"Fuck... Oh my God, Yes!" Louise sits upon my lap, head resting back against my chest, moaning as we make love. "Matt... I'm going to..."

"No, not yet... Wait." Her hands bracing against my abdomen grip tighter as she holds off, still grinding over my cock while my fingers hover away from her clit. "Good girl... Just breathe and slow down."

Ever since I've known Louise, she's been some kind of sex-crazed minx, but now within the second trimester at sixteen weeks, that appetite has grown exponentially, unlike anything I'd anticipated. But, I've done my utmost to feed her raging hunger. Day and night, I've dropped everything to give her exactly what she wants, wherever she wants it, becoming nothing but a tool to her whims. Yet, I'm starting to need more than this.

I'm craving something other than the intimacy of sex.

And at first, I thought she wanted that too, with Tantric sex being her new fascination. When she suggested it a week ago, I was immediately drawn to the idea of strengthening our bond to create a harmonious, profound understanding of each other. God knows how much we needed it with us, almost forced together by our circumstances. Still, today shows that Louise completely missed the point, despite all the research she'd thrown my way.

Sex isn't the end goal.

"Matt... I'm really close... Please, just fuck me harder..."

"Not yet..." My fingertips brush over her nipples as I inhale the scent of rose oil on her skin, deeply breathing as I slow myself. "I need to hold you... Love you..."

Barely moving, I stroke every inch of her breasts, tasting the salt of fresh perspiration at the nape of her neck as I revere her very being with my mouth. My own need to be sated grows, but I continue my appreciation, holding off to discover complete fulfilment in my devotion to her. This has been my first chance to spend quality time with her since eight weeks ago, and I'll take anything I can to be nearer to her.

My lips trail over Louise's shoulder blades to her neck as I adore her, embracing the warmth of her skin and the sound of her heart as we remain entwined as one. My palm now slides over her stomach, caressing the new life we're bringing into this world, the initial fears long gone. My love for Louise is instinctual, an obsessive need to protect the person I have a duty to and our baby growing within her. And I'm sure, given time, it will mature into something more, surpassing my complicated feelings for Justin that will never come to fruition.

This weekend, I intend to ask for her hand in marriage.

The sound of early spring, robins and song thrushes calling for their mates spills through my opened window as I slowly make love to her. Louise's quiet, even breath matching mine keeps me in the present as I nuzzle against her soft, curled hair, enjoying our closeness. With my cock buried deep within her, cervix rubbing deliciously against my glans, every single twitch and shift of her body is absorbed into me. 

"I need you to touch me..." Louise's own restraint slips, and her fingers slide between her thighs. Then with a firm, tugging grasp around my balls and her lips at my ear, she urges me to give in to lust as she moans out my name. "Matthew... Matthew... Cum for me, baby."

The final moment is ruined as I'm rushed to join her at the finish line, skipping the gradual build-up I've been working on for the past two hours. With my palm now resting on her pubis as I massage her clitoris between my fingers, she rides me hard as her body shudders and contracts violently around my member, her toes curling as she cums.

"Ah, Babe, wait... Fuck... I can't..."

Leaning back on my forearms, with my eyes scrunched tight, I'm unable to stop my own orgasm, and in a flash, I ejaculate, the climax fizzling out less spectacular than I'd hoped. It's not the gentle, shared experience she'd sold to me, and as I watch her blowing out the aromatherapy candles I splurged on, I realise she has no intention to return the sensual, full-body massages I'd given her.

Returning to kneel between my legs, Louise's green eyes almost glitter with excitement. "So, what did you think? Wasn't that the best sex of your life?"

For you maybe? The words to tell her exactly what I think are at the tip of my tongue, but I hold off. Enraging the mama bear is definitely not worth it, even if I do feel cheated. 

"It was incredible, baby. What did I do to deserve an amazing woman like you in my life?" With my hand resting on her chin, I lean into her, and our swollen lips meet fervently as I roll her onto her back, switching positions. "Give me a moment, and I think I'll be able to go for another round."

"As much as I hate to say it, we should think about heading in," she whispers, caressing my cheek. "But five more minutes surely won't hurt."

"I assure you, with my stamina, I'll definitely be lasting more than five," I tease, affectionately brushing my nose against hers. "Aren't you glad I let you talk me into training for this cross-country next month? So, will you be quietly cheering me on, or will I have the pleasure of your presence at the finish line when I take the gold?"

"Actually, whether you win or not, I may have a little surprise to show you instead. I'm booked in for my scan that morning."

"Maybe I could come with you?" I respond, stunned by the speed it's coming around. "I'll skip the race-"

"No, I'm taking my mum, Matt. I figured with her struggling to accept this, it would be good for her to come with me. I hope you understand, but she's been really stressed out recently, and it might help her bond with her grandkid."

I can only nod as I try to not show my disappointment, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't expect it and that it didn't upset me. I've been kept at a distance for the past month, only allowed moments with Louise on her terms for fear of our relationship coming to light. I've missed so much I want to be a part of, including the maternity appointments.

"Well, anyway, I was hoping that maybe you'll let me take you out for dinner this Saturday? I've managed to book the entire weekend off work with my Dad-"

Crossing her arms, she instantly shuts me down like countless times before. "Matt, we've been over this. My parents won't let me, and I'm swamped with assignments. I just don't have the time."

"But you also turned me down for a date on Valentine's Day. Just once, I'd like us to have the chance to discuss more about our relationship and our plans for the future. I can't remember when we last had quality time together."

