Hypocrite. That word is embedded in my fading moments. Until now, I'd rejected the notion of a God or anything existing beyond our mortal plane - That the life we're born into is the only one we'll ever know, and once it's over, that's it. Game over. Non-existence for the rest of eternity. Our time isn't guaranteed, and there's no room for second chances, reincarnation, ghosts or spirits, so we must ensure that every second we have matters. To seize the day, even at the expense of tomorrow; otherwise, we'll die with regrets.

The moment I knew I was actually dying, I threw it all out the window. I wanted to live until tomorrow and clung to the hope of being saved if I promised to change. So silently, I prayed to anything that may have been listening, pleading forgiveness for all the mean and cruel things I'd done to others, hoping to avoid damnation. For being a bad son who hated and fought against his father. A terrible friend who had never been truly honest about anything. And a shitty dad who had said the worst things to the mother of his child. But above all, I wished it wasn't happening and begged I'd live to see my daughter being born to give her the life I never had.

I guess I have Charlotte to thank for clarifying my final thoughts while my precious collar chokes the life from me beneath the weight of my limp body. Everything I'd come to know and my foolish, idealistic notion of love and happiness is irreparably shattered. Yet, I can't find it within me to hate her even now, and I wish I could protect her from the consequences of her own stupid actions tonight. But I'm too exhausted to fight the inevitable as I slip further into the darkness, leaving my lover's incoherent, hysterical screaming behind me. 

I'm stirred by light fingertips stroking my hair, soothing my consciousness to a dimly lit classroom. The blinds have been lowered, shadowing my face from the harsh glare of the late June sun. I'm disorientated, my eyes unfocused, but for the first time in a long while, I'm safe and at peace, listening to the soft breathing of the stranger beside me who's now caressing my forehead. It's been forever since I've dreamed of anything other than my near death at Charlotte's hands. 

"What time is it?" I murmur, entirely at ease with the hands stroking me with affection.

"It's twelve-twenty. You've still got another forty minutes of lunch," the person speaks.

My dreamlike state ends, and glancing up, I realise Mr Davies is sitting on my desk, with my arm draped over his leg. I've made a monumental mistake by drifting off during his class, and I'm sure I've been drooling. "Sir! I'm sorry. I didn't realise I'd-"

"You seemed to be having a nightmare," he says, gliding his thumb across the fresh marks healing on my forearm. "What happened? I told you my door is always open if you need somebody to talk to."

His expression is warm with concern, and he touches my palm, rubbing the nail marks I've dug into my skin. Although I may have recovered physically, I don't want to burden anyone else with my problems. It's bad enough that I already owe it to Louise for raising the alarm with Justin to save my life, which I can never repay. Nobody needs to know how I've languished with grief for the past three weeks, holed up in my room, back beneath my father's thumb. Or how I've fallen onto my old, self-destructive behaviours late at night, consumed with the thought of eventually returning to Charlotte. Deciding my only option is to avoid him, I grab my backpack and run to the door, which I find locked. 

I turn to confront him rather than feel cornered like prey. "I don't have time for another one of your lectures. Just back off and stop butting into my business!"

His fist clenches around the front of my shirt as he shoves me against the wall, taking me by surprise. He's physically much stronger than I had taken him for. "Do you know how frustrating it is standing by, watching you throw away your life? You've been cruising for far too long, but now you're not even trying. One day you will deeply regret these choices you're making now. Where have you been for three weeks?"

My heart pounds audibly as his pale grey eyes search mine, then lower to my bared throat and the still visible stricture mark. He fits my type at barely thirty, with dark stubble shadowing his jaw and wavy brown hair near his shoulders. Yet, I remain silent as I watch his face betray his own torment and conflict growing within him.

He swallows, neither of us daring to move first, and those initial brief seconds of contact drag out to over a minute, then another. His hand on my crumpled shirt remains still. As far as I know, he isn't outwardly gay, but neither have I revealed my own sexuality. Piecing together the fact he'd shown interest in previous lash markings on my back and the expression he'd pulled at the time, I may have stumbled upon another deviant, either like me or my former owner.

My gaze falls to his shoes in discomfort at his closeness. "Sir... I don't know what you expect from me."

"I only want to help you. I know you feel alone in what you're going through, and you act all macho as if nothing matters, but that's not you, right?"

