Surprisingly, I didn’t have trouble falling asleep. As I laid there in my bed, staring at the white ceiling, I knew I could go one of two ways. I could think about what I’d done. Every detail. Every touch, every kiss, every look. Every deceitful, pleasurable moment I could bring to light, and really contemplate my actions. Our actions. Or I could just... be numb. I chose the latter. I’d never done anything remotely close to this. Not that I’d had to think about it before, but sleeping with a married man was something I never planned on doing in my life.

I wasn’t sure how I would react if I recognized what I’d really done. Would I cry? Would I be physically sick? Would I run up to Ethan’s room and beat the living shit out of him? Mostly I was afraid I wouldn’t be bothered by the whole fucking thing. I was afraid I had enjoyed myself more than I should have, and in the light of day, my guilt wouldn’t win out over the want of another orgasm by my friend.

Ultimately, I knew my body had no qualms with what I’d done. Even though I forced myself not to think of anything specifically, when flashes of his head between my thighs surfaced, butterflies would assault my stomach. This is more fucked up than I could have possibly imagined. So instead of facing the music, I imagined myself on a beach until I passed out.

It’s now three in the afternoon and I haven’t done anything today. I’ve been sleeping on and off between trying to think all morning. I need a new distraction and at the moment, some Borderlands sounds just right. I might even smoke too. I slip on my black plaid pajama pants and walk out to the couch. I don’t know if Ethan’s here. Nicole’s been gone all weekend at her sister’s house, planning for some wedding or something, and I know she’ll be back tonight in time to work. Nicole’s an overnight nurse for an emergency room at a hospital downtown. Hence the reason Ethan and I usually end up smoking at night together. She’ll join us every now and then though.

I sit and pull out the XBox controller, TV remote and the intricately carved wooda box that holds mine and Ethan’s paraphernalia from the cupboard under the coffee table. As the electronics boot, I load some green into the glass and snag a lighter before putting the box on the floor at my feet. I’m halfway through my bowl --feeling rather stoned and killing Skags-- when I hear someone come home upstairs. I pause the game and listen as they walk through the kitchen. I can't tell if it's Nicole or Ethan, and I quickly decide I’m not ready to see either of them. I save my game and take one last hit when I hear someone walking down the stairs.

“What’s up?” Ethan asks and takes his usual seat in the chair. Not fast enough.

“Not much,” I reply, looking down at the glass in my hands. “You want this?” I offer him the pipe and look up at his face. He’s grinning. My insides turn.

“Yeah.” He takes the piece and lights it while I take a long glance at him. He really is a good looking guy. Dark lashes frame his dark hazel eyes, strong jaw, toned and tanned skin, beautiful white teeth. Why haven’t I been attracted to him before? I almost feel like a distorted window’s been opened between us. I’ve always seen him, but never actually looked.

Aaannd it’s time to go. I put away the controller and place the box on the couch. “You can finish that. I’ll see you later,” I say and stand to head for my room.

“You leaving?” He asks.

“Yeah, I’ve been lazy all day. I’m gonna go to the gym.” This suddenly seems like the perfect time to go.

“Cool, have fun,” he says watching me retreat. I give him a quick smile and close my door behind me. I shake my head. Was I imagining the smug look on his face just now? Why is he making this so fucking hard? Does he want more from me? Nicole’s coming home today, he can’t possibly think this can continue.

I stop myself. I still haven’t decided to think this through yet. I’m trying to remain detached, undecided on the subject. I start stripping and find my gym clothes.

***

I just gotta say, working out stoned is a blast. Afterward, Aaliyah invited me to her house where she, Chandler and Taniyah were all hanging out. I joined them after my workout, glad to stay out a while longer. I’m beginning to like Taniyah more the longer I get to know her. She’s always so damn cheerful. She’s Chandler’s cousin, just moved out here after a couple years in college on the east coast. Sweet girl. Very pretty.

It’s just after 8 p.m. when I arrive home. Nicole’s car isn’t here, so I take her spot in the driveway. I groan as I climb out of the driver’s seat. Leg day’s going to feel even better tomorrow. I walk inside and meet Ethan in the kitchen.

“Hey,” he greets me. I set my bag on the counter and pull a water from the fridge.

“What’s up,” I reply and take a drink.

