Maria pulled her hair away from her shoulder blades as Allen soaped up her back with the shower kooshie. He scrubbed all along Maria’s back and her ticklish sides, to the top of her ass, as she sighed and giggled at his light touches. “Gonna get you squeaky clean, baby girl,” Allen murmured. As he bent over to scrub Maria down, his left thigh hit something. He turned around and saw an enormous suction cup dildo protruding...

BANG BANG BANGBANGBANGBANG. Maria pounded the plexiglass window on the storm door at Lillian’s house. Rosa, the housekeeper, appeared at the door with a concerned look on her face expecting there was a fire emergency or something. It was just Maria, wearing a navy track suit, huge smoky sunglasses, and her hair pulled up in a fierce ponytail. “Where’s Lilly?” Maria demanded when Rosa answered the door. As Rosa was about t...

After getting caught spying on Ms. Pussy and her cheerleading squad in the showers after practice, Mr. Dick was suspended from Fantasy Memorial High for one week, which meant he could not quarterback the Ragin’ Erections in their big Homecoming rivalry game against East Cumshot. Ms. Pussy was still crowned Homecoming Queen. Her father, Daddy Cop, looking angry and embarrassed, chaperoned her at halftime. Ms. Pussy did not...

Three little kittens, no need for mittens On a winter holiday Sand and sun and tons of fun Was the plan for every day On the beach, just out of reach Stood a tall Jamaican man When asked if he could handle three “I’m certain that I can.” To his place, they all did go Excited as could be They sat together on his couch And he turned to face all three When he dropped his trunks and showed his junk Their giggles turned to gle...

Halloween. We're wearing half-assed costumes. I'm SEX OFFENDER BATMAN. I have only the mask, with a sleazy trench coat. You're GUIDANCE COUNSELOR WONDER WOMAN; you have the tiara, bracelets and red boots, paired with a pencil skirt. We go to a Pumpkin Patch scare maze out in the county before hitting the party. Some dickhead Wolfman leaps out of the corn. I leap into action! BIFF! SOCK! POW! OOF! "Oh, fuck, sorry," I say....

I remember hearing about the carpet matching the drapes, when I didn't understand what it meant. I’d overheard my older brother talking to a friend of his about his girlfriend, and her carpet didn’t match her drapes, but I had no idea what it meant until an older girl explained it was a way to tell the old money people from the new rich. The old money people used decorators, and the carpet always matched. When I went to f...

Dee and I showered separately after she finished crying, then ate. Dinner was quiet; not an uncomfortable silence exactly, but a sort of mournful one. My wife knew now how much she’d hurt me, and I knew--or maybe just could finally admit to myself--that she’d have to keep on hurting me for a while. I hated it. I wanted it, in a strange way, but I hated it. Most of all, though, I loved her, and I knew that the only way for...

How much did I really need to dust? Ugh, I knew already. I needed to dust enough so that Dee would be happy. That’s what this was all for, after all. So that Dee would be happy. She was out shopping, buying a new outfit for our guest. No, for her guest. For my nemesis. Rod. An apt name for a bull with a nearly ten-inch cock. She’d been seeing Rod for a couple of months now. He was her first bull, the first guy that she’d...

Sharon cries, “Please, Mike! I don’t want a divorce!” I shake my head in disbelief. “You fucked three other guys!” She reaches for me, but I flinch away. “I’m sorry, babe. I’m so sorry. But money’s been really tight since I lost my job, and the kids were starving! I did what I had to do to make sure they could eat.” My eyes narrow. An accusing finger jabs the air. “Bullshit. That explains the butcher and the baker, but th...