I shake my head, fighting through the tightness in my chest and the knot in my throat. "I'm tired of it all and pretending about everything to the point I don't know who I am. Then when I finally met someone who I thought accepted me and my circumstances, I was sadly mistaken."

His firm hand loosens its grip on my shirt as he reads between the lines. "Accepted you? So my hunch about you being-"

The walls I've kept up for so long crumple entirely. "Was I that transparent? I want to do the right thing, and my dad is pushing me to be with Louise again, but I haven't got it in me to fake my feelings anymore. Do you understand how that feels?"

"I think the answer to that is obvious." His hand resting beside mine brushes over my fingertips, testing my reaction to him. Then leaning forwards, he softly presses a kiss onto my mouth. It's not forceful at all, pleasant even, and the warmth lingers on my hesitant lips. "I've been wondering what kissing you would feel like."

"So you are into me?" I say quietly as his fingers fumble at the buttons on my shirt. Then my mouth parts as he kisses me again and pinches at my erect nipples. It's been weeks since anyone has touched me, and all too willingly, I turn to lean against a desk as his hands reach to my belt and unfasten it.

My legs tremble with adrenaline as I rapidly find myself naked in the middle of his classroom, apart from my shirt, which he begins to remove. "You're shaking," he whispers into my ear, stroking a line down my spine with his fingertip. "I'll take it slow at first with you, so try to relax."

His fingers rake through the trail of hair, lightly spreading downwards from my chest to my pubic area before he takes my rigid member in his palm to fondle. Then with his other hand sliding between the cleft of my cheeks, he cups my testicles while his thumb circles my entrance. I become putty to his touch and moan as he applies pressure. "Ah! You're making me feel good."

"I never imagined all those rumours I overheard were true. You've been blessed with a monster," he chuckles, running his hand back and forth in firm, deliberate movements along my shaft. "Does your number stack up to as much as I heard?"

I nod, unable to look away from the firm hand pleasuring me as he tugs my balls almost to the point of pain. "...I might have overcompensated. Are you angry or jealous about that?"

"Are you hoping I'm jealous?" he asks, gripping me beneath my jaw as he forces me to face him, then kisses my eyelids. "Do you want to be that special to me?"

His previously gentle kisses become aggressive, with his tongue sliding into my mouth as his belt drops to the floor, followed by his trousers, until his nude body presses against mine, giving me no chance to answer. I want him. There's no question about that, with the way I'm readily opening up to him and the low moans rising to my lips as his hands roam over every inch of my skin.

Glancing down at his growing, chubby cock now circling around my helmet, then rubbing over the top, my urge to back out fully subsides. Instead, I support the base of my cock as he continues to stroke over the both of us, using my dripping precum for lubricant. "Sir... I want you... I need to feel you..."

My sighs deepen to groans as his teeth nip sharply at my ear and then my neck, which he begins to kiss. I'm becoming drunk on pleasure, overwhelmed with the need to finally experience the feeling of being penetrated. I'd always imagined my only time with a man would be with Justin, under entirely different circumstances, but this feels right. I'll stop saving myself for someone who'll never see me that way. 

"I'm going to fuck you, Matt. Turn around. I promise I'll be gentle, but I'd like you to come back with me tonight." I spin around, leaning over the desk once more while his rock-hard cock presses firm against my arse, and taking it in his hand, he smears our lubricant over my hole. My calves continue to shake, threatening to buckle in fear of what I expect to come next, which I've fantasised about forever. Still, I breathe deeply to steady my nerves, yearning to feel more of him. "You have a great arse. Muscular and firm. I've wanted to sink my teeth into it since I watched you run track in those shorts."

Abruptly we're interrupted by a knock on the still-locked door, and the handle rattles, making me freeze with terror. There's nowhere to hide. If it gets out that both of us have been found together like this, his career is over in an instant, and I'll die of shame, never able to look Justin in the eye again. This isn't worth the hassle, and as much as I want the release, I'm too spooked to continue either way. "I-I think I should leave."

But, Mr Davies' hand tightens over my wrist as he urges me to stay. "No. I think they've gone, so let's get back to it-"

I push him away and redress in my creased clothing as I regain my senses. I'm throwing myself into the distraction of sex again, playing into the hands of another dominant or potential sadist rather than fixing my problems. This is the exact behaviour that results in trouble and needs to end before I can heal. "I'm sorry, but I should prepare for my exam this afternoon. Let's just forget this happened and move on."

