I was halfway through preparing one of our favourite and quick meals before I realised that tacos might be a kind of tease. It was too late to stop and make something else, so I just hoped that she wouldn’t notice or take some kind of offence. 

She arrived home a little later than normal, so dinner was ready when she opened the door. I could see a look of nervousness on her face. It brought me back to Liam’s reminder. 

I walked up to her and hugged her tight before giving her a kiss. 

“It’s good to see you,” I said. 

I ushered her to the table and poured a glass of wine for us both. 

I set everything down and joined her, pushing the plate of warmed shells to her first. 

She played along with the idea of a normal dinner for a little bit but once we’d both slowed down eating, she took a long slow sip of wine and looked at me.

“So, about last night…” she said.

“Yes, last night,” I replied.

“I guess it is obvious that something happened.”

“Yes, I kind of figured.”  I paused. I didn’t want to pressure her to tell me more than she wanted to.

“Are you still okay with this? I mean, I know what you said before, but…” her voice trailed off as her eyes searched my face for a reaction.

“I’m still okay. I meant what I said. I want you to be happy.”

“And about how much you want to know?  I mean, I guess you maybe saw something when you came home last night.”

“I saw that you weren't alone in bed, and I kind of backed off pretty quickly after that. I didn’t want to intrude.”

“Well… it was more than kissing.”

“Yes, I thought so.”

“And you’re really okay with this?  I mean, I said at first that it was a crush and that I didn’t want to date her.”

“It is. I know you said that, but you did say after that you were still feeling something for her. I guess I thought there was more than you were ready to admit.”

“I’m glad you’re not mad or upset… I guess…. But why aren’t you jealous? I mean, shouldn’t you be mad if you love me?”

“Do you want me to be mad or jealous?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt you, but I still want you to care. I mean, you’re just okay with me having sex with someone else?”

As much as I heard Liam’s instructions in my mind, I was being honest as well.

“It does hurt. It isn’t easy. But it is me loving you that makes it okay, or getting to okay, I guess. I mean, I could see how you looked at her. I can see how you look when you talk about her, or whenI think you’re just thinking about her. I love you and I want you to be as happy as you can be. I am trying to live in the real world. I know that I can’t satisfy every desire or fantasy you might have and… well… I love you. I want to be here with you, having you come home to me at the end of the day, no matter what that day had in it.”

“But what about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you must want things, right? Do you still want me?”

“Oh god yes, I love you and I think you’re so damn sexy. You have never stopped turning me on.”

“But what about—”

I stopped her. 

“I’m not totally sure what that is about, but it doesn’t change what I said. You turn me on and even if my body isn’t cooperating right now, that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”

“Okay, but are there other things for you too? I mean, I love you and I’m attracted to you, but you’re open to me exploring more with Lydia. Are there things you want to explore? What about that stuff you used to talk about? You know, when we played a bit with those toys and stuff?”

In one of my more open moments, years ago, I had tried to interest Cheryl in some BDSM play, hoping to find a way to move away from the porn I’d felt addicted to. Unfortunately, it had been immediately evident that it wasn’t working for her at all. She didn’t have a dominant streak at all, and the kind of wickedness or teasing that I was looking for made her uncomfortable when I tried to lead her toward it. 

“I guess there are things that I still think about sometimes but I don’t want to make this about me right now.”

“It isn’t about you, I don’t think. It’s about us, isn’t it? I don’t want to be exploring just my own desires and leaving you behind feeling like I don’t care about what you need or want.”

“Okay, I get that. Right now though, Lydia is right next door and very real. It isn’t like you went out looking for this — so I don’t want to think about going out to look for something just because you are. I mean, right now I’m getting settled in my work and in our house. I’m working to get fit again. I feel like that’s enough for me right now.”

“And you have Liam, I guess,” she said.

“Liam?” I asked, trying not to blush. 

“You have a new friend. I know it’s not the same, but it is something. You haven’t had a new guy friend in a long time.”

“Yes, that’s true. I like him. It is good to have a friend, and to get out sometimes.”

“Yes — I hope there are more get-togethers like that poker night. You seemed to have fun with them.”

I controlled my breathing and nodded.

“Yes, that was good.”

She paused and seemed to be thinking for a moment. 

“It seems very strange… I never imagined that we would be this daring or modern or whatever you might call it. I mean, are we really doing this? Is this what an ‘open marriage’ is?”

“I… I guess maybe. I don’t know. Maybe it is strange, and it isn’t really what I would have guessed either. But… can I ask something?”

“Of course. I think we’re past being shy.”

“Did you… Did you, uhm, well. Did you enjoy it? Was it good, you know, with her?”

She blushed and raised her fingers to her face, but I could see the soft smile curling her lips upward.

“It was. It was kind of really good. I hope that’s okay.”

“It is… I think that is what makes it okay. I want you to be happy. I want you to be pleased. If you were seeing someone else and it wasn’t great, you know, in bed then I think it would be different.”

“Can I ask you something in return?”

I looked at her, trying to search her eyes. 

“Of course. Anything.”