"Let's not do this." With a brisk shove to the chest, she coldly shrugs me off, then pulls on my dressing gown. Like a switch has been flicked, she becomes avoidant, demonstrating the dynamics of our relationship to me yet again. "I need to shower. It's already ten, and I need to speak to Mrs Larsen about my Art exam."

"Do you love me?" I blurt out, now feeling discarded by her frosty behaviour. "I haven't heard you say it once, ever."

Pausing in her tracks, she spins around to face me, her attitude quickly becoming confrontational. "What kind of ridiculous question is that? I'm seeing you behind my parents' backs so we can still be together! Don't forget this is all your fault because you couldn't keep your dick in your pants and fucked half the girls in our year, plus some."

"That's a gross exaggeration, Louise, and I can't believe that's how little you think of me. Where would I have found the time for a start?"

"The thing is, Matt, I don't know what to think. I'm just very aware that you get bored quickly and never stay with one girl for long. You even fucked your last girlfriend with your best mate, then dumped her a week later."

"That's not fair when she was the one who suggested it! Look, I've always held my hands up to my mistakes, but I'm serious about you and committed to our family. Surely, the five months we've been together count for something, babe?"

"I don't think you are serious. You certainly haven't shown me you are by getting your act together. So, will you drop me off at sixth form like you promised, or do I need to walk myself in?"

"Don't do this," I reply, shaken by her ferocity towards me over something so trivial. "You're always doing this turning it back on me, Louise. Why can't you just be honest when I only asked you a simple question? Just tell me if you don't, so I know where I stand."

Instead of having a shower like planned, she starts dressing, her hands now shaking in anger at my line of questioning. "I haven't got time for this-"

"You never have time for this! Why am I always getting that excuse from you when I desperately want to discuss how we can move forward? I just want us to try acting like a regular couple and talk about our problems, but you're shutting down on me again. You're being unfair, and I'm not happy, Louise."

"I've just spent two hours with you!"

"And you're making me feel like you wished you hadn't! It's only ever about sex with you, and I'm tired of it. You don't even look at me at sixth form. I can be sitting a metre away from you, and it's like I don't exist despite the fact we're having a kid together in July. I'm lonely, and I'm starting to wonder if you ever actually liked me or if you're only with me until someone better comes along."

"You're sounding really needy, Matthew. I'm sorry I don't want to throw myself at you constantly like your ex did, but I've got more important things to get on with than walking around holding your hand. My life doesn't revolve around you like some dutiful housewife. Now, I've got to go. You obviously don't give a shit about passing your exams or having a career, but not all of us have the luxury of being handed a job through our parents."

"I've already said I'll drive you in. But, please, just give me a chance to talk with you. I can't cope with not knowing how you feel about me. Am I your boyfriend or not? Do you actually like me, or is this only, you know, sexual? Just answer that. It's not a hard question."

"Forget the ride," she replies, now side-stepping around me to head out my bedroom door. "I need some space away from you. Speak to me when you've decided to stop acting so fucking childish."

-----

I'm still feeling low as I sit in my Science class an hour later, staring at the back of Louise's head. This relationship is doomed. From the start, it was built on rocky foundations with me using Louise to distract me from my feelings for Justin. And her using me to get back at her sister and boost her confidence while scratching an itch. She'd have ditched me long ago if it wasn't for her pregnancy, but now she's clearly considering it. I can feel it in my stomach, and if my sense of duty wasn't beaten into me by my Father, I'd probably be thinking the same. But only Louise can choose to end this.

Lost in these compulsive thoughts, my finger traces repetitively over the cruel words scratched into my desk. "Matt Lewis should die."

I found it here two weeks ago, clearly left by someone who knew this was my assigned desk. Ever since Ashleigh's pathetic stunt, I have been harassed daily with my locker being vandalised and now my desk in every one of my lessons. Post-it notes calling me a deadbeat, telling me I'm scum, and other things I can't bear to repeat. It would be enough to bring most people down, but I've remained strong, taking it all to lessen Louise's load, thinking it wouldn't be long until I'm exonerated. That day now seems further away than ever, and those hateful words are starting to slip through the cracks.

Pushing my textbooks away and the intrusive thoughts threatening to surface, I unzip my backpack and retrieve the ring box I'd stowed away. I've been carrying it around for a week, waiting for a romantic moment to pop the question, but I'm now running out of time and chances with the baby due in five months. She was right that I hadn't demonstrated any signs of growing up, and maybe it's a genuine proposal she's been waiting for.

The lesson ends, and quickly gathering up my books, I dash after Louise, squeezing past the others filtering off to lunch. From the sideways glances my way, I know I'm going to attract an audience if I do it here, but that's the least of my concerns when I feel like I'm losing her.

"Hey, Louise. Could you just hold up for a second?" I call out along the corridor as I fall further behind in the crowd. "I need to speak to you about something, Louise."

But she doesn't hear me amongst the noise and instead turns into the cafeteria with Sadie, leaving me behind in the throng.

I finally sit down to eat ten minutes later, and my eyes scan over those chatting and quickly settle on Louise sitting alone at a bench a few meters away. Her kinked, curled hair is the only sweet reminder of our early morning love-making, although her messy bangs frame fierce green eyes glaring back at me. Giving her a sheepish grin, I remove my phone from my pocket and tap out a quick message.

"I'm sorry I was a fool this morning. Please let me know what I can do to make it up to you?"

I shouldn't have to take the entire blame for our argument, but her sullen expression turns to a smile as she reads my text. If she meets me somewhere private under the guise of receiving a sincere apology, then it'll be easier to ask her.