He pulls on his trousers, crestfallen as I finish buttoning my shirt. "How about later when we won't be disturbed? We can talk more about exploring whatever this is?"

I dismiss his offer immediately with a shake of my head and unlock the door, throwing my bag over my shoulder. "I can't. My dad will be expecting me home."

His arm blocks me, shooting across the opened doorway with his shirt still partially unbuttoned. I soften to his advances and moisten my lower lip with my tongue at the glimpse of thick, dark curls on his chest. I remained passive earlier, but now weak in my fully aroused state, I'd love to straddle his lap and feel him deep within me. Maybe it would be safe to resume this? "I'll help you prepare for your paper, but at least talk to me. You don't have to do anything you don't want-"

Click!

Both of us look over my shoulder, horrified to find Sadie snapping another photo of us together. How much she's actually heard is anyone's guess. Still, the pictures are problematic in the hands of my enemies, and I'm not prepared to risk it getting out to my father or Justin. I already suspect she's behind everything else circulating about me, including the current rumour about my ex nearly killing me with her access to my home life. "Fuck..." 

I immediately pursue her as she disappears into the nearest bathroom at the end of the empty corridor. Then, before she can lock the door, my foot jams it open as I force my way in. "You're not allowed in here. Get out!"

"Not until I've spoken to you-"

"I know what I heard! And this photo proves all of it," she accuses, shoving me weakly in the chest. "You two were kissing. That's the only reason why the door would be locked. So why shouldn't I tell everybody that you're gay!"

"Kissing? Are you fucking crazy!" I laugh hysterically at the attempt to blackmail me. If she could hear us fully, she'd know she had interrupted us before we could fuck, not just kiss. "If it's any of your business, Mr Davies is helping to mentor me through my problems with Louise, and we had a disagreement. But I can assure you, I'm not gay, and you know it. I've fucked half of your friends, for christ's sake!"

"Bullshit!" But she looks at the photo on her camera uncertainly, losing her conviction in what she assumed was happening behind the closed door. Without a doubt, she's got no credible proof I can be ruined with, just unusual circumstances that can be explained away, especially if I can get rid of her photographs before anyone else sees them.

I move closer until she's backed against the wall, and my hands pin hers beside her head. "I remember a time not long ago when I found you in my room, looking for me, and now you're fixated on destroying my life over things that aren't true. What happened to make you hate me so much?"

My effect on her is immediate as my waning semi-erection presses into her hip, making her flush with shyness. But her fierce eye contact remains unwavering on my face. "You upset my friend. What you did to Ash is unforgivable."

"Liar. If you cared about that, you wouldn't have accepted my invitation to the party the night you met my brother." I push back a lock of her blonde hair, recounting the moment she tried to kiss me on my birthday to my advantage. "You could have easily ended up in my bed that night, especially after I deliberately lost at strip poker so you could keep your clothes on. Maybe I shouldn't have saved you?"

She softens as she glances at my exposed arms on either side of her head, then entwines her fingers with mine. "You turned me down-"

"But I'm not turning you down right now, am I? Nobody else needs to know, and you can still pretend to hate me afterwards. Win-win. I've heard you through the walls more times than I can keep count, and I wonder how gorgeous you must look at that moment."

I release her hands, and my thumb runs over her chin as she stares at me, weighing up the option I'm dangling before her. I don't intend to seduce her further than this, but I may have no other choice. Unfortunately for my brother, my conscience is vastly overshadowed by my need to protect my secrets. There's nothing I won't stop at in the name of self-preservation. "We might be caught if we do it here."

I want to sigh with relief, but I maintain the act and check the time on my watch. "That's true... And our math exam starts in twenty-five minutes. It's a pity 'cause you've really got my blood pumping-"

Her hand strokes my bangs away from my face. "Then let's make the most of that time. Take it all off so I can see what the big deal is first... and then I'll decide what I want to do with you." 

She might only want to see me naked? This could be easier to get out of than I thought, but she raises her camera for another photo as I unfasten the buttons on my shirt. At this point, I can only trust her, just like she now has to trust I won't tell my brother, so, I pull my shirt off, then drop both my trousers and underwear. "Have I satisfied your curiosity, or do I not meet your expectation?"

 Her blue eyes skim over my tattooed body, then down to my manhood. I may as well be selling myself to her at this point, but that's the least of my concerns. "I-I wish I'd dated the better brother."