I hear him move then he’s right at my side, close enough to touch. “I’m smoking downstairs. Come join me,” he says and leaves me looking after him. That sounded like a command, and now I’m forcing down the rising butterflies. Well shit, I need to go that direction eventually, so I snag my bag and head to the stairs.

I see the back of his head, full of dark hair, above the back of the chair. I sigh heavily and walk into the room. My bag and I drop at the same time into a spot on the couch. I lean forward to pull the tie from my head, and the long dark locks drop down my back. I run my hands through my thick brown hair and finally turn to Ethan. Of course he’s looking at me. Has he looked anywhere else in the last week?

I reach for the pipe, taking a long rip. “How was your workout?” He asks as I hand it to him.

“Pretty good. How’s your game?” I ask and look to the TV.

“Good. Nicole made it home and left for work a little while ago, so I’ve just been chillin.”

I nod and take a sip of my water. “You work tomorrow?”

“Yeah, at seven," he says and hands me back the pipe. I take a hit and slouch further into the couch. I’m tired, but not tired enough to sleep yet. I’m still in my athletic bra and jacket, leggings and sneakers and I want a shower before I get to that point. I look to Ethan and hand him the piece.

“I’m gonna hop in the shower, I’ll smoke when I get out.”

“Why not smoke in the shower?” He jokes.

“Then I’d be leaving you without a bowl,” I reply with a grin and stand up to grab a towel from my bedroom. I walk back out toward the bathroom and Ethan’s there, grabbing my waist and pushing my back against the wall. I gasp and push at him, my towel falling to the floor.

“What the fuck Ethan? Stop.” He keeps his hold around my rib cage, looking down at me.

“You don’t want to?” He asks, his eyes intent. I open my mouth but nothing comes out for a moment.

“We can’t do this,” I finally conclude with an obvious tone.

“So you don’t want to?” He asks once more.

“Ethan, you know why we can’t do this.” I push again for him to release me, beginning to get aggravated.

“Chanel, listen to me. I know what you’re thinking, okay? I’ve been thinking the same damn thing. I know what we did... what I did was wrong. I feel just as bad as you do, if not worse. But after what happened last night, after seeing you like that...” He leans slightly closer and licks his lips, “I need more. I need to see the look on your face when I fuck you,” he says bluntly.

Oh my hell, my body’s on fire. I can’t even begin to think of how to respond. My mind, like my expression, is like ice, frozen, as his last words repeat in my head. And then the images come, and my body aches for him to touch me again. He’s watching my ‘deer in headlights’ expression and interrupts my thoughts.

“Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop.” And I do almost tell him to fuck off. I know what doing this... again... would mean. I would be the worst kind of person. But it wouldn’t be the truth. Facing it now, I know I want more. Of him. Because I know last night was just a taste.

“Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll leave you alone," he says with more authority, waiting for an answer. But deep down I know he knows I want more. The longer I sit here without speaking, the more I’m begging him to fuck my brains out. Seconds tick by and all I can think about are how his large hands are around my waist, gripping me tightly. My eyes finally look up to meet his and he flashes a white smile before kissing me hard. And I kiss him back. My hands in his hair, on his neck, him sucking on my tongue, massaging my mouth with his. He’s a good fucking kisser, too. Not that I’ve thought about trivial things like that since high school, but I couldn’t not notice.

His unzips my jacket and I slide my arms out with what little room I have between him and the wall. I kick out of my shoes, and before I can blink, he grabs the top of my tight black leggings and panties and pulls them, with my socks, to the floor exposing my lower half completely. On his way back up, Ethan’s kissing my hips and stomach, my neck and finally my lips.

“What do you want Chanel?” He asks against my mouth.

“This,” I reply pulling him closer. He hums and kisses me harder, my ass in his hands, shoulder blades against the wall.

“Your ass is fucking amazing,” he says squeezing my bare skin. I smile and lick his bottom lip. I can’t believe we’re doing this. It’s so wrong, but he feels so damn good. Which reminds me - I reach the hem of his shirt and pull it up over his head. His mouth is on mine again without missing a beat. Suddenly he lifts me up and my legs automatically wrap around him. He buries his face in my neck and bites.

"Fuck Ethan," I gasp. He hums again and digs his fingers into my hips.

