Monday’s long night with Clare made me realise that I needed to make more time for myself and I made a big decision, at least it was for me. That was not to sign on to play football for the new season. My thinking was this would free up my weekends as I needed that time to spend with both my girlfriends, though it was still uncertain that I could keep Sarah, and as for Clare, she had other interests outside me. 

I wanted and needed to maximise my chances with both girls as they were so much more important to me than playing sports.

There was another decision I had to make and this one was a little more difficult. I needed to find a place to rent that was close to both where I worked and Sarah’s home. This would greatly reduce my travel time to not only work and Sarah’s, but also Clare’s, as her house was almost a direct drive down the motorway and not across country roads as it was from my parent’s place. 

With that in mind, I signed on with a house-letting agency though I vowed that it would only rent for a maximum of one year. My real intent was to purchase a house of my own but to do that I needed more time to save and get a good mortgage deal. I also wanted to find a partner, or maybe partners, to invest with me. Though I knew I was getting well ahead of myself as I was already thinking of both Clare and Sarah.

There was also some good news on my finances. My parents, Paul and Katherine, who were against me renting, told me that my grandparents had left me and my two brothers a large sum of money, ten thousand pounds to each of us. But it came with one condition; it could only be used on the purchase of a house and nothing else. 

The extra money would certainly help, but I was still not in the position to make that commitment yet. I needed a little more time especially as I wanted to purchase a place with at least two bedrooms and that all-important garden.

I had emphasised to my parents that I am only looking to rent for a year and it was too soon for me and Sarah to look for a place to buy. I was not yet eligible for a good mortgage and Sarah’s job was only a short-term fill-in until she knew what she wanted to do in the future.

Clare remained my secret, maybe Sarah’s and my secret. I knew my parents would not take her presence well as they loved Sarah. She was like the daughter they never had and on top of that, though not religious, they were very conservative in their attitudes towards marriage and life in general. Having two official girlfriends was not a concept that would sit comfortably with them. 

On Tuesday I dropped into the local shop to get the negatives of the photos I took of Clare with the view to picking them up with Sarah on Friday. This is when we would be back in town to book our holiday together. I just hoped that Clare’s topless shots would go unnoticed and not end up pinned to the office wall.

I also nipped into the travel agent’s and picked up two-holiday brochures which I took to Sarah’s that evening. I wanted her to choose our holiday, though I insisted that it got to be hotter than the United Kingdom, that bit was easy, and have a nice sandy beach with some nightlife nearby. 

We spent Tuesday evening together and had a meal with her mum and dad, Barbara and James. It was a lovely evening meal as an extended family chat, around the table, with no tension, it felt quite surreal as Sarah and I knew later were going to be talking about our future.

It was later in the evening Sarah and I went out for a drive, to find someplace quiet, as we wanted privacy. I knew that I was going to be asked about last night with Clare but I also wanted to be discrete. My thinking, if I started to tell Sarah about Clare, then she would assume that I told Clare about her. That would not be right or true.

I also knew it was much more difficult for Sarah to accept Clare than for Clare to accept Sarah. After all, Sarah had been my girlfriend for nearly six months before Clare came into our lives.

I had rather dumped Clare on her and then there was my cheating.

Yes I had been a cheating asshole and yes I had been wrong to have done what I did in Majorca but I just hoped that Sarah could forgive me and accept Clare. Wild emotions had often pulsed through me, deep inside, in my core, but I always thought that there was a chance that Sarah would accept Clare and whisper it, even becomes friends. That was the alpha male in me.

I had come to realise that Sarah was not delicate, it had been a phase in her life that I had helped her pull through and I now realised deep within her there was a steely core. She was not some innocent lamb being led to slaughter. She was much stronger than that. Something within me was telling me the true Sarah was not so much different to Clare, and that thought, truly excited me.

It also gave me some concerns.