Sadly for me, Sadie's fully taken the bait, and her arms loop around my neck as she kisses my cheek, then my lips, urging me to lift her onto the sink. I've messed up this time, but it's too late to back out with my reputation hanging in the balance. Bringing her hand to my mouth, my lips caress her knuckles, and then I lick across the back of her hand, continuing to toy with her. "Mm, but at least you can still fuck him." 

"You're bad-"

"And you're only just realising that? But what's so wrong with my brother that I can sway you so easily?" I tease, pushing back the hem of her skirt as I move between her opened legs. "You're not the first to go between the two of us..."

Sadie's warmed gaze lowers to my thumb, pressing against her damp panties. Then she gasps as I rub over her labia through the thin material. "Ah! You might be a psycho, but you're still fitter than John."

My teeth grit as I swallow the venomous words I want to unleash on her, but I change my plan of only pleasing her and remove a condom from the backpack I'd slung on the floor. For her insolence, I want her to swallow me whole with the experienced mouth I know she has, and after interrupting my fun earlier, it's the least I deserve. "Then show me how much you want it. Suck me, and I want a photo of you doing it unless you delete those other photos you took of me."

"Okay, but we'll delete them afterwards," she responds, tying her long, blonde hair back. 

As I rip open the packet with my teeth, Sadie snatches it from me as she moves onto her knees, then unrolls it down my thick shaft with little difficulty. "So, I guess you know what you're doing, huh?"

"You're not much different to John as you think you are," she says, winking as I stroke her cheek. "So you don't need to be gentle to me either."

I wasn't planning on it.

My fingers wrap around the sleek ponytail draped over her shoulder, which I tug around my hand as her lips part for my entry. Then, firmly grasping my cock, I guide it as I fuck her mouth, forcing it to the back of her throat with each relentless thrust. It's not often that I feel particularly mean, but it's also not often that I fuck someone who's treated me cruelly or helped destroy my reputation. John will likely knock me out if he ever finds out about this, but I can at least sweeten those blows by getting something worthwhile first.

"You're drooling everywhere..." I murmur, slowing as she twirls her tongue around the head of my cock, and then plays with my piercing at my frenulum. I was aware my last gift from Charlotte would feel good, but it's almost too sensitive as she continues to flick against it through the latex before she finally darts over the tip. I know I've only got myself to blame if this turns south, and I should feel guilty for doing this. Still, I take a photo of us in the mirror, incriminating the both of us. Then, withdrawing from her warm mouth, I wipe it against her cheek, smearing her saliva and lipstick. "Now undo your blouse so I can see."

I half expect her to back out at my demand, but she unfastens her buttons. Large areolas push through the sheer pink lace of her bra, and pulling down a cup, I pinch at one of her nipples until it stiffens at my touch. My mouth dips to her chest, and I lap over the erect teat before suckling at the other and rolling it between my teeth. "Ah! If you leave marks, he'll find out about us."

"Then don't see him tonight..." I reply, almost forgetting myself as I slide down her panties. "But if you want to spoil our fun, I'll stop."

Sadie shakes her head as my palms move around her thighs, and I lift her against the countertop, parting her open to my view. The scent of her arousal is intoxicating, and satiny fluids glisten over her folds, inviting me for a taste, but I hold back, nauseous about considering it. She belongs with another, my own brother, and she's enjoying this far more than I hoped, bringing a vile bitterness to my mouth. Instead, I stroke over her engorged clit peeking from its shroud in her increasing excitement and stretch her open with two digits. 

"Keep touching me..." she sighs, watching as another finger slides knuckle deep and curls within her. Then leaning back against the tile, she raises her camera towards me, capturing another dirty photo of us, cementing our betrayal. "Now fuck me before you make us late for our exam."

She gasps as I finally enter her, spreading her around my cock and then two of her fingers, which she slips in after me. "And you called me bad... You feel so fucking tight like this I can barely move."

Sadie moans throatily as we fuck, and her gyrating hips urge me to thrust deeper until I'm buried into her at the hilt. But I'm struck by how easy this is, almost to the brink of tiresome. There's no exciting build-up like in my playtime with Charlotte. Instead, I'm reminded of how much she's irrevocably changed me. I still miss her and the flames she ignited within my body at every touch. If not for my father watching my every move, I may have returned to her by now.

"Keep going... I'm..." She covers her mouth in a hopeless attempt to hide the erotic moans erupting from her throat as she orgasms, but I'm too distracted to join her. 