"You're lucky you're cute. Meet me at your car in ten, and you can apologise with that tongue of yours."

Ripping my eyes from my phone, I loosen my tie, followed by several of my shirt buttons, and watch as a flush defuses over her cheeks. The way to placate her is too predictable, and despite being riled up by my feelings being trampled on, I've realised it's not worth losing her over. Maybe, I shouldn't have backed her into a corner and just let it lie. 

"Can I apologise with more than that? The things I want to do with you..."

"Matt, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Just warming her up..." I reply without a second thought.

"You're still fucking her, aren't you?" Slamming his tray on the table, Justin startles me to attention, then elbows me to move over. "When will you wake up and see she doesn't care about you?"

Heat rushes to my head as I realise he's read our conversation over my shoulder, but I sip from my water bottle, planning to play it cool. "I know what I'm doing. It's not like she's going to get hurt."

"You're going to get hurt, and you can't keep running after her like this. All you gotta do is tell her you're not sleeping with her if you're not together."

"Does it matter if we're not officially together? It's only sex," I sigh, resting my head in my hand as I attempt to lie about my feelings. "Now, why don't we discuss your tragic love life? I haven't seen you around with Rachel recently."

"Why are you turning this on me when I'm trying to help you?" he says, shaking his head in disbelief. Then with his tone turning sardonic, he lays it into me, not holding back the punches. "She's hiding the fact you're still seeing each other because she's embarrassed by you... Can you believe that? Embarrassed by you! And I'm guilty by association, so if you must know, Rach ditched me because of you. A year ago, these girls fought for our attention to get us into bed, but now... I can't remember how long it's been since I last got laid. We're in our prime and should be out there partying, but that's all dried up since you... I'm just saying your pullout game is weak, as fuck, man."

"Weak? Try non-existent, mate. I was so fucking tired and drunk I didn't even think about it, but that's no excuse. Things have changed, Justin and being known as the guys who fuck and play hard is why we're in this mess. Everyone's growing up, and we're being left behind, so it's on us to do something about it," I respond, skirting around his remark about Louise's pregnancy. "I've only got a job because my Dad gave it to me. And Louise's parents think I'm a loser and drugged up when I haven't even touched weed in five months. This is all because I took the rap for that baggie you dropped in the locker rooms last summer."

"I didn't tell you to do that!"

"Yeah, well, you had other stuff stashed in your locker, didn't you? You're my best mate, so it was worth it, even if the strip search fucking sucked. But, seriously, we need to get our heads down and forget about everything else for now."

"How did you know about-"

Suddenly, I'm distracted by another student sitting opposite Louise, and she takes a sip from his drink without any hesitance as they chat. I don't recognise him, and as they laugh together, her gaze flickers back to me as if in a challenge. I know she's testing my patience and obedience to her imposed rules to punish me for our argument, but I cannot keep a lid on my jealousy rising up. Today is not the day for it, and shoving my tray away harder than intended as I get to my feet, it clatters onto the floor. 

"I'm not hungry..."

Reaching out to my wrist, Justin attempts to calm me, giving me a moment to pause. "Matt, he's probably just a classmate. Don't do something you'll regret... Just leave it."

But I'm past the point of calming and ignoring Justin, I leave my seat to directly approach her, my anger simmering close to a boiling point. As I cross the room, the noise of the mindless chatter around us quietens as my actions become noticed, but it no longer matters to me. The secrecy surrounding our relationship needs to end for good. I don't give a fuck if she's flirting with him or not. I just want to tear this other man away from the seat where I should be sitting. 

"We need to talk, Louise. I suggest we take this outside, but I'll do this here if I have to. Your choice."

"What do y-you think you're doing?" she stammers, her smile wiped from her face as she glances anxiously around for her sister. "I was only playing, Matthew... You didn't seriously think I'd-"

"Tell me what I need to do to make you mine? You're so hot then cold with me, and I can't handle it. I want to feel loved by you." Skimming downwards from her face as she stands up, my eyes linger over her breasts and curvaceous hips, several dirty thoughts now coursing through my mind. "Skip the car, we should go back to my house. This morning wasn't enough, and we have something to discuss."

Louise shakes her head, becoming nervous under the growing, unwanted attention focussed on her. "We can't do this now, Matt. If Ashleigh finds out about this, she'll tell our parents. I'll call you later, okay?"

Then, collecting her bag, she abandons her lunch and exits onto the foyer with me closely pursuing her. I don't care much for an audience, but I'm determined to make this official and end our ridiculous farce.

"You were right earlier, Louise. I haven't shown you any indication that I can be mature and dependable. Well, I'm here to tell you that I am ready to take our relationship further, and it's something that's been weighing on my mind this past month."

"What the hell are you talking about?" she snaps as I reach out for her hand.

Abruptly, she tugs away, and as she stops, turning to confront me, I get down on one knee, hopefully presenting the box to her. "Louise Turner, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife? I promise I'll always be faithful to you, cherish you and love only you until my dying breath."

In my head, I thought this would be a sure winner, almost romantic in the heat of the moment, but Louise gapes back, horrified as the others murmur at the car crash unfolding before them. Given an ultimatum like this, I hoped she'll say yes, but I think I've misread something somewhere. "Oh no... Matthew, you can't be serious?"

"I've never been this serious about anything in my life. Please believe me. I love you, and it's driving me crazy to not be with you."

Taking the box, she scrutinises the simple solitaire diamond ring as if judging my sincerity by it. "I can't give you an answer right now. There's so much I need to consider. I mean, marriage is so final... and with you?"