It was with all those thoughts, and emotions, churning in me that we parked in a quiet hilltop car park that had a nice view across the forest. But I was only interested in Sarah. She looked so young and beautiful as I watched her sitting there. She wore tight denim jeans with a light blue jumper and had white trainers on her feet. 

As she looked out at the latish summer evening I knew she was going to ask me a leading question and I thought it might be best if I went first. I had been thinking of what to say, the truth was I had been thinking about this moment ever since I left Clare yesterday night.

“I know you want to ask me about last night and my meeting with Clare. I know you think she is your rival and that it is unfair and not right. That I am your boyfriend and she came along and I should not have slept with her or even ask you to accept her and of course, you are completely right.”

I paused, I had been speaking in a gentle, soft voice though my stomach had churned with every word. What can you say when you have done wrong to someone you love, but you are not sorry?

I knew as my mouth opened that the next few words might end up being the most important of my life. I took my time as I softly spoke, every word carefully chosen.

“I want you to know that I do love you, Sarah. You are my girlfriend and I want us to stay together.”

I wasn’t sure if I was being arrogant, but I knew it would be entirely my fault if Sarah dumped me, which was something I dearly did not want to happen. I was trying hard to keep our relationship and also have Clare, and I hoped the history that Sarah and I had together, in the bank, would help me.

I asked myself, was that me being the alpha male or just a fool? I didn’t know, but when I asked my heart, I knew I wanted them both!

Sarah looked at me; I could see tears forming in her eyes before she looked away. She did not say anything. I wanted to reach out and cuddle her, to tell her I was sorry but I knew I needed to say the truth. I wanted both Sarah and Clare.

“You know I love you,” I said to her again.

Sarah glanced at me. Her blue eyes were now puffy and red, “I love you, Sarah, though Clare is special to me too.” 

I saw Sarah’s eyes flicker and flare, before returning to their natural blue.

I was expecting a backlash from Sarah at the mention of Clare’s name but as was her way, she said nothing and that was even worse. She needed to talk to me but I had hope and belief from what Sarah had said before. That she would let me see Clare. So I carried on, gently talking and hoping I could save our relationship and get Sarah to open up to me. Spill out what she was now thinking and more importantly, what she wanted for our future; that is if we had a future.

“I know that is wrong but I need to be honest with you. We need to talk about ourselves. Our future, but I also want you to meet Clare.”

It was getting a little heavy sat in the car. I needed air and I wanted to put my hands around Sarah. Hold her close, but I could not in the confines of my car.

So I suggested…

“Let’s go for a walk and talk, we need to talk.” I emphasised the “we.” 

We got out of the car, still in silence. I briefly looked down the hill at the view before me. It seemed strangely dark, flat, and lifeless. I thought of us, the calm before the storm.

I held Sarah’s hand, she did not reject me. There was still hope. She had hinted as much last week, and we walked hand in hand along a quiet path that ran around the hilltop, towards the setting sun. We were quiet and reflective, only stopping occasionally to take in the new view and then we came to a wooden bench and we stopped in front of it.

I wrapped my arms around Sarah, my beautiful Sarah, and I cuddled her, feeling her body’s warmth. As we stood there, our arms around each other I could feel Sarah beginning to melt. I could feel she still loved me, but I could only hope she still wanted me.

Hopefully, I was winning her over, even though I knew I was being a complete jerk, and I was wrong.

I was asking Sarah, my long-term girlfriend to accept that her boyfriend could have another girlfriend, Clare. The simple truth was I wanted to have two girlfriends.

I didn’t want to give either up, I rather risk losing one or even both!

“You know that I love you,” Sarah suddenly whispered. It was the first time she had spoken since we left her parents place and more importantly, used the L-word with me. Sarah’s words were more of a statement than a question, but they were the words I so desperately wanted to hear. I pulled her close.

She then added, “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”

I looked down into her red watery eyes and whispered back.

