After getting caught spying on Ms. Pussy and her cheerleading squad in the showers after practice, Mr. Dick was suspended from Fantasy Memorial High for one week, which meant he could not quarterback the Ragin’ Erections in their big Homecoming rivalry ga...
Three little kittens, no need for mittens On a winter holiday Sand and sun and tons of fun Was the plan for every day On the beach, just out of reach Stood a tall Jamaican man When asked if he could handle three “I’m certain that I can.” To his place, the...
Thursday Afternoon... Danny had been distant since our chess game Monday morning. One reason was because his gaming computer had been ready for pick-up on Tuesday. Knowing how much he'd wanted a computer that wasn't cobbled together from this-n-that, I'd...
Halloween. We're wearing half-assed costumes. I'm SEX OFFENDER BATMAN. I have only the mask, with a sleazy trench coat. You're GUIDANCE COUNSELOR WONDER WOMAN; you have the tiara, bracelets and red boots, paired with a pencil skirt. We go to a Pumpkin Pat...
On the allotment, the courgettes just kept coming. I'd cooked them in every conceivable way, but still, they grew. Luckily there's always one use a girl can make of something seven or eight inches long and six inches round. I gained weight. I assumed it w...
One Halloween night, my new neighbor came a-knocking. I heard her say, “Do you want to taste some of my pumpkin soup, Peter?” I opened the door. Gertrude promptly handed me a whole bowl and when I fished out a dripping dildo, she gave out a howl. Gertrude...
A Few Minutes Ago... "Dammit, Olivia! You can't just call up my boss and tell him I'm going to be late because you're horny!" "You're absolutely right and I'll never do it again," I promised without meaning it as I tugged one of the coverall's sleeves off...
“I am death, the Grim Reap…” “I fucking swear if you point and say, ‘the salmon mousse,’ I’m going to kick you in your bony balls!” In a harrowing, shrill voice, the cloaked figure intoned, “The time is nigh.” “The science guy? What the literal, living fu...
I remember hearing about the carpet matching the drapes, when I didn't understand what it meant. I’d overheard my older brother talking to a friend of his about his girlfriend, and her carpet didn’t match her drapes, but I had no idea what it meant until...
Dee and I showered separately after she finished crying, then ate. Dinner was quiet; not an uncomfortable silence exactly, but a sort of mournful one. My wife knew now how much she’d hurt me, and I knew--or maybe just could finally admit to myself--that s...
How much did I really need to dust? Ugh, I knew already. I needed to dust enough so that Dee would be happy. That’s what this was all for, after all. So that Dee would be happy. She was out shopping, buying a new outfit for our guest. No, for her guest. F...
A Few Seconds Later... Olivia's Apartment... "Why am I just now finding out that I'm having lunch with your parents? I thought we had a deal," Danny gritted out through clenched teeth. "You'd stop making plans that include me without asking." "Who won our...
Sharon cries, “Please, Mike! I don’t want a divorce!” I shake my head in disbelief. “You fucked three other guys!” She reaches for me, but I flinch away. “I’m sorry, babe. I’m so sorry. But money’s been really tight since I lost my job, and the kids were...
The bull fucks Ellen like an artist. He’s a consummate performer, dominating her and humiliating me, but always with a knowing wink. This is a game. A show. A fun time for all of us. I’m a performer, too–a comedian–and I can appreciate someone who’s honed...
There was no way that Candy Shaw and I were going to be lovers. She was captain of our high school’s varsity cheerleading squad and she dated the football team’s quarterback. I was president of both the chess club and the engineering club, and at eighteen...
