Inflatable Stories

Before we were together, the garage was where my wife would slip off to for a smoke. “Getting fresh air,” as she called it. She switched to vaping a few weeks before our first date, but knowing what it does to me, she still has the occasional cigarette in the bedroom. We were supposed to have the house to ourselves the other weekend, but plans changed, and our daughter stayed home. It had been a long week, and we were dea...

I’m normal. I swear. I work. I pay taxes. I’ve been in three serious relationships, one of which involved IKEA furniture and a shared dog. I make eye contact. I floss. But I’m into clown girls. It’s not a joke. It’s not a kink. It’s a burden. Once, one of my exes had a bad cold, nose all swollen and red, voice full of congestion. I had to excuse myself from the room with what was, objectively, the hardest erection of my l...

I want you wet. I want you slippery. I want you playful. I want you in public. And in private. I want the nostalgic scent of you to haunt my mind like a B horror movie and really cheap popcorn so greasy the stains don't wash out my suit no matter how many times I wash it. I want you memorable like Time Life Infomercials and cassette tapes, I want the whine of your cheap plastic to give me body memories of chlorine burning...

On the first day of ChristmasMy true love gave to me:A handjob under the tree.On the second day of ChristmasMy true love gave to me:Two tickled balls,And a handjob under the tree.On the third day of ChristmasMy true love gave to me:Three wet holes,Two tickled balls, And a handjob under the tree.On the fourth day of ChristmasMy true love gave to me:Four nipple clamps,Three wet holes,Two tickled balls,And a handjob under th...