“I know you do,” and with those tender words, we both melted further into each other’s arms, neither wanting to be the first to break our loving cuddle. 

After a few minutes, I suggested we sit and talk a little, and that we both needed to talk. We cuddled up together on the wooden bench, but no words were spoken. We just took in the scenic view.

The minutes crept by as we sat there on the hilltop, our bodies pulled close looking at the view that stretched across the large forest below us and towards Clare’s house which lay well beyond the horizon. To those passing by, we looked like a young couple in love, taking the last hour of the setting sun.

Sarah looked at me and said, “Tell me about Clare, I feel I need to know something about her, especially if I going to meet her.”

Those words made my heart leap; there was a glimmer of real hope.

I knew I had to be careful when I answered Sarah so I took my time and I carried on holding her hand. The extra touch was helping me in understanding her thoughts and it was linking us; I so much needed us to stay physically connected. I needed my Sarah.

“Clare lives with her family on the edge of the big city, about twenty-five miles from where we sit now. She is like you, eighteen, and the oldest, though she has three siblings, a sister and two brothers, the youngest the same age as Gary.”

“Just like you Sarah, Clare is very beautiful though dark-haired.” 

Sarah squeezed my hand which I took as a positive message, so I carried on.

“When we were together yesterday she asked me to take a photo of her so that I can show it to you. She also wants to meet you when you are ready.”

As I said this I knew I was stretching the truth a little, though Clare had hinted that she wanted to meet Sarah at some point.

“Does she know about me?” Sarah asked.

“Only that you are my long-term girlfriend and that you are very beautiful and most importantly, that I love you,” Sarah remained neutral, so I bravely added.

“Clare also said that I should not give you up for her. She is happy that you are my girlfriend, that I am shared between the two of you. She wants to be your friend. She doesn’t see herself as your rival.”

After I had finished talking, we just sat there in silence, hand in hand, looking into the tree-topped distance. My thoughts were staying with me as I waited for Sarah to say something, anything.

Again I knew I had been stretching the truth a little with what I had just said but it was true that Clare was happy that I already had a girlfriend, though she had hardly asked me anything about Sarah, preferring to wait until they met. 

The truth was Clare had other distractions and she was comfortable with how things were. She didn’t need or perhaps even want a steady boyfriend. It was more me wanting her!

Clare certainly was not ready to go straight into another monogamish long-term relationship, but she also knew that she would need to leave Alan soon if she was going to, and hopefully commit more to me. For now, he was just a convenient sex toy that offered a warm, cheap, safe place she could stay overnight; Clare’s safety net.

We sat there in silence. I was letting Sarah take in what I had just said. It was important that she did and understood but my mind was drifting to an area where I needed to tread just as carefully. It was our future sex life; I needed to bring that topic into this already potentially explosive conversation.

The truth was it was not only her looks that greatly attracted me to Clare, it was also her demeanour, the way she dressed and acted. She was somewhat slutty but I liked that about her.

When you are twenty-two you do think a lot about sex and in truth, when I thought deeply about it, Clare and Sarah seemed behind the surface, behind Sarah’s protective shell, very similar in their character makeup. Like me, they both greatly enjoyed sex but the similarity stopped once you got past that cardinal fact.

Clare is a sensual girl with lots of layers to her. At eighteen, she has already had many partners and has regularly cheated on her unknowing boyfriend. She has already sexually experimented, most of which, but not all, I now believed that I knew about. As for those unknown dalliances, I was sure with time, I would hear about them. We just seemed to have that natural connection. 

Clare and I think very similarly when it comes to sex. We like risky sex, and female exhibitionism. I just had my first experience with a voyeur and in the future, l thought we would be doing a lot of experimenting which could even possibly, involve others.

The only big difference between me and Clare, and which I only found out for certain yesterday, is that Clare is very bisexual and that is something I certainly wasn’t. 

