Monday at work passed quickly as my mind was elsewhere, thinking about Sarah and Clare and trying to find a way. I had already realised that tonight there was one piece of information that I needed from Clare and it came in a form of a question…

Was there any future for me and Clare?

Things are always different when you get home from holidays and when you are back into your routine. I desperately needed to know where I stood with Clare. If I knew this, I would have a better idea of what to say to Sarah. That is if I said anything to her at all about Clare and Majorca.

The events of last night had got me thinking, seriously thinking. I now realised that I was not ready to give up on Sarah, whatever Clare might say. There was something new I saw in Sarah, something that I had never seen before. It was a peek at her inner self. That playful girl that was waiting to escape the shackles of her recent past and there was something else…

I now realised that I also had strong feelings for Sarah, it was a new emotion, and one I only just realised existed and I was still trying to understand where it came from.

Could it be from the heart?

Before leaving work I gave Sarah a phone call. I dialled with more confidence than I should have had but I knew this call was important. I needed to stay connected to her.

We had some small talk and then she unexpectedly said, “Have fun tonight.”

My stomach churned, and butterflies fluttered.

Those strong newly discovered feelings I had for Sarah were with me again, choking my very words.

I wanted to say, “I am just catching up with an old friend,” but my mouth was dry. I suddenly found I could not lie to her. I didn’t want to. I just didn’t know how to answer.

I went quiet.

Whatever happened tonight I didn’t want to lose Sarah. I needed my Sarah. The flood of emotions was now bubbling through me and everyone was saying, “Do not be a fool, do not lose Sarah.” 

“Stay warm for me,” I joked after a few seconds. I was trying to mask what I was feeling.

Sarah giggled, “I will.”

“I see you tomorrow,” I said with a kiss, as we finished our call. 

There were no questions about Clare and that got me a little worried. It felt like Sarah knew that Clare was more than a casual old friend and I knew whatever happened tonight, tomorrow Sarah would need to be told all, maybe even Majorca.

I then asked myself the very question that had been on my mind since my return.

Was I in love with Sarah?

*****

I then left work right on time to see Clare. It is a good thirty-minute drive from my workplace and I knew I would be a little late. So it was no surprise when I pulled up outside her parents, semi-detached house five minutes behind our agreed time.

On seeing a car pull up, Clare came straight out and checked it was me before hurrying over and climbing in. She was dressed in tight blue stretch skinny jeans that gripped her legs and bottom. On top, she wore a cut-off yellow blouse and a blue denim jacket which she took off as she got in the car. 

As her long shapely legs slid in I noticed she also was wearing blue stiletto shoes with a three or four-inch heel. She also carried with her a small yellow handbag that matched her blouse and she looked beautiful. I on the other hand was still dressed in my work clothes.

“Hi,” we both said before I added. “You look stunning Clare.”

It was a comment which made her smile.

I may not have been the best at relationships but I knew enough to know all women like to be told they look beautiful but Clare really did. Like Sarah, to me, she was drop-dead gorgeous.

“We better get going,” a smiling Clare replied. “As my parents are due home any minute and if they see you. I am only going to get more questions. I had enough yesterday after your phone call.”

I pulled away. 

“Is that a problem?” I asked. “With you being seen with me?”

Clare did not answer me for a short while, as we drove into the forest and the countryside but then she said quietly…

“You know I have a boyfriend.” 

I decided to leave it at that, we could talk about him later. 

“Have you eaten? It is my treat.”

Neither of us had so I drove through the large forest to be nearer to where I lived and pulled up a small county pub called “The Woodsman.” It was situated no more than five miles from my parent’s house, well away from Clare’s. It was the sort of place tourists go but we were early and Monday always tends to be a quiet day. So we had no issues in getting a nice corner table for two in the eating area.

During the journey, we started to talk and get to know one another. Though we deliberated seemed to skirt around the elephant in the room, Clare’s boyfriend. We confirmed our ages; Clare was eighteen and I was twenty-two. We both had birthdays coming up, September and November respectively, and we were both the oldest sibling.    

Clare was not just easy to get into bed. She was easy to talk to. She listened and had that knack for saying or responding in the right way and it gave me confidence, the same level of confidence that had taken me weeks to get to with Sarah.

We learned a lot about each other and realised we had many common interests but there was one issue that Clare was having. That was whether to carry on at college or not. She just completed her second year but had failed chemistry, one of the three subjects she was taking. Clare had wanted to do science and work in a laboratory somewhere but realised whilst in her second college year that perhaps this was not the correct career choice for her.