'...And with you?' What the fuck is that supposed to mean?'

My hands clasp over Louise's as I regretfully get to my feet. I should have tried to buy her a better one, but I'm reeling by her last words as those around us start jeering at me. I may as well have been rejected. "Okay. I get it. I'll give you some space to think this over."

-----

It's now March, nearly two months since the bombshell had struck, and despite attempting to keep my head down, I'm still public enemy number one. Louise still hasn't given me her answer to my proposal, and the days have slowly turned to weeks without a word passing between us. To everybody, it appeared I had been declined outright, which would have been easier in retrospect. Still, I haven't totally given up hope, and I've patiently waited on the sidelines for her to be ready.

The morning of the run arrives, and I still compete, attempting to prove to Louise that I can do anything I put my mind to. That I'm not a complete waste of space and can excel when given a chance. However, only my maths teacher cheers for me as I cross the finish line at a respectable fifty-one minutes, a minute ahead of my closest competitor, Shaun, after an arduous traipse through the Kent countryside.

She didn't even meet me at the finish.

"Well done, Matthew! Just what I wanted to see," Mr Davies says, clapping me on the back as I fall to my knees, exhausted from the final push.

Panting as I try to catch my breath, I can only manage a few words while searching for Louise's face amongst the crowd. "Is Louise here? I thought... she'd be here... but I can't see her."

He shakes his head, appearing apologetic as he offers his hand to me to help me back on my feet. "I haven't seen her all morning. Go get cleaned up, and I'll let her know you're looking for her when I see her."

"No, I'll wait here a bit and see if she comes to me. I've decided to take your advice, Sir."

"Good lad," he smiles, patting me on the back again. "I hope to see more of this attitude in class later."

I head into the changing rooms twenty minutes later, and despite the gold medal now dangling from my neck, I don't feel like a winner. I've been the butt of every joke for a month, ridiculed for being rejected in front of the entire sixth form, to Ashleigh's glee. But stupidly, I'd imagined she'd greet me at the finish today, wrap her arms around my body and kiss me, telling me I'd also finally won her heart.

I should get the hint.

Alone with Justin, who finished dead-last after stopping to have a smoke, I peel off my sweat-drenched kit and walk into the showers to join him. With his back towards me, it's hard to not glimpse his shaped, firm arse as I enter, but my gaze respectfully doesn't linger. My affection for him must remain purer than that unless he wants it.

"I can't believe you bastards both left me behind," he says, shutting off the water before facing me. "And I ruined my best pair of trainers. By the way, you're not working tonight, are you? Someone at work told me about a bar we should check out. They're putting on live bands, so we might be able to get a gig?"

"A gig when I only got my cast off two days ago?" I laugh with disbelief at his optimism. "You're gonna need to find someone else, I'm afraid. Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm in the mood to be out drinking yet. Louise still isn't talking to me-"

"Oh, come on. You can't wait around forever like this. Look at ya, Matt," he says, gesturing to my body while I soap up. "You can get anyone you want if you put yourself out there. I hate to see you moping like this, acting all pious like a celibate monk. All you do is work. When was the last time you enjoyed yourself or got off?"

"Got off?" It's true I've remained abstinent for a month which has been a shock to my system, but the thought of trying to move on, again, before I'm ready is out of the question. I don't want another rebound like Louise. "What I want isn't out at a club, Justin. I can't have it, and it's tearing me up inside, knowing I can't do anything about it even when it's in front of me. I'm not interested in meaningless sex anymore, and if I can't be with Louise, then I'm done."

"But, you don't love, Louise! She knows you're going to keep waiting around for her, and until you stop doing it, she will continue playing you for a fool," he replies without sparing my feelings. "I'm not saying this to be cruel, but the moment she learns she doesn't own you, she'll be forced to properly give you an answer. So, you need to go out, play the field and make her jealous a bit. That's what I'd do."

As I stare at him, realising my intent went straight over his head, I'm tortuously aware of the proximity of his glistening athletic body. I'm so far in the life-long childhood-friend zone that he didn't consider I wasn't actually talking about her. My love life is a complete joke, torn between loving someone who'll always remain unobtainable and my responsibility to Louise, regardless of whether she takes me back. I'm loath to further complicate it by bringing another into this mess.

"Are you done? Or are you going to continue standing there with your cock out, acting like a bellend?" Turning the water back on with a sigh, I finish showering off the suds, but I don't hear Justin leave as he grabs his towel. Instead, he snaps it against my right arsecheek, stinging me with the tip. "You fucking prick! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Stop sulking, and come out with me before I do it again." Grinning, he rolls the towel back up and then provokes me further by taking another shot at me, landing it in the same spot.

"I swear If you do that again, I'll make you regret it." Glancing over my shoulder, I watch him completely disregard my warning, and it shoots back out towards me. Before it lands, I make a grab at it and laugh as I easily tug it away from his grip, disarming him instantly. "You know you're in for it now, right? This is about to get serious."

"Come on, I was only playing, Matt. Put it down, okay?" he says, backing away from me into the corner as I stretch out my shoulders. "Someone might walk in and get the wrong idea."

"Well, you should have thought about that first." 

I lick my lips in excitement as I close in on him, and I'm about to repay the favour, aiming for his delectable left buttock, when I'm suddenly aware of footsteps approaching from behind. Spinning around, I unexpectantly come face to face with Louise, standing stiffly in front of us, with her arms folded across her chest. I'm not sure if she wants an explanation as to why she's walked in on two naked men whipping each other in the shower room, but I'm sure as hell not going to try clarifying the situation. 