If you want to label me, I liked to think I was an alpha male who did not mind sharing his girlfriends with others. These days I believe that is called a Stag but back in 1987, I had no idea. Then I did not even know if there were others like me.

The simple truth was, I prefer slutty girls. I wanted Sarah to be more like Clare and I whisper it, Clare to be a little more like Sarah.

It was only as that last thought went through my head that Sarah broke the silence.

“Do you love Clare?”

That question jolted me and brought me back to my senses as I knew it was loaded. But it was also one I thought might arise and I had already prepared my answer. I was not going to lie, but as I spoke, my outer calmness did not reflect my inner turmoil.

“As you know Sarah, I briefly met Clare four years ago. She was only fourteen and I was eighteen. It was only a fleeting conversation on a beach, but I have always remembered it.”

“Then by chance, we met again last month in Majorca. We just happened to glance at each other in a nightclub and we both instantly remembered that meeting. There was still a connection but I'm not sure you could call it love.”

I paused. I was giving Sarah time to digest, and then she squeezed my hand and it gave me encouragement to carry on, calmly, and softly. Every world analysed before it left my lips.

“You have to remember that Clare is in a relationship and has been for the last eighteen months. She tells me that she does not love him and will probably leave him very soon, but when that happens, it is very unlikely that she would want a long-term monogamous relationship with me. She wants some freedom, some fun, she wants to date others and sexually experiment.”

I paused again, waiting for the squeeze of my hand, my signal to carry on. I wanted, needed, Sarah to grasp all that I had said before I uttered another word.

A gentle squeeze came on my hand.

“I told her that I would be okay with that and she could still be my girlfriend. I also said that I would need to talk to you Sarah, as there are now three of us in this relationship.”

I stopped and still holding her hand I looked at Sarah. I knew I was giving her a lot of emotional information and I wanted her to process it all before I continued. I also knew that once again I was pushing Sarah, testing her boundaries and in doing that, again risking our relationship together.

I squeezed her hand to reassure her before, and after a pause, I carried on.

“Clare does want me to be her boyfriend and you to be her girlfriend and I am pleased that she does. She also does still feel that connection with me but she has never said the L-word to me, though I have to admit, I have said it to her.”

Sarah stopped me, “What do you mean she wants me to be her girlfriend?”

I had to inwardly smile, I had just admitted to Sarah that I had told Clare that I loved her yet Sarah was more worried about the slight implication that Clare might want to have sex with her.

I had no intention of telling Sarah that Clare was bisexual as that information would have to come from Clare.

“Clare just wants you to be a best friend, but if you want to have sex with her then I am fine with that as well.”

I received a not-so-gentle nudge for being an ass, but it did help break the current tension. I even had a little chuckle which caused Sarah to smile as she thought about it a little more.

“So,” Sarah remarked. “Clare has a boyfriend, and is slutty.”

I interrupted, “Sensual.”

“Sensual then, and wants to experiment with other partners when she becomes your girlfriend and does that mean you will be experimenting with these new partners too?”

Sarah strongly emphasised the, you.

“Not me,” I quickly said, slightly cutting Sarah short as I wanted to make that point clear.

I then clarified.

“I am not saying I would never want to have sex with other girls but there are two girls who I love and cherish. It's only these two beautiful ladies that I want to have a relationship with and want to have sex with but I accept that those same two ladies now have the freedom to sleep with other people.”

“People?” Sarah questioned.

“I can sleep with others?” Sarah then forcefully added.

“Yes, with other men. Or if you want to really experiment, other women.”

I felt Sarah looking at me, taking in what I just had said. The next question I thought she was going to ask was, does Clare sleep with other women?

But it never came.

Instead, she went back into her shell and we just sat there, contemplating.

It was now all out in the open and I waited for Sarah to say something as we continue sitting there in silence and taking in the view. The sun was now beginning to sink towards the tree-lined horizon but to me, it felt like we had all the time in the world.

