out with her for a drive.”
I smiled. I should have guessed.
“A date?” I asked, now grinning down the phone. I couldn’t help it! Though most of all I wanted Clare happy.
“Yes, it is a date. I know Karen will see it that way. Though for me, it is more about getting out of the house and breathing some fresh air. I am planning to take her down to the coast, maybe to the pub where we stopped by the beach, you know, the one that overlooked it.”
“The Captain’s Retreat,” I injected.
“Yes, that one, as it is a pleasant spot to talk, as I do want to have a good chat with her as I do not want to give her false expatiations. I am not planning a serious relationship with her.”
I understood. Though the oaf in me had already temporarily forgotten, Clare had just broken up with Alan, her now ex-boyfriend of eighteen months.
“What are you going to wear?” I asked with a grin, which I was trying to stop being a chuckle.
“Not baggy jeans,” Clare answered, knowing exactly where my mind was going. She was right.
Then Clare added, “Funny enough, Karen asked me what I would be wearing, and I said probably jeans. That pleased Karen, as she told me she prefers girls in trousers, or in uniform. That surprised me, but I have never given it a thought before. You know, what I like my future lesbian dates to wear. I guess the thought of dating a girl and pursuing her is still so new to me.”
“What is Karen going to wear?” I asked, but Clare had no idea as she hadn’t asked the question.
She did go on to tell me that her period had just started, which was good. We had only used condoms at her most fertile time. The rest of the time, it was always bareback sex, sometimes with me pulling out. It is what we both wanted, skin-to-skin sex, but there was always a small pregnancy risk, which sometimes I had stupidly joked about.
We both knew that neither of us was ready for children. Like Sarah, I wanted Clare to go onto the pill. I also felt I owed it to Sarah, to make sure Clare did. So I asked…
“Have you thought more about getting tested so you can go on the contraceptive pill?”
Clare was quiet for a moment. She was thinking. I knew she was reluctant, but I had never understood why.
“I will go and see my doctor soon and get tested, but the results might take a while.”
I had the feeling Clare was trying to put it off, but I chose not to press her further whilst on the phone. I wanted to do that in person. I knew it was time to be more assertive with her, and try to be that alpha man again.
Clare had never explained to me why she could not go on the pill. All that she had mentioned to me was that her mother had struggled with using it and her younger sister had had some issues, too. So I sort of assumed it must be a heredity thing. But for a highly intelligent girl like Clare, who regularly enjoyed sex; relying on the rhythm method… well, it just didn’t fit.
Clare reminded me that I was away in just over a week’s time, so it might be a long wait for her before we had sex again. We actually flew out on holiday a week Friday.
“I have forgotten that the holiday was that close,” I replied, and I had, then jokingly added. “We’ll all I can promise is you can have all my sperm until we leave.”
Clare laughed and said, “We see, but Sarah might have something to say about that.”
“Have you told your parent’s about Alan yet?” I asked, changing the subject and being a bit more serious.
“Not yet, probably Tuesday, and that’s all I planning to tell them for now. I want to see how they react. That is if they react at all.”
“Have you spoken to Brenda?” I then asked.
“No, until Tuesday, she is working in the south of France. I hope to catch her Wednesday though. I want to see if we can do my first photoshoot this weekend before you go on holiday. If not, I wait until you are back. I also want to talk to her about Karen and a little about what you suggested about her to me.”
Clare was talking about her dating Karen as being a Brenda lesbian project or putting it another way, Brenda’s entertainment. This is what I suggested to Clare last week after hearing the details from Clare on her day-long coffee date with Brenda.
“I tell you who I did talk to, though, Sarah. She phoned me to check I was all right after breaking up with Alan… Now I think about it. She beat your phone call.”
“Sorry,” I blurted, before trying to recover with, “But you know men can be a bit slow when it comes to matters of the heart.”
Clare laughed, which was good to hear. I knew she was a little upset about Alan, but I felt it would not last long and Clare needed some freedom, just not freedom from me!
“So, what did you chat about?” I asked, “Yes, I know I am asking a lot of questions.”
“This and that, but mainly about you,” Clare responded before laughing again. I smiled, but I could not leave it at that…
“What did each of you say about me?” I wanted to know. I could hear Clare laughing, her face away from the phone. It seemed she had forgotten about Alan and I found myself chuckling along too, even though I wanted to know what the girls had said about me!