“Is this okay with you because it’s a woman? I mean, do you like that? I remember you smiling when I told you about my roommate in university, and I know you were mostly joking, but I get that it’s a thing for men, or a lot of men anyways.”

I smiled, but I knew that now was not the time for jokes. 

“I suppose I can’t deny that there is something pleasant about the thought of a beautiful woman like you with another beautiful woman, but it isn’t that. I suppose it would be harder, or more challenging to accept, if it was another man that you were interested in. With Lydia, or any woman I guess, I can see pretty clearly how you can get an experience that you can’t get with me.”

“Yes, but the same could be with another man. I mean… someone different physically would be different in the same kind of way that being with a woman would be.”

I blushed. I was pretty sure what she might mean by ‘someone different’ when it came to another man. Someone bigger. 

“I guess that makes sense,” I said. “But it would be something physical only, do you think?”

“Hey, don’t think that I’ve got someone in mind,” she laughed. “But yes, hypothetically, the interest would come in the different physicality of it, just like it is with Lydia.” 

“I think as long as I know that you still want to come home to me…”

She smiled. 

“I do. I always do.”

I knew my limitations very well. Not only was sex forbidden by Liam, but the pills made it a physical impossibility, short of finding a way to ride a dildo. Still, I felt this surge of love and desire for her. Maybe I wanted to prove that I was something worth coming home to. 

With a word I just slipped down off my chair and moved to her. I knelt looking up at her and lifted my hands to touch her legs, reaching up under her skirt. 

She didn’t say a word. She just pushed her chair back from the table and turned towards me. I found her panties with my fingertips and pulled them down her legs and off. She was still silent, but I could see her biting her lower lip. 

It was not lost on me that my recent experience serving with my mouth had been with men. I had to consciously think of how to please her, and to remember the kind of kissing and touch that she liked. 

I slid forward and caressed her thighs with my hands as I guided them open. I guided her towards me, and she slid to the edge of her chair in response. I looked up, but I was in the darkness under her skirt. She was wet quickly, and my tongue explored her. It was impossible for me not to think of Lydia having been where I was, just the night before. I felt in a kind of competition with her.

I licked and kissed and caressed her with a passion. In my head were thoughts of how I’d seen her be pleased, and how she had gone down on Lydia. I thought too of my own past service, on my knees sucking cock, desperate to earn their orgasms. 

I wondered, as I couldn’t see her eyes, if she was looking down at me at all. Was she even thinking of me, or was she thinking of Lydia? I felt silly and foolish for a flash. Was I trying to compete with a woman with oral sex? Did I really have anything but a disadvantage with my cock taken from me, or from us? 

That feeling passed as I felt her getting closer to orgasm. I knew her better than anyone, I realised, as I recognised her physical tells. The way her pussy became wetter, the way her thighs tightened, and the change in the sound of her moans — they all told me she was close. I worked my tongue inside her, probing and pushing in, curling inside her, straining to reach all her favourite spots inside.     

I drank in her juices as she came. I softened my motion but didn’t stop, knowing how she would be sensitive at first, but that her pleasure could still be extended. Under her skirt, I was soaked and happy. I kept it up, feeling my tongue tired and aching, and not stopping until I finally noticed the tell-tale trembling of her leg and felt her hands pushing me back.  

She was leaning back, breathing deeply and her face was flushed. 

“Wow…. what was that?” she gasped. 

“I… I just felt inspired. I wanted to show you instead of just telling you… that you turn me on like mad, and I adore you.”

I rose up to my feet and she pulled me in for a quick kiss. 

“Fuck,” she said. “That was quite something. You were… eager.”

“Yes, I guess I was.” I smiled.

“Okay, you’re going to have to help me upstairs. My legs are literally weak.”

I laughed, but she wasn’t kidding. We left her panties on the floor and I helped her up the stairs. I got her to the bed and sat her on the edge, helping her out of her blouse and skirt and bra. I went to fetch her pyjamas, but by the time I returned, she’d just slumped over sideways asleep. 

I smiled and pulled the blanket over her, appreciating the incredible beauty of her body as I did. 

My mind was too full to sleep yet, so I went back downstairs to clean up and pour myself a drink. I saw her panties there, on the floor. I picked them up and without knowing quite why, I quickly tugged off my pants and underwear and pulled her panties on. I slid my own jeans over top of them and poured myself a drink.

I sat in the living room, in my favourite chair, just thinking and feeling the touch of the lace around my impotent cock. More than ever, I felt myself in Liam’s hands. Given all my past failures in trying to find space in Cheryl’s heart to accept the kinks and fetishes of mine I’d try to hint at, I never could have expected to have had such a frank conversation as we’d just had about sex and desire and love. 

Maybe Liam was even more right than I’d dared to imagine. Maybe his hand was really leading me to a future I’d all but dismissed as impossible.

When I finished my drink and checked the time it was late. I made my way to bed, remembering only when I pulled down my jeans at the side of the bed that I was in Cheryl’s panties.  I jerked my head around to look, but her eyes were closed and she was breathing softly in sleep. 

I pulled on a pair of boxers and slid into bed beside her. I drifted to sleep quickly, my mind full of thoughts of all four of us.