“What else do you want?” he asks without removing his mouth from my skin. I don’t answer for a moment as I caress the back of his neck. Does he really want me to say these things out loud? Ahh, there is something I am craving that it appears only he can give me. Fuck it.

“Your head between my thighs," I say in a breathy voice. He’s smiling when he kisses me again.

“You liked it?” He asks. I blush lightly when he pulls back, and nod my head. “Say it," he demands squeezing my ass.

“I love your mouth on me Ethan.” I whisper and visibly notice his eyes light up. Fuck backing up and going to the couch. Fuck going to the floor. 'Fuck moving from anywhere but here,' is what I’m guessing Ethan was thinking. Because his hands move to my rib cage and he slides me up the wall right where I am. My thighs are resting on his shoulders, my back against the wall and his face right between my legs. I’ve never had anyone handle me this way. He just goes for it. And it’s perfect.

“Unnnnnn!” I moan when his tongue finally touches me. I feel like it’s been too long, like last night was weeks ago. In this moment I know I missed that talented muscle in his mouth. And he somehow knows just what I like. Without reservations he’s ravishing my pink flesh so absolutely my entire body is tightened by the intensity. The tip of his tongue teases my opening before sliding inside me as far as possible. I feel him licking upward inside me, fucking me with his tongue and my right hand grabs a fistful of his hair, my left scratching the wall at my back. I feel him exit and lay his tongue flat, slowly, intimately he licks me upward. When he reaches the top, he flicks my clit and I scream.

Though I’m writhing from his motions, there’s not a doubt in my mind he’ll drop me. I’m only 114 pounds, but me squirming due to him is no joke. But his sure hands are still holding me by my ass, balancing my weight in front of his face.

“Ethan,” I moan and look down at him. His eyes meet mine as he starts to suck on me. I cry out and turn my head. This is fucking crazy. I release his hair and both my hands are against the wall, my pelvis pushing further into him. He knows I don’t want him to stop, so naturally he does. I whine in the back of my throat looking back to his face for an explanation. He’s smiling, his face right in front of my bare skin.

“Damn it Ethan,” I say in breathless disapproval, but he doesn’t return to his spot. “Pleaaaase,” I beg him and twitch my hips further. He lightly licks my folds, still smirking. I move my hand from the wall and force his head back onto me. Finally, he responds and starts again. I tug his hair keeping my hand at the back of his head.

He flicks me hard and sucks so tightly I twitch involuntarily. Oh shit, I’m close. How in the fuck does he do this to me? The answer doesn’t matter though. Where we are and what we’re doing doesn’t matter. Because I’m going to cum, and I want this more than anything.

“Fuck! I’m almost there,” I say between my teeth, my hips squirming against his face. He hums and sucks harder. Again, I’m looking in his eyes when I can hold on no longer.

“Fuck!” I cry out and he releases my clit, sliding his tongue into my cunt to taste my wet contractions. Holy shit that’s hot. I don’t let go of his hair, still riding his face endlessly.

When my orgasm is over, I’m worried I’ll fall from my now lack of strength. My arms wrap around his neck when he slides me back down his body. He keeps hold of my ass and starts walking, my legs dangling at his sides, my head buried in his neck. Without releasing me, he’s turned on a light, then I hear running water.

“Would you still like to shower?” He asks in a low voice. Like last time, he sounds cautious and patient. Such a 180 from a moment ago.

“Yeah,” I answer and pull up my head. As I expected, his eyes are burning as they study me.

“Do you want to shower with me?” I ask, looking at him from under my lashes. Why am I inviting him into the shower? My brain to mouth filter said fuck it.

He smiles. “Get in. I’ll get your towel,” he says as he lightly sets me to my feet and leaves the bathroom. Wow. I'm at a loss for words. For emotions. For pretty much everything. The only thing I concentrate on is removing my sport bra and climbing into the hot water. I feel like I’ll turn into a puddle. My body tender from working out - well, my two workouts today. That’s what I feel like just happened. When he makes me cum it takes so much out of me.

I stand under the spray, rolling my neck, the hot water dousing my chest. I hear Ethan return, and he climbs in behind me, wrapping his arms around me. His large frame pressed against my entire backside makes me melt further. This feels so nice, I'm reeling from the thought. I lean my head back on his chest and his drops next to mine, chin on my shoulder. His hands start running over my stomach, my hips, my ribs, and he kisses my shoulder.