Clare currently had a good part-time job in one of the local factories and had just been offered a full-time position but only if she did not go back to college. Yes, it was good money for an eighteen-year-old but there were few prospects for the future.

I was surprised but Clare asked me for some career advice but there was a question I needed to ask first. “What career do you see yourself doing in the future?”

She thought for a minute and said, “Maybe accountancy. That is what my career advisor said I should consider and the more I think about it, the more I kind of like it. Even if everyone I know would then find me boring.”

I chuckled; no one would ever find Clare boring. She had that gift, that charm, to be able to entertain and not just men. There was something about Clare, that aura, which at that moment I just couldn’t explain, though I knew she had already charmed me.

“Do you need more qualifications to do this career?” I asked as I had no idea. 

Clare paused before answering.

“I know I should sign on to do another year of college. It’s just I feel I have done enough school time and I want to do something else other than studying.” 

I smiled. I knew that feeling and I then went on to point out to her that I only just finished my “school time” the year before and with that, the conversation moved on.

I was not too sure if Clare had taken in anything I had said, but it had been nice to be asked my opinion on something so important to Clare.

At the “Woodsman” pub, I asked Clare what she wanted to drink thinking she might want a glass of wine or a half-pint of lager, as girls did back then but no, Clare went for a pint of dry cider. I smiled, that meant fewer trips to the bar.

Sarah had only recently changed from drinking halves. It was a change made with my full encouragement. I know this is a very small thing in our story but the fact that Clare was bold and just ordered a pint was an additional attraction to me.

We ordered our meals and as we eat, our conversation just flowed. Though, my mind kept flickering between Clare’s boyfriend and then us. I knew I needed to bring him up soon and ask that question.

I explained about my job, how I got it and a little about my upbringing but I did not want to get too heavy. Clare was similar; we kept skirting around the main subject; our other halves and that question.

Was there a future for us?

I knew I needed to know something before the end of the evening. I had Sarah to think about. As it was, I knew I would be lucky if I kept her, once she knew I cheated with Clare.

After the meals, which I paid for, Clare insisted on buying the next round of drinks and we moved to the main pub area and found a nice sofa seat to sit on. We still had some privacy.

“You know I consider this a date," I said to Clare. It was my way of moving the conversation on and in the right direction. It was obvious to me that there was strong chemistry between us but I also felt a little anxious. I really was not too sure what she would say.

“I know you do,” is all Clare said in reply but she did lean across and put her hand on my thigh. It was the first intimate contact we had had all evening and it gave me all the encouragement I needed. But, despite thinking about this all day I was still not sure what to say to Clare.

“I know you can feel that we are attracted to each other...” I stopped and looked closely at Clare. I was trying to judge her reaction. I was desperate for a positive reaction; to say the right thing but her look was hard to understand and read.

“I want to be with you, your boyfriend, not just a two-night stand.”

I thought, there I said it. I had pushed Sarah to one side, not really knowing if I was getting across my feelings to Clare.

What I did know was it was now or never; to take that step in getting Clare to start to open up and express her feelings for me. There was something there, something more than good sex. I needed to push on and get it all out there and as I spoke I felt that I was a little out of control of my emotions.

“As you know I have a girlfriend, Sarah. She’s eighteen and we've been together for nearly six months...” I then went on to explain how I met Sarah and a little about her and our life together. I then ended by saying... “I do like Sarah and being with her has been good but I do not know how serious we are. I guess we are getting towards a decision time but she is the first long-term relationship I had and I am still trying to understand what I have with her.” 

All the time that I had been speaking, I had been looking at Clare, taking in her and trying to judge her reaction, but failing. Clare was good at keeping a poker face.

I then carried on talking and I was not too sure I was even making any sense.

“For some reason, it's you Clare that I want to be with and I hope you feel the same way. I also know you have a boyfriend,” as I said these words my insides were all over the place. There were butterflies and a churning stomach. I was not sure what I wanted or if what I had just said was completely true.

Did I want to lose Sarah?

The answer was a firm no, but I knew I desired Clare.

So I continued...

“But you have not told me anything about him. Not even his name. I thought it might not be that serious, as you and I got together but I need to know where I stand, even if it is just for Sarah’s sake. I am not too sure what to say to her.”

I knew this conversation was a little heavy for a first date but I desperately needed to know where we stood, especially now I was beginning to understand I had strong feelings for Sarah.

Clare looked back at me. She smiled a little then looked down towards her drink before returning her eyes up to mine.

“It is complicated,” then she added after a short pause.