“That’s for me to know and you to find out,” Clare replied, still laughing. I then heard Clare’s mum saying something about needing to make a phone call.
“I have to get going,” Clare said. “Mum needs the phone.”
“Okay, see you tomorrow and ask about using your mum’s car on Tuesday. If not, I come over and pick you up. The appointment is at six-fifteen, so you need it from around five o’clock.”
“Okay, bye, see you tomorrow,” then a quiet, “I love you,” and with those three words Clare was gone.
I was left there holding the receiver and grinning. It was the first time Clare had said the L-word on the phone and I wondered if her mum heard her, but I didn’t care. I was happy and in love with two beautiful girls.
I also thought it was fantastic news that Sarah had phoned Clare, with no prompting from me. Sarah was so forgiving and caring and then it hit me that I never wanted to lose my Sarah. She was both beautiful inside and out.
Despite the fact I had woken up with her this morning and would be seeing her again tonight, I needed to phone Sarah, to thank her, and to hear her voice. I had an overwhelming urge to talk to her, to tell her that I truly loved her and to say how much she meant to me.
I smiled and then dialled her number…
*****
As I drove home Sunday night from Sarah’s after an evening with our friends at the “Bat and Ball” pub disco, I had a chance to reflect on Sarah and this new dynamic between the three of us, and, particularly Sarah’s immediate thoughts.
It had been as we cuddled up in bed Saturday night that Sarah told me that she liked Clare and she understood why I wanted her to be my girlfriend, though her words were somewhat a little vaguer than that.
I knew there was a small part of Sarah that still resented Clare’s arrival, but there were lots of things I heard her say, that I grasped, and made me realise the girlfriend lying naked next to me had accepted Clare as my second girlfriend. It felt a little unreal, but I knew it was also true.
Things like, “It will be nice to have another friend, especially from outside the village.” Sarah had friends, but only one was really close and that was Lisa, who lived in a bungalow two doors down the same quiet street from Sarah’s parents. Her other friends were more acquaintances, but they all had one thing in common: they were village girls with a similar upbringing as Sarah.
“I like it, that Clare is outgoing and confident,” Sarah had whispered in amongst her other words. I took that as Sarah was like me, attracted to Clare’s sensual behaviour, the way she flirts and attracts both men’s and female attention wherever she goes.
And even when we were at the “Bat and Ball” last night, Sarah seemed to me to be different. Normally, she would be standing next door to me, in my shadow. But last night she was mixing with the crowd, almost flirting. Then she would have a look across at me, our eyes meeting. It was an action that brought a knowing smile to our faces. To other people, even our friends, there was no change but the subtleties, the small things… was it only me who saw them?
They were small points like an extra button undone on her blouse, a little more makeup, jewellery, higher heels, and tighter jeans. Though, of course, Sarah would never do anything in her own village. She had learned since Jerry. She had been very clear about that, but on holiday in Crete, maybe things would be different… a new sensual story.
I knew Sarah, and I needed to talk. With me offering her sexual freedom and Sarah hinting it was something she was interested in; it was something that came with risks. Just like introducing Clare into our previous monogamous relationship, but… risks with, hopefully, their own rewards.
Sarah and I needed to communicate better than the whispers and half-understood connotations we were currently having. Yes, there was now a new dynamic, delicate Sarah was now firmly in the past. That was a fact… and we both knew it.
A rejuvenated Sarah was emerging, spurred on by Clare’s arrival. We were moving forward as a couple in this new three-way relationship, but… I also knew that we needed to tread carefully, that Sarah and I had still to find the correct path forward and try our best not to fall off the edges.
*****
Monday evening I spent with Clare and we just went to the same pub we first went to a month ago. It was called, “The Woodsman” and was situated in the local large forest. We sat outside drinking our pints and each eating chicken and chips in a basket.
My day at work had been an excellent one, having found a new and huge American company that had the potential to become by far our biggest customer. It felt as if I was on a good roll, especially after our weekend safari, which had turned out to be one of the best days of my life. I also had a good warm feeling about the potential rental apartment I was going to view tomorrow.
Clare’s last full day at work had also been today. Apart from getting a few things signed off tomorrow, she was effectively now on holiday until her college course started in three weeks. I suggested that we should spend all day on Friday together and have a day with just the two of us. Unless she would prefer it if Sarah joined us in the afternoon, as Sarah had to work in the morning.