Although it might be weirder if I don't?

Snatching the towel from me, Justin immediately wraps it around his waist to protect his modesty and snaps at her, "Were you listening to us? You shouldn't be in here."

"I'm sorry, I came at a bad time," she says, glancing from me towards Justin, a spark of curiosity glinting in her eyes. "But, I couldn't find a moment to speak to you personally without the others seeing. I've been waiting by the door for the past ten minutes. Can you give us some privacy, Justin?"

"You can say anything in front of him-"

"Nah, mate. I'll get dressed and wait outside," he replies, giving me a tight-lipped smile as he leaves. "Speak to you in a bit."

A minute awkwardly passes between us as she gives him a chance to change before she finally speaks. "So, I heard you did great. I guess all those months of track helped."

"Yeah, maybe... Actually, my mum used to run, and I'd go with her, well, until she got sick," I volunteer, stalling for time on why she's really here as I begin to dry off. "I'm trying to turn over a new leaf-"

"Anyway, I thought you deserved to know our baby is healthy," she interrupts me as she rummages through her rucksack. Then removing a white envelope, she hands it over to me. "Here's your copy of the scan photos."

"That's great news! Did you find out the gender, or are we keeping that as a surprise?" I say, smiling as I open the envelope. "How are you? Is there anything I can do-"

"I also need to tell you we're not getting back together, Matt." This time she's unable to look me in the eye as she hands me back the ring box I left with her. "I thought about it, then spoke to my mum this morning about your proposal. After everything Ashleigh said about you, she said they'll disown me if I choose to be with you, and then I'll have nowhere to stay."

"So is that it then? You're ditching me because your parents told you to? Do you know how pathetic that sounds?" I respond, striving to not raise my voice to her. "You're eighteen, Louise. If they kick you out, you'll just move in with me until we can find somewhere to live together. They can't stop you, and you're already halfway through the pregnancy. You can't possibly have enough space where you currently are?"

"We barely know each other, and I can't risk sacrificing what I currently have for a relationship with you. You're not worth losing the support of my family for," she says, her hand caressing her now unmistakable belly between us. "My mum offered to take care of the baby during the day, so I can still go to university."

"You can still study if you're with me. I'll work around your hours and even work nights if I have to. I can't promise that the first couple of years won't be tough, but we can do it together. You know I've already been working for my Father part-time, so we can afford to buy what we need. Why can't you see that I'm trying?"

"Would you honestly be asking me to be with you if I wasn't carrying your child? We both know you only asked me to marry you to ensure your name goes on the birth certificate. That's why you acted so quick. My mum saw right through your plan and explained it to me."

Louise has misunderstood the reason for my proposal when I honestly hoped our relationship would work, but her logic is plausible. I do want parental responsibility, and I've said as much. "Look, don't marry me, but please let me be involved? Let me help you, and if you change your mind about us, we'll be together as a family. I promise I'll give you all the space you need. Just know I'm only ever a phone call away if you need me. I'm begging you to consider it."

"I've already considered it. All these months, it's all I've been able to think of, and I deserve to be with someone capable of staying faithful. Look at what your own parents' marriage was like. How many times did you say your father cheated?" she says, insinuating the worst about me. "Now, I need to go, Matthew, before anyone sees us."

As she starts to walk away, I wrap my towel around my waist to chase after her, unable to accept it. "I have no intention of being anything but committed to you. Tell me what I did wrong to make you act like this towards me? Because I can change and be anything you want me to be-"

"Please just respect my decision, Matthew. You weren't meant to be anything more than a fling, and you're certainly not the kind of father I want for my child."

I'm wounded by her final, barbed remark as she leaves and barely make it out of the changing rooms before I break down from the crushing despair that's been building up all these weeks. The only thing that's been getting me through this has been clinging on to the hope that it would work out alright in the end. I'd come to terms with making the best of a terribly timed situation and thought, if I didn't go looking for it elsewhere like my Father, given time, we'd fall in love again. But I know in my heart that everything she said is true, and it was naive to think we'd be able to get back to where we were.

"That... The moment I saw her, I just knew it," Justin says, attempting to soothe me by wrapping his arm over my shoulder. "I'm really sorry, mate. Truthfully, I mean that."

"All I've done is try my best to give her time to decide what she wants, but she doesn't trust me! How am I supposed to change her mind? My Father is still on at me about a wedding, and I don't know how I'm going to tell him it's never going to happen."

Gently pulling me closer, he tucks my head against his shoulder and holds me firm while I sob into him, unable to stop the tears. "Stop wasting your time on her. We'll have a few drinks, clear your head, and maybe chat to some girls tonight. Let's boost your confidence back up."

It would be easy to misconstrue this tenderness from him, but the boundaries have always been blurred between us. Sharing beds, women, and even being naked around each other. If he felt the same way about me, it would have been simple for these moments to have progressed into something more. "Thanks, Justin. For being my friend."

-----

The bar is a total dive, filled with the foul odour of stale, long spilt beer and a haze of acrid smoke. I haven't had a cigarette for months. Still, the temptation is hard to ignore in a place like this, where the only alcohol available is whatever's on tap or comes in a shot glass. It's the perfect spot to drown my sorrows and forget about my problems, even if it's for one night only.

Or so I initially thought.

In actuality, the moment I shed those tears and got it out of my system, I felt better than I had done in months about Louise. I no longer had to maintain a pretence, thinking I'd fake it until we made it. The worst has now happened, and nothing I do now can change that.