“My boyfriend’s name is Alan and he is now twenty-six, so a little older than us. I met him when I was seventeen and working in a shop. He came in several times and eventually asked me out. He had a car and a flat, he just swept me away and I went with it. If you asked me a year ago I would have said that I loved him but things change...”

Clare paused. It was obvious that she was thinking carefully about what to say; if anything.

“I'm not sure if I should say more but you're right; I am attracted to you. Every time I look at you. Even that first time back on the beach…”

Clare paused and looked at me.  

“Every time I look at you I see a twinkle in your eyes.” 

I could not help smiling on hearing that, “A twinkle in my eyes,” that was a first for me.

But those five little words seemed to evaporate any tension within me, my stomachs butterflies fluttered away. At that moment I was glowing inside with joy and happiness. There was hope for me and Clare.

Clare continued. “I have said to myself that if I have another relationship with a man then there must be no secrets as secrets eat into your soul.”

I wasn’t sure what she was talking about but I knew what she meant. I knew a large bite had been taken out of my soul for not coming clean with Sarah last night.

“So there's hope for us to become a couple,” I carefully asked.

“Yes, but please do not give up Sarah. As I said it is complicated, I need to tell you more and it is deeply private what I going to say, only Jaz and her boyfriend Rob know.” 

I nodded and then re-enforced my answer with an, “Okay.” I also noted what Clare was going to say, not even her boyfriend Alan knew.

“Last December I went to a Christmas party at a local pub. I went with Jaz and a couple of other friends. No boyfriends. Well, I got a little drunk and late in the evening, I found myself getting chatted up by an older man, a lot older man as he was in his forties. I also knew he was married though he did not say.” 

Clare stopped and took her eyes away from her pint glass and looked at me. It was so as so she was thinking about carrying on...

“Go on,” I said, I am listening.

“The drink sort of brought my guard down a little and I was getting horny but what turned me on was his name was John. That is the same name as my dad’s and it sort of drew me to him. Until then I never had daddy fantasies but I was caught at a weak moment. I just wanted him to fuck me, boyfriend or no boyfriend.”

“I let Jaz know I was going outside with John and might be a little while. Of course, Jaz tried to stop me and even now I see her face telling me. Are you sure?”

“We went around the back of the pub and up a dark alleyway where it was unlikely we be disturbed. I knew why I was following him there. But at that moment all I could think of was having sex. We kissed and made out as he pushed me up against a wall. I had a skirt on and before I knew it was around my waist, my knickers down around my ankles. He fingered me for a while but I did not need much foreplay, I was so wet...”

Clare paused and then she smiled as she took a sip of her drink.

“Next thing I knew his cock was right up me, no condom. I thought shit but too late. At that moment we both came. He squirted his spunk right into me and at the time I had the best orgasm up to then of my life. It felt so dirty. As he withdrew his cock all I could feel was sperm running out of me and I had to use my panties to clean myself up. We left them hanging on a gate latch in the alleyway and I had to spend the rest of the night pantyless.

Clare paused again. It felt as if she was thinking back to the incident.

“I thought at the time that I had just been knocked up but I did the maths and I realised that I was in my safe period but only just. Afterwards, we had a cigarette and then John gave me his work number and said to me, if you want to get together again, then phone this number and we can then make arrangements. John then went home and I rejoined my friends. Only Jaz realised I had been away.”

Clare stopped and looked into my eyes then said, “Even now as I tell you this, I get a little wet, though it is also somewhat embarrassing. But I want to tell you all. I am a bit of a slut and I promise you one thing. I won’t be faithful.” 

I tried to suppress a smile as Clare carried on with her story; my cock was now so hard in my trousers.

“I like to say that it ended there but I found it exciting, naughty and I have to say addictive. So it was only a few days later that I phoned John and we made arrangements for another meeting. This time it was in his car and I brought condoms to be safe. Again when he fucked me I found it exciting and had another large orgasm as I came. We carried on seeing each other for several months and we fucked in more and more risky locations. I loved it but John put a stop to it as his wife started to get suspicious. The truth is. If I had my way I would still be fucking John right now.”

I could not help it being somewhat turned on by Clare’s story and in a small outburst, I quietly said. “God I love slutty women!” That made Clare laugh, which in turn made me chuckle, though I did apologise.

“Does that mean Sarah is slutty too?” Clare somewhat innocently asked.

“No... Not really,” I quickly replied.

As I answered I thought that was the main issue between us and I had to check myself from fully answering as I thought it would be unfair to Sarah. Yes, I knew I was a jerk, thinking like this but I did want Sarah to be more outgoing. Show more skin and even flirt with other men.