Sadie's undoubtedly gorgeous, and she knows it, but she's not my type and knowing that when I've seduced her makes this treason towards my brother more pointless. Unfortunately, she just happened to be the one who caught me at the wrong moment. I close my eyes, shifting my attention back to Charlotte and the sexy metallic-purple bodysuit she'd planned to wear to the party at her friend's house. We never got to explore the fun she'd arranged with L, but the dirty fantasies she whispered while she tied me down and fondled me flood my mind. A whole weekend as her's and L's sex slave would have been a breathtaking experience.

Forcibly, Sadie thrusts her tongue into my mouth, and we kiss while she squeezes my buttocks. With my eyes shut, I realise she could be anyone, and finally, I break through the mental block to cum, collapsing with exhaustion into her. 

"Fuck... We shouldn't have done this." I feel dirty as my head rests against her shoulder. I've crossed a line that I shouldn't have been anywhere near, and it took me less than twenty minutes to do it. This has been a bad idea that bites me in the arse later, but what's done is done, and nothing I do can ever change that. 

I sure hope my disgust with myself will be worth it.

However, Sadie remains unfazed and without any shred of remorse for her side in this. Instead, she flicks through her images while she caresses my hair. "These are far too sexy to delete. We look good together."

I'm too tired to argue as I extricate from her and then grab my cigarettes from my jacket. "Just promise me that you don't want anything more. I'm seriously not worth dumping my brother over."

"I wasn't thinking it. Just because you're fit doesn't excuse your shitty personality," she laughs, reaching for the cigarette I'm offering before pulling a face. "Menthols? I'd never have guessed-"

I lean back against the sink beside her and light up. "My ex... The one who did this to me. She had me smoking them, and I'm still stuck on her. You'd think a bastard like me would be used to breakups by now."

"So you really over Louise, huh? What about when the kid gets here? John was saying your dad wants to marry you off with her."

"I'd be the worst fucking husband to her... We can't be anywhere near each other without finding something to argue about." I stub out my cigarette against the wall, tired of talking to her, and then pull on my underwear. "Anyway, we should get moving. Send me the photos later if you're not planning to delete them, and don't forget to keep this between us."

-----

I ace my math exam, my one strong subject, despite the uncomfortable glare of Mr Davies boring into me from the other side of the examination room. I know he likely has questions about how I've kept Sadie's mouth shut, but I'm not prepared to answer him. As far as I see it, this is the end of the line between him and me after nearly being caught this afternoon during a moment of weakness. He's not worth falling out with Justin or my family over. I'll be out of here within a few weeks, and he'll be readily forgotten like everybody else.

Justin's already waiting outside in the hallway for me, animately talking on his phone while he paces along the corridor. It seems serious, and my stomach lurches when he mouths 'Becka' to me. 

"Yeah, he's not here. Why? What is she doing?" His eyes widen, almost popping out, and he bursts into laughter, putting his phone on speaker for me to hear. A clearly agitated Charlotte is in the background screaming before something shatters. "Oh, he's going to be so pissed, but I'll give him a heads-up and call you back, babe. You should get out of there."

"What the hell is happening?"

Justin stifles a laugh as he hangs up. "Becka's trying to stop her, but she's been drinking, and she's already chucked a tin of paint inside the interior of your car."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. Not content with only injuring me, she's destroying my car, still parked outside hers. "She's what? But, I've only got the scratches out of it recently - That sadistic she-devil! You've gotta take me there to stop her. I'm the only one who can calm her down."

"The last thing I'm doing is allowing you near her again. And I promised your dad I'll take you straight from sixth form and back." 

Justin gives me a reassuring smile and places his hand on my shoulder, but I shrug him off, sick of being chaperoned and cooped up. I need to escape this mundanity. "No, I need a drink. My head is a fucking mess just thinking about her. I feel like it's been months since I've had a break."

-----

The bar is dead, apart from a group of four guys listening to Mr Brightside from the jukebox while playing pool and two women waiting to be served. After these lonely weeks with only my hand for company and a false start with Mr Davies, then a quickie with Sadie, I'm pent up with frustration. The itch has barely been scratched, and this could be my last night of sexual freedom with the iron grip my father has been exerting over me. 

"Two pints of whatever's on tap and six shots of tequila, please," I say, offering my palm to the nearest woman beside me. Justin's still outside on his phone, fixing whatever mess Charlotte's causing on my behalf. "And, could I buy either of you lovely ladies a drink?"