I'd spent ages deciding what to wear tonight before settling on a navy shirt and my best pair of jeans, hoping to fit in, but I shouldn't have bothered. Instead, all I've successfully done is draw more attention to myself, and now standing here at the bar, watching Justin as he flails around a mosh pit to some mediocre post-hardcore band, I'm feeling self-conscious. However, despite this discomfort, we've barely seen each other outside of sixth form with both of us working, so I'm smiling, genuinely glad to be here with him.

It's a good fifteen minutes before he returns to me, with his black hair damp with sweat and his gorgeous brown eyes gleaming with exhilaration, but I don't mind having been kept waiting. In a black form-fitting tee, beaming with joy, my breath catches at the sight of him, and I'm intoxicated by the scent of his gentle yet masculine musk. 

If I'm not cautious with how much I drink tonight, I could make an idiot of myself.

"What do you think? It's a good bar, isn't it? Clearly have some talent playing too."

"Mm-hm..." I respond, not wanting to share my own thoughts on the music. "You seem to be having fun, at least."

"Maybe you should have joined me and released some of that stress you're under." Suddenly frowning, he reaches towards my shirt and then unfastens the buttons at the top. "You need to loosen up. No one is going to approach you if you look so serious. You'll thank me later when you get laid tonight."

"Actually, I've already begun loosening up," I smirk, pushing three sambuca shots his way. "And you need to catch up."

"You're drinking sambuca already? Oh, man, the last time you got that drunk, you stripped off naked and we..." Then, trailing off, he gives me a puzzled look as I raise my own glass to my lips and down it at once. "Didn't you regret that night?"

"I regret a lot of things from that night-" 

Before I can finish answering him, the next band starts playing, and I'm entirely drowned out. So, giving up, I flag down the bartender instead, but I'm not sure what I've ordered, as I'm forced to gesture for our drinks.

Turning back towards him, while he nods his head along to the music with some dubious, murky liquid now in hand, I lean against the bar, studying the profile of his face and contours of his lips. Perhaps tonight should be the night, and once this band ends their set, I should recklessly spill it all to him? I've certainly had enough to feel daring, and if I take anyone back to my bed tonight, it should be him, not someone I have little interest in. I just hope if he turns me down, he'll do it gently, and it won't spell the end of our friendship.

When the band finally finishes their set, his beautiful eyes meet mine, and the tough decision I've been agonising over is made. I should tell him the truth about me.

"I need another drink. What are you having?" he asks, opening his wallet to retrieve a tenner. "More sambuca, or should we end the night early with tequila and get a taxi back to yours?"

"I was thinking that maybe we should quit while we're ahead?" I say, placing my hand on his forearm. "Actually, can we go outside for a bit? It's a little busy, and I want to talk to you about something. See what you think about it..."

"Yeah, in a sec... Although..." Abruptly, he leans forward to whisper into my ear, and the hair on the back of my neck bristles on end. "Don't turn around, but some hot chick behind you is totally checking us out. Maybe we should go over there?"

"What?"

Before I've managed to subtly get a glimpse of who's attracted his attention, he seizes me by the arm and tugs me across the dancefloor. Sitting on her own at a booth with bubblegum pink victory rolls, she stands out amongst everyone else, and I'm fast reminded that he is definitely into women.

She hardly glances up from her phone as Justin loses no time sitting next to her and offers his hand. "My mate here bet me twenty quid that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most gorgeous person in this room. Wanna help me spend his money?"

"Wow... Original. If you're just here to waste my time, then fuck off," she says, surprising me with the lilt of a Scottish accent as she sticks her middle finger up.

Unperturbed, Justin continues flirting with her. "Actually, I noticed our eyes kept meeting over the mosh pit, so I thought we should come to talk to you. I'm Justin, and my mate here is Matt. You wanna swap numbers?"

"Fine. Whatever," she answers, seeming disinterested, although she still hands her phone over to him. "I'm Becka. So, Matt, are you just going to stand there?"

"Yeah, sit down, Matt," he says, not even looking away from her. "He's been caught up on some chick for a while, so he's a little shy."

Put on the spot, I'm given no choice but to perch down on the seat opposite them feeling like the third wheel. Again, I'm left speechless as I watch them immediately relax around each other, with Justin's arm draped along the back of the couch. Confident, bordering on arrogant, he can sometimes come on too strong, but it seems to be working out for him tonight.

This is exactly the way I love to see him.

"I've not seen you here before," she says, her piercing blue eyes dancing between us. "So, Justin, what are you into?"

"Music mostly. Playing drums, skateboarding, and partying," he grins, sounding nonchalant as he ruffles his hand through his messy hair. "You know, getting drunk and stoned? So how comes a beautiful woman like you is sitting here by herself?"

Swirling her drink with her straw, she smiles back. "I was supposed to be out having cocktails, but my mate blew me out last minute for some stupid party. I was feeling a little lonesome..."

"Well, we're going to chill back at Matt's tonight, but you're welcome to join us?" he says, brushing her bottom lip with his thumb. "What d'ya say?"

"Depends if it'll be worth my time?"

As he leans in to make his move, his voice becomes low and seductive. "I promise, it'll definitely be worth your time."

I'm left with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach while they make out in front of me, stupified by the speed he slipped through my fingers. This is the second time I've lost my chance to a woman stealing his attention before I can say something, and I don't think I'll ever catch a break. So, unable to bear seeing them together, I try to turn away, but I'm surprised by a foot brushing against my calf. Then, glancing down as it works upwards, I glimpse a patent black peep-toe stiletto with a six-inch heel and sharply inhale.

Shit.