The last part was my deepest secret and I hadn’t dared mention that fetish to her and I wasn’t sure I ever would. The truth was I thought that deep down Sarah could be slutty. She had so far held herself in check. Her past exploits had stopped her from peeping over her protective wall. But last night it was different. Then I felt closer to Sarah, the true Sarah than I ever had been before.

If we were still together after I told her about Clare. We needed to have the sort of conversation I was currently having with Clare. Deep down, I knew if we didn’t neither of us would be happy. We needed to grow up as a couple and be our true selves.

I did also feel that as a woman Sarah was right on the edge of blossoming. Last night, she was different, though I still didn’t grasp why.

“So to just clarify, Alan knows none of this?” I asked knowing the answer but I wanted clarification.

“Good God, no!” Clare exclaimed.

“He would be horrified if he knew and our relationship would be over. Alan is quite conservative, almost square. Likes things to be a certain way, no variations and unlike me, he only seems to have one sexual fetish which you might have noticed.”

I shrugged. I was intrigued, as I was and not sure I had noticed.

“He loves me hairy, for him the hairier, the better. If he had his way I have hairy legs, armpits and a bush the size of a Privet hedge.” I suddenly had that vision go through my head and I started laughing which caused Clare to give me a nudge before joining me and giggling too.

“I do not mind indulging him but my armpits and legs stay shaved. I do let my pubic hair grow though I did trim the sides of it for my holiday so I could fit into my bikini bottom. He was not too pleased when I saw him Saturday night and I promised to grow it again.”

“Well, it does make a good maze,” I jokingly said which earned me a second, harder nudge though I carried on laughing at my bad joke. 

Clare took a large gulp of her cider waiting for me to stop. It gave me a chance to look around aware that we may be overheard but no one seemed close so I said quietly...

“I have to admit I was somewhat surprised at how hairy your pussy was. One of my fetishes is for completely shaved pussies.” 

I could not but help to grin when I said it, though it felt strange to say this to a girl; even Clare. I had never even thought of mentioning it to Sarah as I thought she would never understand.

“So have you been with many shaven girls?” Clare asked, and then cheekily grinned.

“Not yet but I can say yours was easily the hairiest,” which earned me my third nudge and a small playful squeeze on my leg before we laughed and then sat back and sipped our drinks.

As we sat there I realised that with Clare I felt we could talk about anything. We just clicked. Our minds were so similar and I wondered if Sarah could be the same. That is if Sarah forgave me. Let me carry on seeing Clare, which seemed very unlikely. No girl lets her boyfriend have a second girlfriend; even the oaf in me knew that!

Clare opened her handbag and pulled out a small packet of cigarettes. As she did this I noticed two unopened condom packets in the handbag's side pocket. Seeing these made my cock stir once again though I did not expect or want any sex with Clare tonight. I didn’t want to be unfaithful to Sarah again. I needed to have that honest open talk with her first.

She pulled a cigarette out of its packet and asked, “Do you mind?” I didn’t.

“Sarah also occasionally smokes so I am used to it.”

As Clare lit up I notice that it was a packet of ten and she asked if I wanted one.

“Maybe another time,” but the truth was I had never smoked and planned never to start. I thought I let Clare know this at another time as for now I wanted to ask Clare the question. The one I really desired an answer to.

“So why do you still go out with Alan then?” 

I wanted to add, “When you can have me,” but I checked myself. I maybe sometimes daft, but I had learned a few things recently about women, and I now realised being cocky was not a good thing!

“It is complicated,” Clare replied, using those very words for a second time but I had the feeling it was not, so I pushed again.

“Why is it complicated?”

Clare took a drag of her cigarette and thought. It was as she exhaled the smoke and smiled that she said, “Perhaps it's not that complicated...”

“Alan has a big cock.”

Perversely I somewhat liked Clare’s answer and therefore had to ask the obvious question.

“How big is it?”

“I never measured but it is a little longer than yours and quite fat. He says it's ten inches.”

“How big are you?” 

I nearly spat my drink out at that question but I did know the answer. Most men do.

“I am one hundred and ninety-one centimetres,” I proudly announced.

Clare started laughing as she knew I was trying to make my cock sound larger than it really was.

“Come on,” she said as her laughter faded. “I want real measurements and don’t forget I already sampled it; so no exaggerations!”

I smiled.

“Seven and a half inches long, depending on how you measure it and two inches in diameter,” which in truth, was a good size cock but I always wanted it a little bigger.