The bartender doesn't bat an eyelid at my poor, thinly disguised attempt to pull, and both women order a rum and coke without glancing at me. I shouldn't have got my hopes up that I might get laid on a Wednesday night with such slim pickings. I pull off my tie and sink half the shots immediately, grimacing at the burn at the back of my throat. "Long day, huh?"

"Something like that, but nothing getting black-out drunk can't fix," I reply, as the man slides across my beers, and I bring the plastic pint glass towards my lips.

"So you did shit on your exams?" he laughs, noting the emblem on my blazer.

"You wanna see my ID after you've served me? Pfft. Anyway, I've got my dad breathing down my neck about literally everything, so I need to find a job before he kicks me out again. Do you think your boss will be hiring once it gets out you're serving students without ID?"

"I might be for the right person. But I'm willing to bet you haven't pulled pints before," he replies, looking over me. "Minimum wage. That okay with you?"

I almost spit out my drink as I take another glance at the well-built, bearded man standing across from me that I've now insulted. He honestly looks like an intimidating bouncer, not a bar owner, and I've been far too cocky. Justin better turn up and rein me in before I open my mouth again. "Uh... Yeah."

"I'll see you Monday then. Trial run, of course, so don't screw up and don't forget your ID," he replies, mocking my fat mouth. "And Lucy, there is my sister, so if you break her heart, don't think about showing your face if you know what's good for you. I'll lay you out in a heartbeat."

I'm speechless and nod my thanks, astounded by how easy it was to solve one of my problems. I should celebrate. Things are already looking up, and I haven't been here for more than fifteen minutes.

Justin stares at me in disbelief as he finally joins me at the bar, surrounded by a number of empty shot glasses and both women helping to stack them into a pyramid. "Don't tell me you're wasted already? I wasn't even gone for twenty minutes!"

"Forty minutes... Get some of these down you 'cause you've fallen behind." I push several fireball shots at him before sipping my beer. "It tastes like fucking shit, so you need to drink it for me."

I spill my drink as Justin seizes me by the arm in a vice-like grip and tugs me out of earshot towards the pool table. His face is livid. "What's got into you? One of them looks like she'll eat you alive. She must be about forty-"

"Oh, don't nag me. It wouldn't be the first time I've got my dick wet with a cougar... Or maybe I should swear women off altogether and date a guy," I reply, dropping my guard momentarily around him. "Uh, forget I said that. I was only kidding."

"You're unbelievable... That isn't something to joke about." He suddenly frowns with concern, narrowing his eyes. "You're not gay, are you?"

His long-lashed, brown eyes hold my gaze, almost penetrating my soul, and I completely forget the idea of taking anyone else home with me. I could sweep his black side bangs away and kiss him right now in this booth if I didn't care about the consequences. The grip on my control slips. "Why? Are you worried I could fancy you if I was?"

Justin quickly puts space between us and nervously laughs at my flirtation. "Yeah, right. We wouldn't be best friends for a start if you did."

Yep, definitely, a terrible idea to ever bring this up again. That secret dies with me unless I decide to fully destruct and want to lose him forever.

But even if I could open up about my feelings that have continued for him, I shouldn't expect he'd accept them now. My body had been a broken, grotesque mess when he'd found me and cut my collar off my neck. Even now, the scars and bruises have remained ugly and raised. I'm too repulsive to be loved by anyone, especially him. I pick at the label on my bottle. "We should get back to the bar. It's no fun if I'm drinking by myself-"

"Fine. What kind of friend would I be to let you drink alone," he says, snatching the beer from my hand, which he downs in one. "But you... You've definitely had more than enough with the shit you're spouting tonight."

-----

"Shh... We can't let him hear us." My palm covers Justin's mouth, quietening him as we approach the front door so we're not busted when we enter. The couple of drinks I planned quickly snowballed into jager bombs and dirty dancing with the women he'd been deadset against until he could no longer prop me up and dragged me out. He ducks, lowering me to unlock the door over his shoulder, but I drop the keys by his feet in the gravel. "Shit. You're gonna need to pick it up."

"You fucking idiot. How the hell am I doing that when I'm carrying you? Just get off my back-" 

The front door swings open, to my dad giving us a blistering glare of disdain, with his arms folded across his chest. Justin immediately drops me on my arse, like a criminal caught red-handed, but I think it might be too late to run. "Is he plastered? How could you let him get into this state! You promised you'll take care of him."