My resolve to not get involved with anyone else shatters as my hands immediately caress the glossy leather and then grip the heel. With my legs parting, she's given full access to the crotch of my jeans, allowing her to rub the vamp of her shoe against my balls and then my cock as I unzip my fly. This isn't the first time I've risked sexual acts in a club, but the potential of the three of us being seen is incredibly stimulating.

"Do you usually pick women up together?" she murmurs as Justin's hand disappears under her dress. "Or is tonight a first for the both of you?"

"Uh, we didn't think that far ahead," Justin says, floundering as he realises what he's inadvertently set up. "Matt? What do you think?"

As Justin begins to sweat buckets about my reaction because we fought the last time, I can't help but want to see where this leads. "Let's call a taxi?"

-----

Feeling incredibly frustrated by her shoe tormenting me, we instantly return to mine, with Becka continuing to flit between the two of us in the cab back. I'm unsure how far we're prepared to go, but the moment we reach my room, Justin strips off to his boxers and joins the woman kneeling on my bed. The ball on how to proceed is left entirely in my court, and as she asks me to join them, I remove my shirt and climb onto the bed behind her.

Brushing my lips over the nape of her neck, I unzip her navy swing dress, then my jeans. Her hand, already caressing Justin's erection through the material, standing at its full seven inches, then reaches behind and checks out my concealed goods. "It seems I lucked out tonight, boys."

"Yes, you did, babe," Justin whispers as he peels off her nude stockings. "But so did we."

Tugging down the front of her dress, I then unfasten her bra, exposing her breasts to Justin, who suckles hungrily at her pierced nipples while she arches back into my chest and rests her head against my shoulder. I'm already fully aroused as I watch them, but as I knead her breasts in each of my palms, I feel his tongue flicking accidentally over the tips of my fingers.

God, I wish I could be her.

"So, boys, I hope you're not going to leave me disappointed," she teases, sighing as Justin continues lapping over her nipples. "Take them off, and make this a night for us all to remember."

"As long as whatever happens in this room stays between us," Justin says, stating the obvious as I nod in agreement and finish undressing.

I wasn't initially in the mood to become too involved, with Becka not being my type in the slightest, but as I kneel before her, she parts her lips expectantly for me to kiss her while Justin's hand slips between her thighs. My mouth meets hers, and I discover another piercing as our tongues tangle in hunger while she strokes over Justin's cock, then wraps around mine with her other hand.

Softly moaning, she becomes increasingly wet as my own hand cups under and meets Justin's finger-fucking her. Then, spreading her wider with two fingers, we take it in turns to explore inside, becoming rougher at her insistence. "More... then I want to be fucked by both of your cocks."

A masochist?

While Justin frigs her with four fingers, mine lightly caress over her clit, and she gasps against my lips, then breathes deeply to steady herself. "You're naughtier than I expected, Becka. But are you sure you can take both of us?"

"I'm up for the challenge... And you seem to be too... Ah!"

Dirtily, she sucks my lower lip, and her grip that was slowly pumping over me gradually builds momentum. Then, as she finally relinquishes my mouth, I move downwards to indulge in the softness of her petite bosom and erect nipples while Justin takes the opportunity to kiss her.

With a glance down, I see my precum leaking over her fingers and dripping down my shaft before she unexpectantly swaps her hands over, with her palm already wet. I don't know if Justin has realised what she's doing, but she's slick with both of our fluids as she strokes over us in turn, jerking us near to climax.

"You filthy, filthy, girl," I murmur as she offers her fingertips to my mouth, which I tentatively lick. "That's super, fucking naughty..."

With her other hand moving to rest on Justin's shoulder, she urges him downward, so we're both suckling at each of her teats, and Justin's warm naked body presses against my side. I don't know how far she wants to go, but I'm keen to discover Justin's boundaries, and as she starts to nudge us to go down on her, I realise that's what she's doing too. 

As his mouth passes mere centimetres from my own, we make eye contact and tempted by the idea of kissing him, I moisten my lips.

"Maybe you should touch each other and see what happens," she suggests, wrapping her arms around our shoulders. "Or are you a couple already?"

Everything comes to a crashing halt as Justin's face flashes with panic at her words. Then, swallowing nervously, he looks away as his cheeks redden at the thought, shaking his head vigorously. "You want me to touch him? My best friend? No. I can't. That's too much, and Matt's catholic, so he can't do that either."

I knew it.

"I'm not asking you to fuck each other unless you want to... Come on, it'll be fun," she giggles, thinking that might encourage him, but it's no good. His limit is anything involving me.

I cannot take any more, and I back out feeling sick, knowing we've gone too far for his comfort. "Shit... Justin's right. This was a big mistake."

"Matt, you okay?" Justin asks, remorse plastered over his face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen tonight."

"Just give me some space."

Pulling my dressing gown on, I steal a cigarette and lighter from Justin's jacket, then go out into the garden with my phone. 

The night air is brisk as I light up, then lay upon the dewed grass, staring out at the stars, stuck between my need to feel desired, however brief, and doing the right thing. Justin has no interest in me, but if I return, then continue with the woman in my bed, I've also truly given up on Louise and any chance of us making this work as a family.

It's time I put one problem in my life to rest.

"I'm sorry for the stress I've caused you, Louise, and I realise it was stupid of me to think your parents would accept our relationship. I shouldn't have pushed you. Let me know what you'll need for the baby, and I'll send the money over. We can discuss child support and visitation when you're ready, but just know I'm always here for you if you need me. - M"

I'd always imagined break-ups were simple, that you were either in love with someone or you weren't. But my actions tonight have at least helped me with this in-between confused state, and with my thumb hovering momentarily over the send button, I finally press it. I've taken my first step toward moving on, just as Louise wants. My father will probably struggle to accept it, but I can support her from a distance and, given time, co-parent with her amicably.