I must admit that the thought of Sarah sleeping with others was getting me a little sexually excited, but the thought was one thing, doing it was another. There was also a lot of anxiety in me which I did my very best not to show. Today, it was much more important to me that I concentrated on saying the right things to Sarah and most importantly listened to what she had to say. 

I was feeling that it had gone much better than I expected and it looked as if Sarah would meet Clare. But I also knew there would be more conversations like this and though things looked positive now, they could so easily slide backwards and into oblivion.

Our silence was broken by a sudden burst of words from Sarah.

“So you would like me to dress so I am available, flirt with other guys and then have sex with them?” 

There it was, another big question, direct and to the point and I had suspected that it was coming, though; I was a little surprised that it had come up so quickly.

I answered with, “Yes, Yes and maybe but only if I am there and say it okay, as there will be rules. After all, I am your boyfriend and I do love and care about you.” 

I knew giving Sarah her sexual freedom was the price I would have to pay to have Clare as girlfriend number two.

Sarah slipped back into silence. She was computing what I had just said, our conversation having temporarily moved away from Clare.

This conversation is the one had I been thinking of having with Sarah for some weeks. Well, maybe not the sleeping with other men part. But meeting Clare and then realising that I loved Sarah had increased my desire in seeking to encourage Sarah to be more sexually adventurous. Though I wasn’t sure I wanted to go as far as to actually share Sarah. I just wanted both my girls to be hot girlfriends.

“There is one more thing,” I firmly added, after a short pause.

“This one is perhaps the most important. What I cannot accept is anything going on behind my back. It all got to be out in the open, so communication is everything. We need to stay safe and look after one another, hopefully in an equal three-way relationship.”

I then put my arm around Sarah and pulled her close. It was a loving cuddle, I had said all I had wanted to say and it was now time for Sarah to process the information. I had no idea how long that would take, if ever.

Sarah looked at me and then pulled me close before kissing me.

“Thank you for being so open and honest with me. I know I should be pissed off with you but I cannot be. I love you too much even if I have to share you. But I should perhaps warn you, there is a big part of me that wants to be more…”

“Sensual.”

I looked at Sarah and was about to ask, what did she exactly mean but Sarah stopped me. Her hand had risen to cover my mouth.

Sarah then softly said, “Please give me some time to think about what you just said to me. We can then talk again.”

With those words, my big question stayed with me as we cuddled hard and smiled at each other. We were still boyfriend and girlfriend.

Then a few seconds later Sarah said as though she had a eureka moment.

“What do we tell our parents?” and with that remark, we both started to laugh. The last of the tension had almost unnoticed, ebbed away.

“I have no idea, but I think it might be best to keep Clare our secret, as I want the world to know that you are very much my girlfriend, Sarah.”

Sarah smiled and pulled me close, our thoughts still with us as we watched the sun rest on those distant horizon trees and then flicker as it waved goodbye to us. It was the close of another day and the start of the warm summer night, but also the start of a new type of relationship, a relationship with Sarah, which now included Clare.  

Later, after we had made slow, sensual, love to one another in the car I reminded Sarah to look through the holiday brochures. Try to pick two or three holidays as that way, when we go to the travel agent this Friday we will have a good starting point for booking one. 

Sarah, of course, wanted me to help her pick but I said no, “You choose and I pay for it. Please do not worry too much about the cost as we go through your choices but please pick the holiday you want. My only criteria are; it has to be hotter than here, and have a sandy beach and nightlife.” 

I then deliberately added with a grin a very cheesy and corny line, “All I want from the holiday is to be with you.”

I expected a nudge but instead received an extra big wet kiss. We were connecting again.

As I dropped a very much happier Sarah off at her parent’s home she turned and kissed me. Then move closer and whispered in my ear.

“I have not forgotten that you told another woman that you loved her.”

Then with a wide grin and an extra wiggle of her bottom. She was gone. Safely home.

All I thought as I sat there in my car grinning. That was the same sort of thing Clare would say!