"I tried my best, okay," Justin says, pulling me to my feet. "Let him sleep it off, then you can deal with him in the morning."

I don't make it far towards my bedroom before stripping off my clothes and giggling at the hilarity of bringing Justin back with me and not one of the chicks from the bar. But neither of them did anything for me, and in this state, my performance would be subpar at best. 

My hands reach out to him as I flop onto my bed. "Stay with me? My bed is big enough for the both of us."

"Not tonight," he says, pulling my duvet over me as he tucks me in. "I'll pick you up in the morning just before eight, so get some sleep, alright? And don't pick a fight with your dad. He's worried about you, just like I am." 

He switches off my light as he leaves, flooding my room with darkness. But, I can't sleep, and thirty minutes, then an hour, passes while I toss and turn beneath the covers. It's still not midnight, yet I'm being treated like someone half my age, and without my phone or even porn as an outlet, loneliness creeps into my soul, luring me to the blade hidden beneath my bed. 

I need her to fill this void, painfully widening inside me.

No matter what I do or who I meet, I can't be satiated or forget how she made me feel. Our happiness had been too fleeting, and I partially blame myself for it ending the way it did. If I'd been upfront, or even stood my ground, and kept my boundaries up with Louise, she may have never reacted the way she did. Or did I ignore the warning signs and too easily become a victim of someone too cruel to actually care for me? Perhaps I misread the signals and mistook possessiveness for love. Her string of failed relationships could have ended the same way with her ignoring boundaries or, in my case, failing to ensure my safety in a fit of anger. But, all these 'what ifs' won't be resolved until I confront her and seek answers.

The house finally falls silent in the early hours as both my father and brother pass my bedroom to sleep, giving me a chance to implement my plan. My head is pounding with the haze of alcohol, but I tiptoe to my door, locking it against my father's rules, then switch on my computer in a last-ditch effort to reach out to her. I've never had much interest in social media before, caring little for the idle gossip and drama surrounding it, so I quickly set up an account using a guitar stock image. Then filter the profiles to Charlotte's age range and location, which I search through for over an hour.

My nerves are frayed as I stare at the screen, with a user named Mistress Blood-Raven with a whip profile picture finally displayed upon it. All those times my dad's demanded me to man up and face the consequences have never readied me for dealing with this, however, it's too late to back out now. I'm unsure whether to go in all guns blazing, accusing her of deliberately maiming me, or to simper like the sub I've been, begging for us to work through it. Clicking on the account, I browse through her page, and the devilish, baritone crooning of Ville Valo blares through my speakers from the embedded music player. My heart softens, aching for her touch. She'd called this our song when she played it for me before. 

In the latest posts between getting smashed and a photo of new, killer heels, I recognise my car that she'd wrecked this afternoon, looking far worse than I envisioned and drenched in red emulsion with the front tyres completely flat. I already know the damage extends to the interior, so with a deep intake of breath, I tap out my response under my pseudonym. 

To reveal myself fully would be idiotic in my quest for answers. I need to know her inner thoughts about me, whether she despises me, and any of her reasonings behind our breakup. It hasn't been long since we'd separated, although my anger has already faded, but does she regret her actions? I'll take responsibility for antagonising her by withholding the truth, but will she realise her reaction was barbaric whether or not she was in the right frame of mind. I need to feel that she's genuinely sorry and will never repeat it again before I consider my next steps.

"Wow, I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of you. He must have been a right jerk to deserve that."

I expect a lengthy wait for a response at three in the morning, but it's almost instant. "I don't think he did. He's ignoring my calls, and I thought it would force a reaction out of him, but he still doesn't care. I think he only hates me."

She's right in assuming it would force a reaction out of me, but I would have long answered her calls if I had access to my phone. My nights have been restless without her, and the abruptness of our breakup has prevented me from accepting my new reality. "Hopefully, he'll only sue for the damages if you're lucky. But if he's mad... I wouldn't like to be in your shoes as sexy as they are."

"Criminal damages! Do you think I could fix it before he sees it, or should I buy him a new car?"

I almost laugh out loud at her panic. My car is likely worth less than the repair bill, although my dad will hit the roof with it being my seventeenth birthday present. "Can I show you something? Have you got a webcam?"

"...Are you trying to send me a dick pic? Smooth."

My plan begins to fall apart as the conversation flows quickly between us, responses pinging into my inbox within a minute of being sent. This connection of two lonesome souls cannot be a mistake. "Can you blame a guy for trying? I thought maybe you could forget about that loser with me."