Clare was happy either way, so we agreed to chat again with Sarah at the apartment viewing. Clare also confirmed that she did have use of mum’s car for tomorrow and to make it easy we decided that I would leave work early and we all meet at Sarah’s at five-thirty pm. Then go to look at the maisonette apartment, its official title, all together in one car.
I also asked Clare about Alan, but she said she was already getting over him and that he had not been in contact with her, which I took as a good sign. I didn’t know Alan, but I hoped that maybe he was also getting over Clare. I certainly didn’t want him making contact again, as I now thought of Clare as mine, despite the knowledge our relationship was an open one.
“It is time to move on,” being Clare’s closing words about Alan.
I thought so too, but I guessed there may be times in the future when his name might come up. After all, you cannot just stop thinking about someone who you have been going out with for the last eighteen months.
Clare then mentioned her date with Karen and she described it as… “A totally relaxed and lovely evening,” but, of course, I wanted to know more. I wanted to know everything when it came to Clare.
“Okay,” Clare said, slightly exasperated.
I just smiled back… and waited.
“I knew you would want to know it all, but there is nothing of interest to you. We only kissed at the end of the evening.”
“What did you tell her about Brenda?” I asked. I hoped she had brought it up.
“Nothing, I sort of let it go. I was enjoying the evening too much, and I thought I needed to talk to Brenda first and understand really what was going on. At the moment, it is all hypothetical.”
I laughed as Clare knew it was not that “hypothetical” but I also let it go as she did have a point that it might be best to speak to Brenda before anything went too far. Maybe it would just end up with Clare and Karen being just good friends. Also, it was true, Clare had still not decided about Brenda. We had agreed, that was not going to happen until I had met her and given my approval.
“So what did Karen wear?” I asked, and then quickly added, “And do you know what sort of relationship she is looking for?”
“She wore a just above a knee-length light blue skirt, high heels, a flowery blouse and a plain blue jacket, which went well with her skirt. I wore jeans, similar to what I wearing today. As for a relationship, she is looking for a girlfriend. I am not too sure yet if she is looking for someone who is a bit more Brenda (ish). I think that question has to remain open, as we never discussed it.”
Then Clare added, with a smile, “We have to acknowledge that she is at the start of her sexual journey and, to some degree… so am I.”
I smiled at the second part as Clare was very sexually experienced, more experienced than me or Sarah or even a combination of the two of us added together! But I did understand what she meant. Coming out as bisexual or, as she currently suggested, a lesbian, and then having a public relationship with another girl would be all new experiences for her. Clare’s past sexual relationship with Jaz had happened all behind closed doors and they both wanted to keep it that way.
“What is your best guess?” I asked. “This is something I am certain Brenda will ask you.”
Clare thought for a moment, “Seventy-five per cent that she looking for a top and twenty-five per cent that she is happy with someone similar to her. She is definitely a bottom,” and with that observation, our conversation moved on.
*****
Later, when we had parked in a dark forest car park, I asked Clare once again about contraception. It was a subject which I didn’t want to bring up, but I thought of Sarah and my promise to her; that I would ask Clare about it. I wasn’t ready to become a father.
Clare looked at me. She was quiet and evasive, “I will soon,” being her only words to my question about going on the pill. She then turned her face away from me to view the darkness out of the side window. That got me a little annoyed. She was hiding something.
“Look,” I somewhat strongly said. “What is exactly the issue?” I had to press, though knowing this was Clare’s decision.
I had to make Clare see the bigger picture. I didn’t want Clare pregnant, and I needed to tell Sarah that Clare was going onto the pill, but above all, I didn’t want to wear a condom!
“There is no issue,” Clare whispered, her head still looking away from me. “Alan never worried about it.”
“No issue?” I didn’t understand. I thought Clare had medical issues with taking it. That was what she had hinted at over the last six weeks. I didn’t know what to say. I was still grappling with understanding girls and relationships, though I thought I had come a long way.
“Clare, I am also not Alan… I want to know your babies are mine, not someone else’s!”
I was expecting a backlash, but when Clare turned back to me, she smiled. Maybe I had just said the right thing! I wasn’t sure, so I smiled too.
“I have talked to Sarah about taking it,” Clare softly announced, as if that was all that she needed to say. Sarah would encourage her to be safe. After all, she had experienced the alternative, and she had warned me not to have unprotected sex.