As I return to my bedroom, my mind now clearer than ever, the weight finally begins to lift off my shoulders. Becka is still awake on my bed when I enter, with Justin now curled up naked and asleep beside her. I can't have been gone for more than half an hour, but she still appears annoyed to have been waiting.

"Your mate fell asleep on me," she pouts, unimpressed by the situation. "I thought he said this would be worth my time?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. He gives it all the talk, but he's a lightweight, really," I respond, pulling the bedcover over him. "I'm afraid you'll have to make do with me, or I'll pay for your taxi home if you want to leave?"

"You love him, don't you?"

Taken aback by her forwardness, I don't know what to say. "We've been friends since preschool, so I care about him. That's all it is."

"Don't give me that bull. I saw the way you were watching him all night... You should talk to him."

I hesitate, unsure whether to trust her with the truth. But as a complete stranger, I don't need to worry about her telling my father or Louise. Admitting it to just one person would feel liberating. "You're not going to tell him, right?"

"No. I don't feel like it's my place to interfere," she says, beckoning me over with her finger to join her. Then taking the initiative as I crawl onto the bed, she parts her legs and guides me with her hands threading through my hair. "But I was rooting for you and did try giving you a chance."

I'm suspicious as I kiss her inner thigh and inhale his scent on her skin. "You did use a condom with him?"

"Of course," she sighs, laying back comfortably against my pillow. "But you're hesitating. Afraid I'm lying so you might taste him?"

"That's the least of my worries. I'd devour the both of you, all the same. It makes zero difference to me."

I truly hoped he'd let us go further than this tonight, with me sucking him clean after he'd spent himself over my cock, dripping down between my crack. But it isn't to be however much I want it. So, spreading Becka's legs wider, my arms wrap under her buttocks and rest on her stomach as I go down on her eagerly, imagining Justin is watching us. 

She moans with pleasure as my tongue twirls in circles over her clit. Then, as she comes undone, I lap up her juices, her cries filling my room while her thighs shudder around me. I'm surprised we haven't woken Justin yet, with the way she writhes upon my sheets, and I chuckle softly at the thought.

Still sitting between her legs, I unwrap a condom, rolling it down my length before penetrating her. Then lifting her legs over my shoulders, I take her deep, doing to her what I've been unable to do with Louise for fear of being too rough.

"Fuck, you're big!" Becka gasps, her eyes widening as I plunge further, jutting against her firm cervix. "The girls must love you..."

"Not enough, it seems," I respond, lamenting Louise's cutting words from earlier. "But for tonight, I want to forget about all of that with you."

-----

I wake the next morning, snuggled beneath my duvet, in the comfort of warm arms draped around my nude body. As fingertips tickle over my abdomen, then slide over my arousal, it's difficult to not feel content about my decision to have a one-night stand. 

"You're insatiable, Becka..." I laugh, but I soon realise my mistake as something presses hard against my back, and I look down at Justin's hand resting on my thigh. "Oh, fuck no!"

Quickly rolling away from him before he awakens and freaks out, I sit up in bed, finding that Becka has already left us. Her clothes strewn across my floor yesterday are gone, and my own are neatly folded with a note on top.

"Thanks for making my night worthwhile. Hope to see you at the party tonight. I've given Justin the details x."

Justin stirs next to me as I toss it away into the waste bin, and his eyes flutter open, appearing unfocused. "What time is it? My head is banging."

"About nine-thirty," I reply, feeling a pang of jealousy as I scan over the lovebites on his chest and lipstick marks on his neck. "Becka's already left. Guess she isn't the type who's into morning cuddles like us."

"Shame, 'cause she was a clear ten. Wouldn't have minded being woken up to her thighs around my face," he sighs, attempting to cover his morning wood while talking about her. "That pink hair of hers was gorgeous, and those piercings... Damn, that tongue bar felt good on my-"

I've heard enough, and I interrupt him, not wanting to know more about his feelings for her. "Mm, there's definitely nothing better than waking up to a hot piece of arse in your bed in the morning."

"You dirty fucker! So you banged her as well?" he laughs, thinking I'm talking about Becka too. "But what is your type? You've fucked so many different women I can't even tell." 

Leisurely, he starts dressing, but I'm unable to look away this time. He really is attractive, with rippled abs I want to trail my tongue over and a bubble butt I could sink my teeth into. Even the cheap geometric gecko tattoo on the back of his shoulder looks adorable, and the urge to kiss him there is a struggle to ignore. I'm tired of envying everyone he sleeps with.

"Dark, almost black hair, brown eyes, and a fit body with a high sex drive. Someone I can have a laugh with and has similar interests to me, you know?"

I've described him to a tee, and I wait for the light bulb moment, but he shakes his head dismissively. "Yeah, I don't think there are any women like that in our classes. Anyway, Becka invited us to a party tonight at her friend's house. Girls older than us who are into kinky stuff. Could be fun?"

"Sure, I'll come with you," I reply, unsure if he's purposefully ignoring my hint or he's so dense he won't ever suss it out. "I'm going to have a shower. You want one?"

"Are you telling me I stink? Fucking thanks," he laughs, pulling a face as he sniffs at his t-shirt before pulling it on. "Guess I did get pretty sweaty last night. Right, I'm going to head home, sleep off the booze, and then collect my car. Pick you up at seven, alright?"