‘And the consultant was meant to give me a quick check-up,’ I babbled to the taxi driver, ‘then I was meant to be discharged at three this afternoon. I waited all day, and I could have been sleeping because I’m exhausted. He turned up five hours late.’ ‘Five hours?’ ‘Just breezed in, jacket on, signed the report, said he would let me go. No apology. I’m catching the sleeper train. You were the only cab with your light on....

Although we were in a five-star hotel, the honeymoon suite was still only set up for a couple, and I was willing to bet it had never hosted a masturbation group before. I immediately spotted the only two chairs. ‘Right, Fiona and I are having these. Sorry, boys, but you’re on the floor.’ I felt I should stop calling them boys as they were now all in their twenties, yet men or lads didn’t feel right either. ‘How’s that fai...

The locker room was crowded with more naked people than I’d ever seen in my life. There was just one student who looked out of place: fully clothed, wearing headphones and holding a microphone in front of Sandie. ‘So for the benefit of our listeners, describe what’s happening here.’ ‘I’m part of the student union committee and we’ve organised this clothing-optional protest against the closure. We’re asking for a minimum o...