"You have quite an incredible ass, Chanel," Ethan says by my ear. I smile.

"Is it that nice?" I hear him scoff.

“Have you seen it lately?” And with his words, his hands are rolling over my soft, wet skin with appreciation. My ass isn't huge, but it is firm, and very round. I naturally have a small waist though, so it just looks bigger.

I don't answer his question, and he doesn't speak either. Our hands doing all the talking. My hands are on his forearms and in his hair, reaching up behind me. His are getting bolder, softly massaging my tits and grazing inside my thighs. I hum when he does make contact, his fingers reaching down to brush against my cunt.

Ethan turns us, both under the water, my front facing the shower wall. He's hungrily nipping at my neck, carefully petting between my legs. I can feel his hard length against my backside, and I'm beyond curious to see how big he is. However, when I push my ass against him in appreciation to his touch, I know I'll feel it before I see it. He angles himself and pushes his hips, his dick rubbing against my labia, between my legs, and his mouth is at my ear.

"Are you ready?" He asks, husky and low in my ear. Fuck, I am now.

"Yes," I pant and nod my head. I've never been more ready to do something so wrong in my life. He lines himself up between my thighs and starts pushing in. I gasp loudly as I feel his flesh meet mine and force it’s head inside me.

“Tell me if I hurt you,” he says and starts kissing my neck. I moan, my body pressed against the wall as he pulls out and pushes back into me. I gasp again. Every time he pushes in, my body is engulfed in electricity.

“Unnhhh….Ethan."

“What is it baby?” He asks, but doesn’t stop his slow assault. Baby? I ignore the surge of delight at the endearment.

“You feel so big,” I confess, even without knowing how much of him is in. He groans low and throaty, his pelvis jerking slightly, and I moan again. My muscles around him are adjusting. I’m sure he can feel himself fitting better as he picks up his speed by a fraction and pushes further. I'm inhaling steam over and over, completely consumed with the way his rock hard dick is stretching me, touching every inch of my insides. And suddenly he's so deep I feel him poking my cervix, and I scream.

"Fuck!" I groan, my body tensing. Ethan stops his movements, keeping himself buried in me, his left arm snaked around the front of my waist.

"You are so fucking tight," he says, panting, and I whimper. I feel so incredibly full. Beyond all the slight pain, however, I'm able to realize I really enjoy making him feel good. I feel good. And I push my hips back onto him. We both moan and he starts fucking me. In and out, my excited cunt is expanding to make him fit, over and over. He's easily the biggest I've ever taken. I'm assaulted with relentless butterflies every time he bumps into my furthest wall, trying to make their way up my chest and out of my throat. This feels so immensely, incredibly, overwhelmingly taboo. And so ridiculously, unbelievably fucking good at the same time.

"Please don't stop," I beg him, meeting his thrusts. And disappointingly, after a moment, he does. I gasp, then whine when he slides out of me.

Ethan turns me around, puts both hands on each side of my face, and kisses me. I'm surprised by his intensity, but return pressure eager enough. I place my hands on his lower back when his tongue licks my top lip. Without releasing my mouth, his hands slide to my ass and he lifts me, my back to the wall. God, I love when he lifts me like I weigh nothing. I wrap my arms around his neck and keep kissing him. One hand holding my weight, I feel his other hand grab himself and guide it back to me. I hum and he slowly lowers me onto him. When I feel the tip of his cock reach my wall, I gasp a small moan, my eyebrows knit together.

“Does that hurt?” He asks between breaths.

“No, you’re okay," I reply, shaking my head.

“Tell me the truth," he demands in a low voice. I sigh.

"Only a little." He’s looking at me with hooded green eyes and picks my weight up and gently brings me back down. My eyelids flutter closed. He doesn’t let himself go all the way in as he guides me with his hands on my ass. Up and down, he easily lifts and lowers my body. My insides are on fire as he fucks me. Everything feels so good, even the pain is manageable.

“Is that better?” He asks after a few minutes, and I smile, nodding my head.

"Yes," I say and he leans forward to kiss me. It's wet, but delicious, our bodies still being sprayed by the shower head.

“Tell me more,” he says against my mouth and I smile again.