I knew I was lucky to have these two women in my life and I just hoped, that long may it be so.

*****

Moving forward, I knew I needed to reorganise my life if I wanted to both keep and spend some quality time with Clare and Sarah. Renting a flat near my workplace, which wasn’t far from Sarah’s home, would help, but that was still in the future and at the moment I had no idea how long it would take for that to happen.

On Wednesdays, I would normally be at football training but now instead I went for a run and then phoned both Sarah and Clare. I had decided Wednesdays would generally be the only night I spent at home, a night to recharge my batteries or a night to spend with my mates as I had begun to realise I was already neglecting them.

Until I got my flat I planned on spending Thursdays with Clare, then the weekend with Sarah before Monday with Clare and Tuesday with Sarah. It felt as if I was on an emotional rollercoaster. One of my own making and one that I didn’t want to get off.

Sarah was beginning to accept Clare, I hoped that there were signs that both ladies would accept me having two girlfriends and together, we might just have a chance in a three-way relationship.

With the flat, in my mind, I was hoping Sarah could be with me most nights, though I had not said anything to her especially as our future together was still a little uncertain, but I was hopeful.

My phone call on that Wednesday night with Sarah was straightforward, with no mention of yesterday’s conversation. We chatted about her day at work, my day at work and the holiday though she had not yet picked out any. She seemed excited, as was I.

I had never taken a girlfriend on holiday before as I had never had one to take!

I said that I pick her up from work at one pm on Friday and do not expect to get home until late as we go shopping and then we go out somewhere. I was already looking forward to seeing her. The truth was I now realised just how much I did love her. Though, I still did not understand why I had not seen that earlier in our relationship, before Majorca, before Clare.

I then phoned Clare, she was waiting for my call. That pleased me, as I never knew who would pick up the phone in her house. There had already been a few issues where I found it difficult to explain who I was to her mum.

Clare surprised me by saying please pick me up at my house as my mum wants to meet you. I thought, oh shit, as I did not want any drama but of course, I said, “Okay, I see you at six-fifteen tomorrow but what do I say to your mum?”

“Just say that we are friends,” Clare giggled. “That is all she needs to know for now.”

We then talked a little about our days, small talk, but I finished the call by asking, “Do you want Brenda’s phone number and address?” 

Clare said no but we talk tomorrow when we are alone. I got the message. Her mum was hovering again and trying to eavesdrop on our private conversation. So with that, we hung up.

I thought about what Clare had said, “My mum wants to meet you” and I got a distinct feeling Clare was pleased that I was going to meet her mum, but that raised a question in my head.

Was meeting Clare’s mum, a good thing?

*****

That night as I lay in bed, that short moment before sleep takes you, I reflected. I now almost had two official girlfriends.

There was Sarah who was beautiful, tall, and fairly large-chested at D cups with deep blue eyes and natural blonde hair, a sexy body that men would fight over if she showed it off. She is also loving and faithful but I also sensed she was also ready to break out and become the sexy hot woman that all men would drawl over.

That was something I dearly wanted. I was looking forward to helping make that happen, in a way she needed a bit of Clare in her and maybe if the two became friends instead of rivals, that could happen.

Then there was Clare who was stunning, and had brown hair but with red and a few natural blonde streaks in it as well. That was unique. She was also tall, and very sexy, with a sexy, slightly curvy body. 

She had no problem attracting attention from men and women, a natural flirt. She was also a serial cheater and admitted to liking sex and lots of it. She still had a boyfriend, Alan. So that made me currently, only boyfriend number two.

Then there was the latest surprise, she was bisexual. She had a long-term girlfriend Jaz and potentially another Brenda, a bull dyke that was in her mid-forties and wanted to make Clare her girlfriend.

Sarah and Clare, I realised that I loved both of these women but could I cope with having two girlfriends?

I slept well that night…

After all, I was exhausted!