“Well, it does not really matter,” Clare then said. “He may be larger but you are so much better than him in technique. He just climbs on and fucks like a machine. No imagination, every time it is the same, bang, bang, bang.”

I could not stop grinning, which Clare noticed and she then nudged me. That only succeeded in reducing my grin to a smile.

While I liked to be told I am good in bed I thought maybe we are moving into an area of too much information. I did not want to think about Alan fucking Clare even if sharing a girlfriend was another of my unspoken fetishes. It was one that I had never mentioned to anyone.

Clare then said what I wanted to know...

“As I mentioned when I met Alan, the fact he had a car, a flat where I could stay and money. Well, it got me out of the house and away from my family. Do not get me wrong, I love my family but there are six of us living in a house built for four.”

“There is just no privacy at all.”

“Alan's arrival let me escape and now I am eighteen my parents let me sleep over Fridays and Saturday nights if I want to, as I do not have to go to college the next day. Also with me not being at home, it gives my family more space as well.”

“So what do your parents think of Alan?”

I could not help but ask though I know I should not of as it was none of my business.

“They like him,” Clare said, completely unphased by my question. I had hoped for a different answer.

“So there are no issues with Alan, you love him?” I regretted asking as soon as it left my mouth.

“I have not finished yet,” Clare said a little sharply as she stubbed out her cigarette.

“While I like Alan, I do not love him and never will. In the early days, I thought I did but I was young. You have to be aware that it is only in the last year that I have grown into the more confident woman that I am now. I have Alan to partly thank for that, but I know what I want, and I do not think it will be Alan.”  

“Part of the reason I went away with the girls to Majorca is I wanted to think about my future away from all other influences. It was a week away from all routine so that I could make some big decisions like going back to college and more importantly Alan.” 

Clare paused, and then looked intently at me before continuing, this time speaking more softly.

“As you know, David, my nineteenth birthday is in November and I have the feeling he going to propose to me and I am not ready for that. It was fun when it was fun but now he starting to get serious and as I said, I'm just not ready for that, in fact, I feel I need a little freedom.”

“I need to tell you that I have not yet completely made my mind up about Alan, but I do know I will need to soon.”

“Meeting you David was just at the right time for me because it made me think about the future even harder. But it also makes it more complicated as my original thought was just to leave Alan and have some fun as a single girl. I am not sure I am ready for another relationship straight away and you need to understand, as I mentioned, I cheat and that is not going to change.”

I smiled, I had all the answers I wanted and I did not want our conversation to get any heavier. Clare needed space and time to make up her mind and in some ways; so did I.

I thanked Clare for being so honest and open and we decided it was time to head back to Clare’s.

On the drive back we had more mundane conversations but as we got near her house Clare did ask me, “What are you going to tell Sarah? ... Are you going to tell her about me?”

I gave Clare the honest reply, “She already knows you exist though I have not yet given her any details and maybe I never will. As for what I am going to say to her tomorrow, I really do not know.”

I then added, “Can I phone you, Thursday at seven pm?”

“Yes... Please do, but be aware that you might get my mum.”

“I guess I have to cross that bridge when it comes as I am still going to phone you.”

Clare smiled and I felt her looking at me as I drove.

We pulled up outside her house and we both looked at one another. Suddenly I had the urge to cuddle Clare and I leaned across and hugged her. It was the best that I could do as it felt as though I was leaving a bit of me with her.

We looked at one another and Clare kissed me on the cheek and said with a smile, “Thank you for a wonderful evening. I really enjoyed it.”

I smiled back at her.

“I really enjoyed it too and it was lovely to get to know you more. I say it again, you are absolutely fucking gorgeous and I do want to go out with you. I simply would not want you to change at all.”

I then added as if by instinct. “Remember, I love slutty women, especially ones that tell hot sexy stories.” I leaned across and kissed Clare as she laughed.

“I had the feeling you might,” and with that Clare started to get out of my car. Then she stopped and popped her head inside again and said with a grin.

“By the way, my monthly came Sunday. So you failed to get me pregnant, you need to try harder next time,” and with a chuckle, she closed the car door.

I had been so captivated by Clare I had forgotten to even ask!

As she walked towards her front door it occurred to me that perhaps that should have been the first question I asked her. I could only smile which turned into a grin, “next time.”

So there is going to be, “a next time.”

The drive back was uneventful but as I approached home my mind shifted from Clare to Sarah and what I should say tomorrow. But tomorrow was another day, there be time to think about that.

My final thought was of Clare, that there will be, “a next time.” 

I was even more attracted to her than ever.