"You feel so good inside me," I purr with appreciation. He smiles and keeps lifting and lowering me. "And you’re the only person who’s made me cum with just your mouth," I confess and he shakes his head picking up speed.

”Fuck,” he whispers looking me in the eye. I scratch his neck, pistoning up and down against the wall.

“And I've wanted you to fuck me since last Tuesday," I whisper. And as I say these words, I hear them solidify into truth. He growls, letting me drop a little farther each time onto his raging cock.

“I’m so glad you let me fuck you.”

"You feel so good," I coo in response. The angle he’s entering me is perfect, and I feel a warming begin in the pit of my stomach. Oh shit…

”I love making you feel good,” he says and starts kissing my neck. Oh fuck, my body’s tingling and I start climbing my mountain.

“Ethan, this is feeling too good,” I exclaim and I think he knows the implication. He starts moving me faster and gently bites my shoulder. I can feel every inch of him pushing in and out of me. My pussy is so tight around him, like it doesn’t want him to leave. Even I don’t want this to stop.

“Are you gonna cum on me, Chanel?” He suddenly asks against my ear. I moan when his words give me a boost up the mountain.

“Only if you want me to,” I reply, holding tight to his hair.

"Oh, I want you to," he says with strong conviction. "Cum Chanel."

"Oh fuck," I cry out, feeling myself tighten impossibly harder around him.

"Cum on baby," he begs, and it's my undoing.

“Fuck!” I scream when I explode, my hips grinding against him, pulling him closer.

“Harder Ethan!” I beg and he complies. He’s fucking me relentlessly and I can’t get enough. My ongoing orgasm has me on fire. “Please don’t stop," I moan. I think he liked it, too. He pulls me off the wall, wraps both his arms around me and pounds into me.

“Fuuuuuuck!” I scream again as he’s reaching my back wall. “Ethaaaaan," I groan his name. I can’t stop cumming. And for a moment, he stops….then he slams into me harder than he ever has.

“Fuck!” He moans muffled into my neck, and at last he’s finally joined me. He keeps pounding into me as he fills me, grunting the whole time. I can feel his cock pulsating inside me as I whimper, finally coming down from my own release.

When he’s done and I’m beyond done, he leans forward so I’m back against the wall. We’re panting against each other, still wrapped in each other, still standing in the hot water of the shower. Holy hell. That was just wow!

“Holy shit, Ethan,” I say against his hair, his head resting on my shoulder.

"That's an understatement," he says and lets out a short laugh. After a minute he moves his head up, and we look each other in the eyes. I can't believe that just happened. But I’m not thinking of guilt in this moment. I’m thinking of him. How he just fucked me, and how he’s holding me in front of him right now. And we start kissing.

When we need to catch our breath again, he unwinds his arms and grabs my waist. He gently slides me off of his dick, eliciting a moan from me, and sets me on my feet. I wobble slightly so he keeps his hands on my hips.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I nod. And then I look down. Holy. Mother. Fucking. Shit! That was inside me? Ethan's dick is nearly hard, and huge . He sees me staring. I purse my lips and he smiles. He helps me wash my body, and the sad part is, I actually need it. I am so fucking tired.

“You’re gorgeous, Chanel," he says, and I roll my eyes. “I’m serious. You’re beautiful.”

“Are you flirting with me?” I ask facetiously, rinsing myself off.

"Maybe," he says and I smile.

"I'm so tired," I say, and he leans to turn off the water. Ethan steps out, wraps a towel around himself, and then me. I dry myself off and he follows me out of the bathroom. I start walking into my room, but he grabs my elbow. And his mouth is on mine again. My hands in his wet hair, his arms wrapped around me, our tongues dance.

"Goodnight, Ethan,” I whisper against his mouth.

"Goodnight, Chanel." He releases me, and watches me as I shut the door. I dress in a t-shirt, and lay on my bed. Before when I laid in this very spot, I decided not to think about anything specifically. This time, I replay it all in my head over and over. I fucked a married man. And it was some of the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. I’m definitely going to hell. Still, a part of me is reeling from the thought of how easy it all was. Like we’re two puzzle pieces that fit together all too well. I’m beyond relaxed as I think about every move we both made; the tone of his voice; his warm hands, thick hair, hard body; his mouth. I fall into a restless sleep.