Again she replies straight away, in her typical, aloof fashion. "I doubt you'd be able to handle me. I only like subs and masochists."

My hand lightly runs over my stiffened cock as my excitement grows for her. To be tied to her bed and used over and over as her plaything is the greatest privilege. "Then how do I try out for the role? Do I need to grovel at your feet, Mistress? Kneels down and begs." 

"That's a good start. My email is xBloodRavenxo84ox@xxxx.com." 

I've scored, although I'm put out she could think about moving on so soon, even if it's just for cyber. It's not like it feels final, but more like we're only on a break, although it's hypocritical after what I did with Sadie. I waste no time and log into my messenger service to request a video call with her.

"You really made a fool out of your ex, didn't you?" I joke, unsure of the reaction I'll receive.

Charlotte blinks at me, not quite believing her eyes, but a smile rapidly appears. Those fools can no longer stand between us. "This is unexpected. How dare you put me through that! I started thinking you really hated me."

"As if I could hate you... I just needed time and space to think," I reply sincerely. "Would it be okay for me to meet you tomorrow after my exam? I'd like to talk in person before making any decisions about us."

"Should I come to you?"

"You can't. My dad knows about you, and even though he's only looking out for me, he's overbearing. He's already confiscated my phone to prevent us from speaking. We can't let Justin or Becka know, either. Not until we've talked and looked at if it's possible to move forward. I'll meet you at the studio once I've shaken Justin off, so just wait there for me." 

Charlotte bursts into tears, streaking black mascara down her cheeks. "So you've already decided to forgive me? You know I don't deserve it."

"I wouldn't have reached out to you if I wasn't planning to give you another chance and hear you out," I reply, rubbing away my own stinging tears rolling down my face with the back of my hand. "I should get some sleep now, but I love you, okay? I promise we'll work something out and get back on track, even if we need to do this slowly."

She nods, then smiles happily, waving me goodbye. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, then. Goodnight and sweet dreams."

-----

Despite being groggy with a hangover and the rain pelting against the cafeteria windows, my mood remains elevated from my late-night chat and our promise to meet. In four short hours, I should finally lay to rest the uneasiness I've been feeling and have my beautiful Charlotte back in my life. I don't expect Justin or my family to understand my decision, but I'll cross that bridge when it comes to it, and until then, I'll protect our love for as long as possible by maintaining secrecy.

I glance across the table at Louise, scanning through her notes and push across the chicken salad sandwich I'd bought her. She's barely eaten a thing all day, and I suspect she's skipped breakfast too. We might not be together, but I can't help but feel protective of her and the life we've created being nurtured inside her. My duty towards her is the first thing I must negotiate tonight. "Put away your book, and eat your lunch. You need to keep your strength up."

"I'm not feeling hungry, so stop nagging," she sighs, grimacing at me and shoving the plate away. "I'm getting those braxtons again."

Picking up her bottle of water, I crack it open before giving it to her. "That's going to happen more often the closer you get to term. We'll need to start timing them in a couple of weeks in case it's the real deal. Drink some water, then try to eat something."

She shoots me a withering glance, then slams her textbook shut to gulp down the drink. "Happy now?"

"I only want to help. Have you got a free-study period next?" I ask, pausing as the bell interrupts us. "I've got my exam now, but I'll head the same way, so give me your bag."

It's only a short walk to the library, but the textbooks in her rucksack are far too heavy, so I swing it over my shoulder before she can argue. Then as she walks through the doorway beside me, Chris shoves between us from behind, knocking her off balance onto the hard ground. 

Without as much as a backwards glance, he runs off, cackling at his stupid stunt, but I don't chase after him and beat the living daylights out of him like I want to. From Louise's low cry of pain and the light trickle of fluid running down her bare leg as she moves onto her knees, I know something is wrong. "Is that what I think it was? We'll go to the office and call my dad or an ambulance, okay?"

She shakes her head, trying to dismiss my concern, but her hand resting against her stomach is trembling. It shouldn't be time for this yet. "What about your exam? It starts in five minutes."

If I don't sit the exam to take Louise to the hospital, I will fail. Still, I'd rather that and find out everything is okay than risk putting my family's life in danger. Charlotte will also have to wait. "We're not taking any chances, Louise. You and our daughter are far more important than some stupid grade. Wait here while I get some help."